


Born to Die!Verse

by borntodieverse, Enamourous, goandgetthegun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Androgynous Sam, Blood and Injury, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bottom Dean, Bottom Sam, But I Can't Actually Kill Them, Daddy Issues, Drug Addiction, Extreme Underage, IV Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Semi-Public Sex, Sibling Incest, So don't worry, Tattooed Dean, Underage Drug Use, Underage Prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:17:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 53
Words: 68,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntodieverse/pseuds/borntodieverse, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enamourous/pseuds/Enamourous, https://archiveofourown.org/users/goandgetthegun/pseuds/goandgetthegun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story follows the lives of two young brothers as they try to make it in a dark world. After an overdose threatens to tear them apart forever, Sam and Dean vow to never leave each other's side again and hit the open roads of the American West to live fast and free together. They fight and fuck like every day could be their last because one day it just might be.</p><p>Please visit openroadlovestory.tumblr.com for more information and lots of aesthetics!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PART I

**Author's Note:**

> All art by goandgetthegun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** non graphic child sexual abuse.
> 
>  
> 
> • Shout out to awabubble's beautiful fic [V I C E](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6623362/chapters/15156064) for the chapter title inspo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**P A R A D I S E**

( born to die!verse )

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PART I:

L O S S 

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* * *

  
_Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die._

Dean blinks through the blood stinging his eyes as these all too familiar words seep into his mind like flood waters threatening a doomed levee. Over the years they had been repeated to him countless times in one form or another, never anything more than just empty words he didn’t give a second thought to. But now as the nauseating fumes of the gasoline draining onto the rain soaked asphalt behind them fills his lungs, he wonders if it’s true. He can hear the sound of the engine popping as it cools against the rain falling on the metal surrounding them. He always found the sound comforting and now, as the edges of his vision start to go dark, it feels as much like coming home as it always did.

It’s the sound of winter 1996, a little over twelve hours straight out of Kansas, sitting together in silence, terrified and full of hope, listening to the engine cool in the parking lot of their first cheap motel, with the rest of their lives together ahead of them. It’s fall 1997, the engine pops over the sound of ocean waves crashing onto the sand of the California coast as he holds Sam close, watching the sun disappear below the golden horizon together. It’s the sound of summer 1999, the engine cools in front of him as he fumbles with the buttons on his jeans on the side of a dark highway near the Colorado border just before midnight as Sam waits for him on the warm hood.

It eases him as he surrenders to the darkness at the edges of his consciousness. He closes his eyes and chokes out a laboured breath as everything fades to black.

Out of the darkness comes a distant sound he can’t quite make out. It’s muffled and echos like he’s underwater, it repeats again and again, getting louder and clearer each time. It’s a voice he realizes, a man’s voice, frantically calling his name. All at once, his heart is racing, pumping adrenaline through his body as his eyes snap open. He blinks up at the ceiling of a dark room, trying to focus through the tears clouding his vision. The air around him is hazy with smoke as it pours in under the door from the hallway, choking him as he tries to breathe. Paralyzed with fear, he cries out for help but he doesn’t make a sound.

It starts with a fire.

He’s four years old, struggling for breath as he runs down a freezing gravel road in the dark. Rocks cut into his bare feet as he carries his crying baby brother wrapped loosely in a blanket away from ruins of the only home he ever knew.

 _‘Run, Dean!’_ His dad had yelled to him through the thick smoke as he thrust Sam into his arms, _’take your brother and run!’_

Quiet tears stream down his cheeks, leaving clean trails though the black soot smeared on his skin. He clings to Sam, holding him tight against his chest as he does as he was told and doesn’t look back.

“It’s going to be okay, Sammy,” he croaks as he tries to catch his breath, “it’s going to be okay,” he repeats to himself as he breaks into tears again. He tries desperately to push all his fear from his mind, to be strong for Sam, all that matters is getting him somewhere safe. When he can’t run anymore he walks, shivering against the freezing night air in his pajamas. Sam fusses in his arms, crying as Dean wraps the blanket tighter around him, trying to keep him as warm as he can. His throat burns as he sobs quietly, listening to the sound of sirens echoing in the distance. 

Headlights light up the road in front of him and his body gives out. He drops to his knees as strangers surround him, one of them takes Sam from his arms and Dean screams out for them to stop. He reaches up, grasping for Sam’s blanket as they turn away from him. He feels arms wrap around him, pulling him off the cold ground as he collapses. 

“You’re going to be okay,” he hears a man’s voice say as everything goes dark.

He comes to surrounded by strangers in blue uniforms. The loud wailing siren of the ambulance drives into his throbbing head as he struggles to see clearly through his watery eyes. Panic spreads through him suddenly as he realizes where he is. His stomach twists, threatening to become sick.

“Where’s Sam?” He chokes out, looking at the woman next to him as he tries to sit up. 

“He’s right here,” she says as she lays a gentle hand against his chest, holding him down, “all safe.” Dean lets out a breath of relief as he reaches out and twists his hand into the corner of Sam’s blanket. “We’re taking him to the hospital with you, they’re going to take good care of you,” she continues in a soft voice, “you dad will be there too.”

“What about mom?” He asks and the woman’s eyes turn sad.

“When your dad is all better, he’ll talk to you about your mom, okay?” She says and Dean nods. He lays his head back down and stares up at the bright light as the the ambulance bumps along toward safety.

At the hospital nurses rush around, poking and prodding at him, pressing cold instruments to his skin as he coughs. They tell him he’s going to be just fine as they clean him up and get him dressed in new clothes. One of the nurses brings Sam to him after awhile, clean and wrapped in a fresh blanket. She sets him in Dean’s lap and sits with them as Sam sleeps. 

A few hours later one of the nurses brings them to see their dad. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he says with a sad smile as Dean climbs up into his bed. John wraps his arms around him, holding him close as the nurse holds Sam.

“Where’s mom?” Dean asks as he sits up. He watches his father’s face fall into something almost unrecognizable.

“Your mom,” John’s voice breaks as he struggles to fight back tears, “your mom went up to heaven, son.” He manages to get the words out before he crumbles. “I couldn’t save her,” he chokes out, “I’m so sorry.” He wipes his eyes on the back of his hand as he looks down at his lap. Dean doesn’t understand completely what the words mean, but this is the first time he has ever seen his father cry and it crushes him. He wraps his arms around John’s neck and holds onto him as they sit together in silence. 

Early the next morning, grandma Deanna shows up at the hospital. Her face is red and her warm eyes are bloodshot. She silently packs up the donated clothes and stuffed animals the hospital provided as Dean sleeps against John’s side.

“Come on, love,” she says softly as she lifts Dean off the bed, “it’s time to go home.” Dean stirs awake at the gentle movement as she sets him on his feet. She is already holding Sam, fast asleep in one arm as she holds out her free hand for Dean to take. 

“When is mom coming back?” Dean asks, sleepily rubbing his eyes as they walk down the brightly lit corridor to the exit. She bursts into tears above him and he thinks he must have said something wrong. He doesn’t mention her again.

The radio plays softly and Dean slips back into sleep the the hum of the engine as she drives them back to her house. He wakes again as she lays him down in her bed. “Here,” she whispers as she lays Sam down next to him, “try to get some sleep, sweetheart.” She tucks the blanket around him and kisses his forehead. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

“Goodnight, grandma,” Dean says as he curls his arms around Sam’s tiny sleeping form and rests his head down against the soft baby hairs on his head. Dean can feel the beating of Sam’s heart against him, steady and strong. As Dean closes his eyes, he makes a promise to himself he’ll never let anything bad happen to Sam again. 

Dean wakes a few hours later to the smell of bacon cooking in the kitchen. He stretches then looks down at Sam, his tiny fist curled around Dean’s finger, and smiles softly knowing Sam is safe as long as they have each other.

It takes a few days for him to get the news he has been waiting for. He’s lying on the floor of the living room, coloring a coloring book of farm animals while cartoons play on the TV in front of him. Sam is in his high chair next to the kitchen table and Dean looks up every few minutes to check on him. Grandma has been on the phone for a while but Dean isn’t bothering to listen.

“Dean, honey?” He hears grandma’s voice from the kitchen after she hangs up, “guess who’s coming to visit us today,” she says, wiping her hands on her apron as she walks into the living room.

“Daddy?” Dean asks, setting his crayon down on the page as he looks up at her. He can’t hold back the grin that spreads across his face, lighting it up with excitement. 

“That’s right,” she smiles, “he’s going to come live with us, here.”

“Right now?” Dean asks as he sits up and looks at the front door.

“Not just yet, he has a few things he has to take care of first.” Her voice turns sad again as Dean looks back up at her, “but he’ll be here as soon as he can.” She wipes her eyes on the back of her hand, then there’s a smile back on her lips. “Want to help me make some cookies for him?”

“Yes!” Dean chirps. He follows her into the kitchen and walks over to Sam’s highchair. “Did you hear that, Sammy?” he asks, climbing onto the nearest chair, “dad’s coming to visit today,” he says with a grin as he pushes Sam’s cheerios around on the plastic tray.

Later that evening, Dean is sitting at the kitchen table when he hears the lock on the front door click open. He jumps down out of his chair and runs to the door, waiting with a hopeful smile as it opens.

“Daddy!” He yells excitedly as he sees John in the doorway.

“Hey, kiddo,” John says as he sets his things down on the couch. The skin under his eyes is dark and puffy, like he hasn’t slept in days. His shoulders are stooped and even though he’s smiling, he looks devastated. 

“Missed you so much,” Dean says with a smile as John kneels down in front of him.

“I missed you too, buddy,” John says as he spreads his arms, welcoming Dean in. Dean runs into his arms and hugs him tight, pressing his face against his dad’s shirt as he breathes him in. He doesn’t notice the tears threatening to break in John’s eyes.

****

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* * *

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They scatter Mary’s ashes at her favorite park at the edge of town. The sky above them is overcast and gray, and the trees once lush green and beautiful, now bare twigs in the wind as they wait in the snow. Grandma cries quietly next to him as she holds his hand, dad doesn’t say much of anything anymore.

“Is daddy okay?” Dean asks grandma one night over dinner. John has been sleeping a lot, sometimes he doesn’t leave his bed for most of the day.

“He’s just tired,” grandma tells him and he nods his head. 

As the weeks pass, some days John doesn’t leave the spare bedroom at all. Dean goes to his door sometimes to try to see him, but grandma calls him back over, she tells him to give his dad some time and that someday he will understand.

Thanksgiving sneaks up that year. Grandma takes them with her as she picks up a few things from the store and Dean helps her as she prepares dinner. John joins them at the kitchen table that night, grandma takes his hand and offers her other hand to Dean. He takes it and looks over to Sam, then back to her, she smiles at him and he lowers his head.

“Dear Father in Heaven,” she says as Dean looks down at his plate of food, “we give you thanks for this meal you have blessed us with,” she pauses for a moment, “and that we are able to share it with our loved ones,” she clears her throat, “amen.”

“Amen,” Dean hears John say quietly.

Christmas morning, Dean runs into the living room in his pajamas and drops down onto his knees in front of the tree. “Can I open them?” He asks as grandma follows him into the room, holding Sam.

“Maybe we should wait for your father,” she says as she hands Sam to Dean. He sets Sam in his lap and hands him one of his toys to chew on. He waits patiently, playing with Sam as he eyes which presents are his.

“It’s your first Christmas, Sammy,” he says quietly as Sam chews, “you see those right there?” He asks as he points to the presents, “those are presents, you get to unwrap them and then you get toys.”

“Go ahead and open one,” he hears grandma say as she walks back into the room.

“What about dad?” Dean asks as he looks up at her.

“He’s not feeling good,” she says and Dean looks back down at Sam. Dad isn’t feeling good most days. 

Dean sits on the floor as he plays with his new Hot Wheels set, he tries to show Sam the cars but Sam just ties to chew on them, so he decides to keep this one thing for himself. 

At dinner, Dean pushes his mashed potatoes around his plate with his fork as his thoughts drift to his mother. “I wish mom was here,” he says before he can stop himself.

“I know,” grandma says as she pats his hand with hers, “I do too.”

“Is she coming back?” He asks quietly as he looks up at her.

She looks back at him and her expression breaks his heart. “No,” she says softly as she wipes her eyes with her napkin, “your mom is up in heaven, honey.”

It finally hits him that his mom is gone forever and he crumbles. He sniffs as tears begin to break the surface, he closes his eyes as he hangs his head and cries. Grandma holds him and brushes her fingers through his hair as he cries, “it’s okay, sweetie,” she shushes him gently, “it’s okay.”

A few months pass and they settle down into a family together. John eventually starts spending more time with them and even goes back to work. Things start to feel almost normal again and Dean is actually happy.

Until one day John sits him down and tells him the news that crushes him.

“I got us a new house,” he says as he kneels on the floor in front of Dean.

“We’re not going to live here anymore?” Dean asks, furrowing his brow as he tries to understand what this means.

“John, can I talk to you?” Grandma says from the kitchen entryway.

“Yeah, sure,” he says as he stands. They walk into the kitchen together and all Dean can hear is grandma saying “you don’t have to do this,” before he tunes them out.

Dean cries quietly in the car on the way to their new house.

It’s a run down single story at the edge of town. Nothing like the old farm house they used to live in. Surrounded by fields with a huge tree and swing in the front yard. It’s nothing like the warm, cozy home they had with grandma.

“This room is for you and Sam,” John says as he stops in front of one of the bedrooms, “and my room is that door at the end of the hall.” He sets Sam down on the floor as he continues, “this is the bathroom,” he says, walking down the hallway to the door between their rooms. “The kitchen is through there,” he points to an open entryway. Dean listens as he looks around their room. There is a small dresser against the far wood paneling covered wall and a bunk bed against the other. Sam’s crib is next to the door and there are stains on the carpet under his feet.

“What do you think?” John asks from behind him and Dean shrugs.

“It’s okay,” he lies. The house is cold and smells weird, like mildew, it doesn’t feel like home and Dean thinks it never will.

“I got you two bunk beds for when Sam’s older,” John says, stepping into their bedroom. He turns and his heart sinks when he sees Dean’s face. “Hey,” he says, kneeling down in front of Dean, “it’ll be okay.” He rests his hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezes gently, “it’s going to work out.”

Every night, Dean sleeps curled around Sam in his crib, keeping him close, keeping him safe. John drinks to pass out most nights and sometimes, Dean can hear him crying out for mom in his sleep. Dean shuts his eyes tight as he pulls Sam close, humming to Sam as he tells himself it’s just a bad dream.

After a while, this life starts to feel normal. Dean’s first day of kindergarten comes and goes. John leaves Sam with grandma while he works and Dean takes the buss to her house after school until John picks them up at night. Sometimes he doesn’t come at all.

Years pass and Dean grows into a sweet, well mannered little boy full of wide eyed naivety. Eager to please and starving for attention from anyone he can get it from. John cares for them, clothes them, makes sure they’re fed, but he’s distant. It makes Dean hungry for affection. Most of what he gets, he gets from Sam, the rest comes from grandma when he sees her, but that’s not often enough.

When Dean is ten years old, he meets a boy named Kyle in his class. Kyle’s parents had enough money to buy a pop up pool for their backyard and he became the kid to try to be friends with. Dean scored an invitation to Kyle’s house for the first Saturday of summer break and he had been counting down the days ever since. 

Dean wakes up to the sun shining through the bent blinds covering their window on the Saturday he had been waiting for, he stretches and ruffles Sam’s hair. A little more than a year ago, John had tried to make them sleep in their own beds, he said they were too old for that stuff now. But neither of them were able to sleep without the other by their side. After about a month of trying, he gave up and let them sleep how they wanted to.

“Time to get up,” he says to Sam as he yawns.

“No,” Sam insists with closed eyes as he grins against their pillow.

“Oh, okay then,” Dean smiles as he sits up and turns to Sam, “keep sleeping,” he laughs as he tickles Sam’s sides. Sam lets out a giggle as he tries to squirm away from Dean.

“Dean, stop!” Sam laughs as he scoots toward the wall. This had become something of a morning routine with them, sometimes it got to the point of being annoying to Dean, but then Sam would smile up at him and Dean would melt into a hopeless mess.

“Get up then,” Dean says as he tickles Sam again.

“Okay,” Sam yawns as he rolls over onto his back. “Kiss first,” he says, pointing to his pursed lips. Dean withdraws his hands as he leans down to press a quick peck to Sam’s lips. 

“Okay?” Dean asks as he sits back up.

“Another,” Sam says with mischievous grin. Dean lets out a defeated sigh as he looks down at Sam’s smiling face, he doesn’t stand a chance. He leans down and peppers quick kisses against Sam’s lips as Sam giggles under him.

“Okay, okay,” Sam laughs as Dean sits back up. 

Dean changes into his swim trunks and a t-shirt and makes himself a small bowl of cereal. He only eats a few bites before excitement gets the best of him and he throws the rest away. He tells John through his bedroom door that he’s going to a friend’s house to go swimming, and he will be back before dark. He runs the few blocks down to Kyle’s in the bright shining sun, smiling the entire way.

He knocks on the front door of the blue house and waits patiently for an answer. He can hear the other kids playing and splashing in the backyard and he wonders if he could just hop the fence. But then the door opens and a tall man in wire frame glasses greets him with a smile.

“I suppose you’re here for the pool,” he says as he looks Dean over. 

Dean can barely hold back his smile as he nods his head, “yes, sir.”

“It’s in the back, right through those doors,” the man says pointing to the sliding glass doors behind him.

“Thanks,” Dean says with another nod as he steps toward the door. 

“Hey,” the man says as he stops Dean with a hand on his shoulder, “what’s your name?” The man’s hand moves, rubbing down Dean’s arm gently as he waits for his answer.

“It’s Dean,” he says quietly as the man looks down at him. The way the man’s eyes trace down his body makes him feel uneasy, he’s never been looked at like that before.

“Nice to meet you, Dean,” he says with a soft smile, “mine’s Gary. If you need anything, let me know, okay?” His fingers play with the collar of Dean’s shirt as Dean looks away towards the door.

“Okay,” Dean nods as he waits for Gary to let go of him, unsure what to do.

“Dad!” He hears Kyle yell from the backyard, “can we have some popsicles?”

“Sure, but only one per person!” Gary yells back. “Better go get one before they’re all gone,” he says as he squeezes Dean’s shoulder then drops his hand finally. 

“Thanks,” Dean says again as he walks toward the back of the house and hears the front door shut behind him.

He spends the rest of the day in and out of the pool, splashing and playing with foam noodles and floaties, unable to shake the uneasy feeling from his mind. The other kids start to leave one by one as late afternoon comes and goes. Dean climbs up the ladder and drops down onto the grass, he grabs one of the towels and wipes the excess water from his skin and hair.

“I should go,” he says to Kyle as he picks his t-shirt up off the porch railing. 

“Come back tomorrow?” Kyle asks from the pool and Dean nods his head as he waves. He pulls open the sliding glass door and steps into the cool house. Gary is standing at the kitchen counter sipping a beer as Dean shuts the door behind him.

“Hey, Dean,” he says and Dean stops. Dean smiles his best polite smile at him quickly as he walks toward the front door. “Wait,” Gary says and Dean stops again, “would you like to stay for a slumber party, Dean?” He asks.

“Uh,” Dean says as he twists his t-shirt in his hands, “yeah, but I need to get home, it’s almost dark.”

“Oh don’t worry, I called your dad already,” he says as he takes another sip off his beer, his eyes never leaving Dean’s, “he said you could stay as long as you want.” Gary smiles at him and Dean relaxes. He had never actually been to a slumber party and one at Kyle’s house sounds pretty fun. 

“Okay,” Dean says with a smile as he turns back to the sliding glass door.

“I’m going to have them come in for the night,” Gary says, setting his empty bottle down on the counter. “Pool times over.” Dean watches as he pulls another bottle out of the refrigerator, this one bright red, and pops the cap off. He takes a long swig and swallows as he walks around the counter and into the dining room, over to where Dean is standing. “Want some?” He asks, holding out the bottle for Dean to take.

“No, no thank you,” Dean says as he looks from the bottle up to Gary.

“Go ahead,” Gary says, moving the bottle closer to him, “It’s good, like juice. I won’t tell anyone, it’ll be our little secret.” 

“Okay,” Dean says as a smile spreads across his lips. He takes the cold bottle from Gary’s hand and brings it to his lips. It’s sweet and tastes like strawberries, he takes a few sips and then looks up at Gary.

“Do you like it?” Gary asks as Dean holds out the bottle for him to take back. Dean nods and Gary smiles, “go ahead, finish it.”

“Thanks,” Dean says as he takes another drink. He starts to feel warm and fuzzy, and like he can’t help smiling. When he’s finished, Gary carefully takes the empty bottle from his hand and sets it on the counter. 

“You should take a shower first, just to get all the chlorine off, it can burn you you know,” Gary says as he sets his hand down on Dean’s shoulder again. “So why don’t I show you where the bathroom is.”

“Okay,” Dean says as Gary guides him down a hallway toward the other end of the house. He feels funny, his body starts to feel heavy as he walks.

“Right here,” Gary says as he stops in front of a door and holds it open for Dean. He flips on the light as Dean walks in. “Here, let me show you how the shower works.” Dean’s stomach twists a little as Gary locks the door behind them and turns back to him. Dean stands, pressed against the counter as he watches Gary turn the faucets on and check the temperature with his hand. After a few minutes, he pulls the lever and the shower head sputters to life.

“Here,” he says as he takes Dean’s shirt from his hands and sets in on the counter behind him. “Go ahead and take your trunks off, Dean.”

****

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* * *

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It’s dark out as Dean runs home as fast as he can, tears streaming down his cheeks as Gary’s words claw through his mind. _’If you tell anyone what you did, they’re going to hate you. You don’t want your dad to hate you, right?’_ Mixed with praises of _’so good’_ and _‘perfect_ ’ as he put his hands and mouth on him. _’You want to be a good boy for me, don’t you, Dean?’_

 _’I’m the only one who can know, okay?’_ He said after as Dean was getting dressed, _‘because I would never hate you, Dean, I love you.’_

He stands in front of the front door of their house and wipes his eyes on his t-shirt, trying to calm himself before stepping into the house. If dad finds out, or Sam… he pushes the thoughts from his mind as he takes in deep breaths, his body still shaking. He knows in his gut it was wrong, he did something terrible. But deep down inside, a part of him wants to go back, to hear that praise again. He doesn’t know which one makes him feel more disgusting. 

Weeks pass and Dean tries to forget what happened, but that tiny voice in the darkest parts of his mind won’t let him. It infects him with thoughts and feelings that turn his stomach in sick ways and he finds himself wanting it. He craves the attention, hungry for affection from a father figure who will tell him the things he needs to hear. He ends up back there more and more often as the months pass. He lets Gary touch him, kiss him, put his mouth where ever he wants as he whispers sweet promises against Dean’s skin. Toward the end, Dean was offering his mouth for Gary to use, usually in the shed next to the mower while Gary’s wife cooked dinner in the house. Gary would pet his head so softly and offer the praises Dean was so desperate for while tears streamed down Dean’s flushed cheeks as he choked.

Dean would have given him everything.

Somehow Gary’s wife finds out he had been abusing several neighborhood boys for years, he is taken into custody two weeks before Dean’s twelfth birthday. The news breaks Dean’s heart and leaves a huge hole in him he is desperate to fill.

Not long after his grandma dies, they bury her on a rainy Tuesday.

It hits Dean hard, he clings to Sam to keep him afloat through another huge loss. The only person he has left who he feels really loves him, is Sam. The two of them drift closer, hardly leaving each other’s side as they tangle together into something Dean knows should feel messed up, but doesn’t. 

John isn’t any help.

Dean starts acting out after that, trying to get John or anyone else to notice he’s hurting. He skips school, picks up a smoking habit, sucks a few older boys in the locker room, and the gym teacher in his office, and slips his fingers into his first pussy in a janitorial closet during recess. He gets into a lot of fights, more than once he comes home from school early with dried blood under his nose and purple blooming under the skin around his eyes. He fights with John constantly, they yell and slam doors while Sam sits quietly in the living room.

After every fight, Sam runs to Dean’s side in their bedroom, hugging him tight as he presses kisses to Dean’s lips until they curl up into a smile and he kisses him back. Dean thinks without Sam, he just might lose it all together.

John gets a call from Dean’s school one night telling him Dean had been suspended from school. “You think this is going to help?” John yells as he slams the receiver down, “you think getting kicked out of school is going to bring them back? Do you think it’s going to make you feel better?”

Dean doesn’t answer, he just stares at the wall. He knows it’s not going to bring them back and he wants to hit John for even suggesting it.

“Do you?” John asks again. He throws a letter about Dean’s grades into Dean’s lap. 

“Do you think getting drunk every night is going to help? Dean asks as he looks up. He can feel himself shaking as he meets his dad’s eyes.

“What did you just say to me?” John asks, his tone low and dark.

“You heard me,” Dean warns, “you’re a fucking drunk.” Dean braces himself for the impact of John’s fist, but to his surprise, John just sits down in his chair and drops his head into his hands. Dean’s heart sinks at the sight, he got so caught up in his own grief he forgot his dad was still hurting too.

“Hey,” Dean says as he stands, “dad, I’m sorry.” He steps forward and puts his hand on John’s shoulder, “I’ll be better.” Dean’s stomach twists into sick knots as he looks down at his father. He pauses for a moment as he struggles with what he’s about to offer. He knows it’s fucked up, but he would do anything for John. 

“I’ll be good for you, daddy,” he says quietly, swallowing hard as he kneels down between John’s knees. He licks his lips as he looks up at John’s hands concealing his face. This is the only way he knows to get praise from the men around him, this is all he’s good at. 

“I still miss her so much,” he hears John say into his hands and Dean lets out a deep sigh as he closes his eyes. He hates himself for the tiny twinge of disappointment he feels. 

“I miss her too,” he says as he pats his father’s knee and stands back up.

****

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* * *

****

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Dean finds out what really happened the night of the fire a few weeks later during a fight with Kyle. His mom passed out drunk on the couch with a lit cigarette in her hand and he can’t help but hate her for it. 

He doesn’t tell Sam.


	2. December 13, 1993

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Very underage (Sam is 10) kisses and light touching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**December 13, 1993**

* * *

  


Dean pulls his coat tighter around himself and breathes into his gloved hands. The sidewalk under his feet is crunchy with salt with ice patches in places. He can still taste the girl he skipped last period with on his tongue as he waits outside the elementary school. He smiles to himself as he licks her from his lips, she said he was the best she’d ever had. Which, he thinks, isn’t really saying much. The other boys at their school were subpar at best, and Dean would know, he’s messed around with his fair share behind closed doors. But he was more than happy to take the compliment, and even happier to please. 

He hears the bell ring out and watches as the front doors open and kids start to flood out. He scans the crowd until he spots Sam’s blue and red hat bopping along through the sea of other colors, and smiles as he watches Sam cross the street toward him. 

“Hey, kid,” Dean says with a grin as Sam steps up next to him. Dean wraps an arm around Sam’s shoulder and pulls him tight against him.

“Hey,” Sam says, wrinkling his nose as he looks up at Dean, “you smell gross.”

Dean laughs, “that would be the smell of success, Sam.” 

“What was her name?” Sam asks, rolling his eyes as they start to walk, Dean’s arm still around his shoulders.

“Amber,” Dean says with a satisfied smile. They’re quiet as they walk, ice melt crunching beneath their boots. “How was school?” Dean asks after a few minutes. 

“It was okay,” Sam says, kicking at the snow covering the grass next to the sidewalk, “what about you?”

“Well, she was definitely the highlight of the day,” Dean laughs as he drops his arm to his side. “Sometimes it’s hard being me, Sam.”

“Gosh, I feel so bad for you,” Sam says as he pulls his hat farther down over his ears, sick of hearing about Dean and all his dumb girls. He couldn’t care less about any of them.

“Hey,” Dean says, “you’ll get here someday, you just wait.”

“If you say so,” Sam says as he puffs out a breath into the cold air. Dean puts an arm out, stopping Sam in his tracks.

“What?” He asks, “you don’t think so?”

“Nevermind,” Sam groans as he starts to walk again, “forget it, okay?”

“No, wait,” Dean says, stopping Sam again, “what?”

“I just,” Sam starts, then pauses as he collects his thoughts, “I just, I don’t know, I just don’t like girls like you do.”

“That’s because you’re only ten, give it a couple of years,” Dean says, nudging Sam’s arm with his elbow as they walk. Sam is still so young, when Dean was his age he was naive and heading straight toward an affair with a much older man. He doesn’t want that for Sam, for him to grow up that fast. He doesn’t want Sam to lose what innocence he has left. 

“I don’t want to,” Sam says quietly as he kicks the snow.

Dean stops again as he wraps his head around what Sam is trying to say. “You don’t like girls?” Sam takes a few more steps then stops, he turns around and looks at Dean, waiting for his answer. A quiet moment passes as Sam debates whether or not to say how he really feels. 

“I kind of just like,” he pauses for a moment as Dean stares at him, “you,” he admits finally. Dean’s eyebrows pull together as he looks at him silently. Ever since Sam can remember he’s felt differently for Dean than anyone else. He realized after the fact that Dean was his first crush, he was even his first real kiss, when he was eight. They kissed all the time growing up, it was just a thing they did, but this one was different, it meant something more to Sam. People in love kissed in the movies he watched and Sam realized that was how he felt about Dean.

Dad was in the kitchen cooking dinner and Dean was sitting next to him on the couch as they watched the last few minutes of Sixteen Candles, waiting for Stand By Me to start. He watched as the two characters sat together on a table with birthday cake between them. They leaned in slowly, then kissed as the credits began to roll up the screen. He glanced over at Dean, his stomach flipping with nervous excitement as he worked up the nerve to move, to kiss Dean for real. Dean looked over to him and smiled when he saw Sam looking at him and that was it. Sam closed his eyes as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s, soft and slow like in the movies. 

Dean pulled away at first, glancing toward the kitchen quickly to check for their dad, then as he turned back to Sam, he twisted his face up with a mix of emotions, looking at him just like he’s looking at him now, then kissed him back.

“Really?” Dean asks as he looks at him.

“I mean,” Sam shrugs, “yeah.” 

“Well shit,” Dean says as he huffs out a laugh, “I knew you were crazy about me, but I didn’t know just how bad you had it,” he tries to joke as he starts walking again.

“You don’t feel the same way about me?” Sam asks as he catches up to Dean.

“Madly in love?” Dean laughs, “I think you’re too young to know how you feel, Sam.” Dean breathes into his gloves again, trying to warm his nose.

“Maybe I am,” Sam says, “but you didn’t answer me.” They walk in silence for another block, Dean’s hands are shoved into his pockets and he’s staring straight ahead. Sam follows behind him, wondering if maybe Dean doesn’t actually love him how he thought. Maybe he is just a stupid kid, just like those girls who chase Dean, convinced he loves them.

“Yeah,” Dean says suddenly, breaking the silence between them, “yeah, I think I do.” He pulls his hand from his jacket pocket and offers it to Sam. Sam’s stomach floats up to his throat and he can’t stop smiling as he takes Dean’s hand. They walk together hand in hand, smiles on their faces, the rest of the way home.

Dad’s car isn’t in the driveway when they get home, Sam figures he must be working late. He stands by, breathing into his gloved hands as Dean unlocks the front door.

“Dad must’ve forgot to pay the heat bill again,” Dean groans as they step into the freezing house. 

“We’re going to freeze to death,” Sam says, puffing breaths into the air as Dean shuts the door behind them. He drops his backpack on the ground next to Dean’s and watches Dean disappear into the hallway.

“We’ve got lots of extra blankets,” Sam hears Dean say from the hall closet, “we’ll survive.” He returns with an armful of blankets and drops them in dad’s chair. He pulls one from the pile and wraps it around Sam’s shoulders. Sam pulls it tight as Dean wraps himself up.

“We can always stand in front of the oven if it gets too bad,” Dean laughs and Sam appreciates his optimism.

Dean draws them a bath and they climb in together, careful to keep their hair dry as they wash each other. It’s not often anymore they get to do this, only when John is gone for the night. Sam lays back against Dean’s bare chest as they soak in the hot water, they stay like that until the water starts to cool. Sam shivers as they dry off and change into sweatpants, sweatshirts, and three pairs of socks each.

The temperature drops as it gets dark so they decide to call it an early night. Dean hauls the pile of blankets to their bedroom and drops them onto their bed. He grabs two off the top and takes them to John’s room and lays them on his bed. Sam climbs into their freezing bed first and Dean lays the rest of the blankets over him, then shuts off the lights and climbs in next to him.

Dean lays on his back and pulls Sam in close against his side, Sam curls around him and tucks his feet under Dean’s legs. He nestles his head against Dean’s shoulder and tucks the blankets up under his chin. They lay in silence for a while, going over their earlier conversation in their heads. Dean kisses the top of Sam’s head and rests his cheek against Sam’s soft hair.

Sam moves his hand to rest flat against Dean’s stomach and Dean lets out a tired sight. Sam is still for a few minutes, listening to the sound of Dean’s steady breaths, then slides his cold hand into the waistband of Dean’s sweatpants.

Dean flinches at the touch, “fuck, your hands are cold,” he breathes out.

“I know,” Sam smiles, “I need to warm them up.” Dean breathes in sharply and tenses up as Sam rests his hand against him. He relaxes after a minute or two as the heat of his skin warms Sam’s palm. Sam closes his eyes as he holds him, warm and soft in his hand, the touch was always comforting to him. Laying with Dean like this is his favorite way to sleep. 

Dean moves suddenly, catching Sam off guard as he tips Sam’s chin up and kisses him. He presses his lips to Sam’s softly and Sam just about melts. He feels Dean’s tongue as he licks his lips and he opens up to it, letting him in as he kisses Dean back. It’s clumsy and messy, their noses and teeth bump together as Sam mimics Dean’s movements. His heart is racing with nerves as he feels Dean slowly hardening against his hand.

After a while, Dean breaks the kiss just as suddenly as it started, he lays his head back down on the pillow with a sigh. “Goodnight, Sam,” he says and Sam closes his eyes.

“Goodnight,” Sam whispers back as he lays back down against Dean’s shoulder.


	3. August 8, 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Very under age (Sam is 12) non graphic oral sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**August 8, 1995**

* * *

  
“I think he went to bed,” Dean whispers in the dark after hearing the soft click of their dad’s bedroom door down the hallway.

“Finally,” Sam whispers back as he moves to sit up, ready to go, before Dean stops him with a hand on his chest.

“We still have to wait until he falls asleep though,” Dean says and Sam settles back down next to him, “don’t want to get caught again. He rests his hand back down on the warm skin of Sam’s stomach under his t-shirt.

“He’ll probably put bars on the windows,” Sam says with a smile, a shiver runs through his body as Dean’s thumb barely skims across his skin. 

“We wouldn’t want that,” Dean whispers back, Sam can hear the smile on his lips. They lay quietly together, listening for any sign John is still up as Dean absentmindedly brushes his fingertips along Sam’s stomach. 

“Think he’s asleep?” Sam asks after a few minutes of silence.

“Close enough,” Dean whispers as he sits up. He holds their window open as Sam climbs out into the still air of the warm August night. Dean follows behind him and closes their window quietly behind him.

Sam slips his hand into Dean’s as they walk down the sidewalk and Dean smiles down at him. Bugs flutter around the street lamps above them, a dog’s bark echos in the distance. Now that they’re older, it’s nice to be able to be close like this, to be able to be themselves outside of their bedroom, without worrying who could see them. Without the threat of being caught.

“Where do you want to go?” Sam asks, looking up at Dean through his bangs.

“I have an idea,” Dean grins. He squeezes Sam’s hand tighter as he leads him across the street. 

“Where?” Sam asks as they pass under a streetlamp. A car passes and Sam feels Dean’s grip on his hand go slack as he starts to pull away, but then he stops and Sam can’t help but smile.

“It’s a surprise,” Dean says as the red taillights disappear around a corner.

“Tell me,” Sam whines as he nudges Dean with his shoulder.

“I said, it’s a surprise. We still have a couple blocks to go,” Dean says as he tugs at Sam’s hand, “come on.” They walk well into town before Dean stops and says, “we’re here.”

“What are we going to do at the motel?” Sam asks, looking up at Dean in confusion.

“Just trust me,” Dean says with a grin. He crosses the street with Sam following behind him. “We’re going swimming.”

“Really?” Sam smiles wide as he steps up to the wooden fence surrounding the pool. 

“Yeah,” Dean says, “come here so I can boost you over the fence.” He kneels on the ground next to Sam and holds his hands out with his fingers laced together. Sam steps onto Dean’s hands and Dean stands, pushing Sam up to the top. He climbs over the fence and drops down onto the cement on the other side.

“I can’t believe we’re sneaking into a pool,” Sam giggles.

“Told you I had an idea,” Dean grunts as he drops down next to Sam.

“Good idea,” Sam says as he walks to the edge of the glowing blue water reflecting ripples all around them. He crouches and dips his fingers into the warm water, watching as the ripples spread out into the middle. As Sam plays with the water, Dean toes off his shoes and socks. He strips out of his clothes and slips quietly into the water. It’s warm but cool enough to still feel good against the summer air.

“C’mon,” Dean grins as he swims backward into the center of the pool.

Sam stands and Dean watches as he strips down and sets his clothes next to Dean’s. He sits on the edge of the pool, kicking his legs into the water before pushing off and splashing into the water. Dean laughs quietly as Sam comes up for air and shakes his hair out of his face. Sam splashes water at him and Dean laughs harder.

“Shh,” Dean laughs, “shh, we’re gonna get caught.”

Sam swims toward Dean so Dean swims away and dives beneath the water. He swims up to Sam and splashes him back as he comes up for air. Sam giggles and swims away toward the deep end and stops, resting against the edge. Dean catches his breath from laughing as he looks over at Sam, his beautiful little brother with his wet hair hanging in his eyes and a huge smile on his face.

Dean’s got it bad.

He swims toward Sam and splashes him again. As Sam laughs and tries to wipe the water out of his eyes, Dean kisses him. Sam lets go of the edge of the pool and holds onto either side of Dean’s face as he kisses him back. After a few minutes, Sam pulls away and swims toward the other edge of the pool, leaving Dean needing more. Sam climbs the ladder and turns around to sit on the top rung. Dean dives under again and swims up to where Sam is waiting. 

“What do you want, Sam?” Dean asks as he reaches the ladder looking up Sam through his wet bangs.

“Your mouth,” Sam says with a sly smile on his flushed lips. 

“Where?” Dean asks as he holds onto the ladder between Sam’s spread knees. 

“Here,” Sam says as he points down. Dean licks his lips as he looks where Sam’s finger is resting and back up to Sam’s eyes. He’s hopeless. 

Dean strokes himself under the water with the familiar taste of Sam, mixed with the harsh chemical taste of chlorine on his tongue. Sam’s hand hold tight to the ladder to keep himself steady as his hips buck forward, pushing into Dean’s mouth. Sam’s body contracts with a whimper and Dean strokes him though it. He pulls off and looks up at Sam, panting above him, and strokes himself faster until he spills into the water under Sam’s feet. He leans and lifts himself further out of the water to meet Sam’s lips with his. 

The sound of a door shutting snaps them both out of it, they look over to the gate and see a light coming their way. Sam jumps up and Dean climbs the ladder after him as fast as he can.

“Shit, go!” Dean urges as they run to where they left their clothes. They gather up the pile and throw them over the fence before Dean hoists Sam up. He climbs over and as Dean is pulling himself up after, the light hits him. 

“Hey!” A man yells, “hey you, stop!” Dean hops the rest of the way over and gathers up the clothes Sam doesn’t have. They run naked down the street toward home as fast as they can until they know they’re free. Dean leads Sam behind a building to get dressed without the threat of being seen. They pull their clothes on and laugh about it as they walk the rest of the way, hand in hand.

When they reach their window, Dean holds it open for Sam as he climbs in, then follows behind him. They change into dry underwear and dry their hair as much as they can with their shirts before climbing back into bed. Dean lays on his back and Sam curls up next to him, he rests his head against Dean’s shoulder and tucks his hand into Dean’s briefs.

“Thanks, Dean,” Sam whispers into the darkness.

“You’re welcome,” Dean whispers back.


	4. September 3, 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Underage smoking and very underage (Sam is 12) non graphic frottage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**September 3, 1995**

* * *

  
“Sam, hey Sam,” Dean’s voice eases Sam into consciousness, “wake up.” Sam blinks his eyes open as he tries to focus on Dean’s face in the dark. It’s late, Sam waited up for Dean as long as he could before he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

“Wha-what?” Sam asks, rubbing his eyes as he moves to sit up. 

“I’ve got a surprise for you, I’m turning on the light.” He hears Dean say as he yawns. Sam squints and shields his eyes as bright light fills the room. Dean is standing by the door, smiling as he looks back at Sam, his face is flushed and his eyes are shining, Sam can tell from here he’s drunk.

“Where have you been?” Sam asks as Dean steps up to the side of their bed.

“I was at Brian’s house,” he says and Sam can smell the booze on his breath, “he had a party.”

“Okay, what’s the surprise?” Sam asks as he looks Dean over. His eyes have adjusted and now he’s genuinely curious about what Dean could possibly be surprising him with in the middle of the night.

“You ready?” Dean asks, looking down at him with a crooked grin on his lips.

“Yeah, Dean, just show me,” Sam says as he yawns again. 

“Okay,” Dean says as he unbuttons the fly of his jeans, he hooks his thumbs into the waistband and starts to pull them down his hips.

“Dean, it’s the middle of the night, and that is not a surprise, I-” he starts before Dean cuts him off. 

“No, look,” he says as he pulls his briefs down, exposing the new addition low on his hip bone, just above the patch of hair there. 

“Is that real?” He asks as he looks from the mark up to meet Dean’s eyes. 

“Yeah, Brian’s cousin did it,” Dean says, grinning ear to ear, “do you like it?” He asks eagerly. Sam reaches out to touch the irritated looking skin surrounding the dark _S.W._ there. 

“Yeah,” he breathes out as he brushes his fingertips against the raised skin, “does it hurt?”

“Not so much anymore, hurt like a bitch when he was doing it though,” Dean shrugs, “I was kind of into it.” 

Sam looks back up at Dean, meeting his eyes, “I can’t believe you did this for me.”

“I want you to be a part of me, forever,” Dean says, sitting on the edge of their bed, “No matter who I’m with, I want them to know who I belong to.” He kicks off his jeans and stips out of his shirt. Sam scoots over to make room and Dean climbs onto the mattress, resting his back against the wall. He opens the window and a gentle warm breeze blows past them. Sam turns around and rests his back against the wall next to Dean.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Sam says quietly as Dean reaches under their mattress. 

“I know, but I wanted to,” he says as he sits back up holding a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He pulls a cigarette out of the pack and places it between his lips, Sam watches as he flicks the lighter and brings the flame to the tip. “I mean it,” he says around the cigarette as he lights it, “you and me,” he pauses as he takes a drag and exhales it into the air, “forever.”

“You and me forever,” Sam repeats as he watches Dean. He swallows hard as Dean hands him the cigarette, saying the words aloud makes his stomach flutter. He wants to be with Dean in every way he knows how, completely and totally. To be Dean’s and no one else’s. 

“What if dad sees it?” He asks, as he realizes dad could find out about them, about everything. 

“That would mean dad was looking at my dick, and if he was going to do that, he would have done it years ago,” Dean huffs out a laugh as he looks off toward the door. “Dad’s not going to find out, Sam, it’s okay,” he adds when Sam doesn’t laugh. 

“You’re the best brother ever,” Sam says as he brings the cigarette to his lips and inhales. 

“You got that right,” Dean says with a smile as he turns to Sam and wraps his arm around his shoulders. He pulls Sam close and presses a kiss to the top of his head as Sam exhales with a cough. He hands the cigarette back Dean and climbs into Dean’s lap, facing him as he settles on his thighs. 

Dean takes another drag as he looks up at Sam, then snuffs it out on the window sill and tosses it out the window. He exhales smoke as he leans in and meets Sam’s waiting mouth. Sam wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and presses flush against him as they kiss. Rolling their hips together as Dean grabs hold of the back of Sam’s t-shirt, holding onto him tight.

When it’s over, they change into clean underwear and bury the stained ones deep in the hamper. They climb into bed with smiles on their lips and fall asleep tangled together in the warmth of the late summer night. 

They’ve got all the time in the world and nothing can bring them down, as long as they’ve got each other.


	5. December 15, 1995

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Mentions of implied IV drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**December 15, 1995**

* * *

  
It’s sometime after nine by the time Dean pulls into the driveway, the sun long since set. He sits for a moment, hands on gripping the steering wheel and eyes on the front door, thinking about how he let them get to this point. His boss at the factory has him working most evenings now and he takes as many hours as he can get. The stress of dropping out of school and working full time to support himself and Sam is beginning to take it’s toll. With Sam at school during the day, he feels like the only time he gets to spend with him anymore is at night and by then he’s too tired to do much.

He thinks about how the loss of their father still doesn’t feel real, like any day now he’s going to come through the front door at 5:25, kick off his boots and sit right down in his big chair like he used to. Like maybe he’s on vacation somewhere nice and not slowly rotting in the frozen ground of the cemetery at the edge of town. 

Worst of all, is the feeling he’s letting Sam down. Now is the time he needs him most and he’s not there like he should be, a distance is growing between them that they’ve never felt before. They’re talking to each other less and the only time they really touch anymore is when Dean wakes up to the sound of Sam crying next to him. He holds Sam close and tells him it’s going to be alright, that they’re going to be okay. Even if he doesn’t believe it himself, he does his best to make sure Sam believes he does.

Sam is sitting cross legged at the coffee table when he walks in, they exchange ‘hey’s as Dean takes off his jacket. There is a cold bowl of generic mac and cheese waiting for him in the microwave, the pot is washed and sitting in the drying rack, Sam ate without him.

“How was work?” He hears Sam ask over the hum of the microwave, he gives the standard ‘it was fine’ answer.

He sits on the couch and eats while Sam finishes his homework, trying to ignore the empty chair next to them, and the growing distance between him and the only person he has left, a distance that is completely his fault. 

“I’m going to take a bath,” Sam says suddenly as he shuts his book. 

“Alright,” Dean says back as Sam stands but doesn’t move. He can feel Sam staring at him so he looks up to meet Sam’s eyes and his heart breaks.

“Will you get in with me?” Sam asks quietly as Dean looks at him, he looks like he’s on the verge of tears. Dean knows he’s losing the one good thing he has left for no reason other than his own selfish pain and guilt.

“Yeah okay, Sam,” he answers. He’s not going to let it happen.

They strip down and Dean climbs in as Sam turns on the taps. He sits with his back against the cold edge of the tub and Sam settles down between his knees with his back against Dean’s chest, just like they used to. Sam doesn’t notice the track marks and bruises on Dean’s arm and if he does, he doesn’t say anything. The steady dripping of the faucet their dad never got around to fixing echos off the mint colored tiles around them. As they sit together in silence, he realizes just how much he missed being with Sam like this and how stupid he is to let it slip away.

“I miss you,” Sam says quietly, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted Dean to hear him.

“I miss you too,” Dean answers and it’s the most honest thing he’s said to Sam in a long time.

“And I miss dad,” he hears Sam say and his chest tightens.

“I know, baby, I miss him too,” Dean says as he wraps his arms around Sam’s chest and rests his chin on his shoulder. He holds Sam close as the water starts to cool. 

“I feel like I never see you anymore, it’s like you’re gone too,” Sam’s voice breaks the silence again. Dean has never hated himself more than this very moment, he got so caught up in himself that he lost sight of the one thing that matters most to him.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he pauses and thinks about all the things he should be apologizing for. Sorry for not being there for you like I should have been, sorry I’ve been so distant, sorry you’re hurting, sorry you feel alone. I’m sorry I can’t cope with this on my own, sorry I’m going to let you down again when you find out what I’ve been doing, I’m sorry I’m failing you.

He settles on, “for everything.”

Dean feels Sam’s shoulders shake as he starts to cry, he pulls him against him tighter and says, “don’t cry, sweetheart,” in his warmest voice. He kisses Sam’s shoulder then rests his face side by side against Sam’s cheek. “I’ll talk to my boss, get my hours changed. That way I can work while you’re at school and we’ll have all kinds of time together,” he promises and Sam sniffles.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re gonna be alright, okay?” He says, hoping not only that Sam will believe him, but that he’ll believe it himself this time. When Sam nods Dean feels a wave of relief wash over him, maybe they are actually going to make it.

“We’re going to catch pneumonia and we haven’t even washed yet, who’s great idea was this?” Dean jokes as he hugs Sam tight again, “you just wanted to get me naked again, huh? You perv.” He gets a tiny smile out of Sam and everything is still going to shit, but at least he’s still got his little brother.

“C’mon,” he says as he moves to stand up, hauling Sam to his feet with him, “let’s get the shower going and warm up.”

They dry off and change into clean clothes and climb into their dad’s old bed. Dean holds Sam close, keeping as much skin to skin contact as he can to make sure Sam knows he’s there for him, that he won't let him go. 

They fall asleep that night tangled up in each other and sleep better than they have in weeks.


	6. January 16, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** IV drug use, trading sex for drugs, and dub-con/non-con.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**January 16, 1996**

* * *

  
Dean pulls into the driveway just before noon on a snowy Tuesday. His head is pounding, he feels like it might break apart at any moment, the pain making him nauseous. His clothes are damp from sweat but he can’t stop shivering, he feels like he’s freezing. His hand shakes as he takes the key out of the ignition, he sits for a moment deciding what he’s going to do next.

His boss sent him home early thinking he had the flu, Dean didn’t argue. He told Dean to stay home a few days and take care of himself, and that he could come back when he feels better. Dean thanked him and left, the effects of withdrawal making it impossible for him to work anyway.

It’s been twenty-two hours.

He thought he could make it through to his next paycheck, but now doesn’t think he’ll make it to tomorrow. The car door slams behind him as he pulls his jacket tight around himself and steps out into the snow. By the time he makes it the few blocks to the house he feels like he’s freezing to death. He pounds on the door and then pulls his arms in tight, tucking his hands into his armpits. It takes a minute or two for the door to swing open. He’s never seen the man in front of him before and it makes him uneasy.

“Is, uh-” he starts and then coughs, “is Sean here?” The man at the door looks him up and down then closes the door over. Dean can hear him say something to someone inside then the door opens again and he motions for Dean to enter.

Sean is sitting on the couch next to two other people and there’s two more on the floor. The room is dim and the TV is on too low for him to hear it. He steps in further and makes eye contact with Sean and Sean nods. He stands and walks into the kitchen, Dean follows.

“The usual?” Sean asks as he sits at the table.

“I don’t have the money at the moment,” Dean confesses, “our bills were due this week and the heating bill,” he coughs again, “was more than I expected, what little we had left I spent on a few groceries.” Sean shakes his head and moves to stand up.

“I feel like I’m fuckin’ dying here, man,” Dean’s voice shakes as the words come out, “I need it,” he pleads, just about ready to drop to his knees and beg.

“I can’t give you anything unless you pay,” Sean says as he stands, “you know that.”

“I’m desperate, man,” Dean blurts out as he moves to block Sean’s path back to the living room.

“Alright,” Sean nods as he looks Dean over, “maybe I can figure out a way you can pay me.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean says, “anything.”

“Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off,” Sean says, nodding toward the door at the far corner of the living room. Dean hesitates for a moment, but the sickness is too much and he is too weak, so he agrees, he nods and walks over someone lying on the floor. The door to the room is unlocked, he pushes it open slowly and steps into the dim space. Sean follows him in and closes the door behind him. Dean stops and looks at him, making sure this is really what he meant.

“Go on,” Sean says, so he does.

He pulls off his layers one after another until he’s standing in front of Sean, naked and shivering. He wraps his arms around his torso to try to warm himself up.

“Get on the bed,” Sean orders as he digs through the top drawer of the dresser. Dean hesitates again, then does as he’s told. “Lay down,” Sean says as he turns back around with a kit in his hand.

The mattress dips as Sean climbs on next to him. He grabs Dean’s arm and pulls it over to him then wraps the rubber tubing around Dean’s bicep and ties it tight. Dean lays his head back and breathes deep, knowing relief is within reach. He closes his eyes and listens as Sean taps the syringe, his body shivers as Sean searches for a vein.

The needle pierces his skin and the wave of heat flowing through his veins is immediate. Sean pulls the needle out and sets it on the nightstand next to the bed, then unties the tubing. Dean lets out a sigh of relief as the heat spreads through his body. He feels his shaking start to still and his body relaxes as his pain disappears all at once. He lays there, unmoving until he feels Sean’s hand cup his cock. He moves the brush him off but he feels heavy, like he can’t move, then Sean is rubbing him and telling him to turn over. The realization of what’s about to happen sinks in and he wants to feel ill but he can’t. His protest dies on his tongue as he sinks further into the high and he does as he’s told.

His face is pressed into the mattress as Sean lifts his hips so he’s on his knees. The edges of his vision start to fade like he’s in a dream as he watches Sean grab the crusty tub of Vaseline off the nightstand.

He’s never done this before and he’s terrified. 

For a moment, he wants to stop this before it goes any farther, but he’s fading and the thought melts away. He feels Sean smear the cold, slimy Vaseline onto his skin then Sean’s thick fingers are pushing it into him. He takes a deep breath and then as quickly as they entered him, they’re gone. Suddenly he’s feeling the sharp, burning sting of being stretched too much too quickly and he cries out. Sean hushes him as he pushes in further, he tells Dean to relax as Dean feels Sean filling him. He feels like he’s going to rip open any second. There sheets under his face are soaked with tears as he bites onto his lip to keep quiet. It’s too much then all at once it fades into a dull ache as his body become numb. 

Then it all goes black.

When he comes to he’s face down on the mattress and alone. He starts to turn over and the sharp pain he feels brings it all flooding back.

Sean fucked him.

Sean fucked him and he let him do it.

His body protests and he lets out a sharp groan as he sits on the edge of the bed. He drops his head into his hands, ashamed of what he’s done and what Sam would think if he knew how far he let himself sink into this pit of shit. He pushes the thoughts out as best he can and stands, he reaches behind himself to check the damage. He touches his abused hole gingerly, there’s a little blood in the Vaseline left on his skin when he looks at his fingers.

He walks into the attached bathroom and grabs a washcloth from the shower. He runs the tap until it’s warm then soaks the washcloth. He lifts his leg up onto the toilet and gently cleans the area, checking for blood as he goes. It hurts like a bitch but there isn’t much so he guesses he’s okay. He rinses the washcloth and walks back into the room. He notices the little baggie sitting on the bed next to where he had been laying. He pulls on his clothes and tucks the baggie into his pocket, then leaves the room. Sean is sitting on the couch again, but now he’s alone. He looks at him and motions for him to come over, so Dean does.

“Here,” Sean says as he reaches into his pocket, “go buy you and your little brother some decent food.” He hands Dean $200, “and some new clothes.”

“Thanks,” Dean says as he takes the money. It feels wrong and he can’t look Sean in the eyes.

“I’ll keep helping you out, if you come around here more often,” he smiles as he looks up at Dean, “and do some more favors for me.” He reaches out and cups Dean’s cock through his jeans. There is no way Dean can keep the house, keep Sam alive and support his habit on the money he makes at the factory. He needs this to survive.

“Okay,” he says and his voice sounds distant.

He feels numb.

Its after seven when Dean opens the front door to their house, Sam is already home.  
“Hey,” Sam smiles as Dean closes the door behind him. Dean doesn’t answer. “Where have you been?” Sam asks.

“Out,” Dean says as he walks down the hallway to the bathroom. He shuts the door behind him and turns the hot water on. He reaches into his pocket and feels the baggie as the mirror starts to steam up. He pulls it out and turns it over in his fingers.

He stands under the hot water and doesn’t move, just closes his eyes and feels the water run down his skin. As the water starts to cool, he lathers up and scrubs the traces of Sean from his body.

He knows the whole situation is fucked, but he can’t stop.

* * *

  



	7. February 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** IV drug use, trading sex for drugs, prostitution, and non-con.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**February, 1996**

* * *

  
Dean knocks on the front door of the little house on the outskirts of town, he knows what’s coming but he’s past the point of being able to stop. He breathes into the air as he waits, watching his breath float away and disappear into the cold. After a few minutes he hears a familiar voice asking who it is from the other side of the door and his stomach drops. No turning back now.

“It’s Dean.”

Dean hears the lock click and the door cracks open, the tall man whose name he never learned looks him over then opens the door wide enough for Dean to squeeze in. Dean pulls his coat off and hangs it on one of the hoods next to the door. Sean is sitting on the couch by himself watching TV, he looks at Dean then gestures to the tall man to leave the room. Sean motions for Dean to come over to him so Dean does.

“Take your clothes off and get on your knees,” Sean orders. Dean strips out of his clothes without hesitation, grateful for the warmth inside the house. He kneels down in front of Sean and looks down at the carpet under his knees as Sean pulls his cock out of his jeans and spreads his legs wide to make room. Dean scoots forward and opens his mouth.

“Take your time,” Sean says as he rubs the head of his cock against Dean’s lips. Dean closes his eyes and takes hold of it, he licks up the underside as Sean leans back against the couch and changes the channel. Dean works him over slow, Sean runs his fingers through Dean’s hair with one hand as he takes a swig off his beer with the other. The gentleness of Sean’s touch makes him sick. Dean’s knees are starting to hurt by the time there is a knock at the door and Dean flinches as Sean yells above him, asking who it is. Dean pulls back to look at the door but Sean tells him to keep going and guides Dean’s head back to his lap.

“It’s Chuck, you fucking moron,” the voice on the other side of the door says as Dean closes his eyes again and nuzzles at Sean’s heavy balls, trying to be good for Sean because he and Sam both need him to. Sean’s cock bounces against his cheek as he lets out a laugh and Dean hears the door unlock and then shut and lock again, then the couch dips as Chuck sits down next to Sean.

“This is Dean,” Dean hears Sean say as he sucks at the base of Sean’s cock, “he’s working off his debt.” Dean furrows his brow as he tries to pretend he isn’t really there. “Ain’t he pretty?” Sean asks as he takes a hold of Dean’s jaw with one hand and holds it open as he guides his cock into his throat. 

“Fuckin’ beautiful,” Chuck says, looking over Dean’s naked body as he chokes.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Sam started to notice a change in Dean a few weeks ago, around his seventeenth birthday. Ever since dad died, Dean was quieter, more distant, but this was different. After Dean started working days, Sam thought they would get to spend more time together, and they did for a while, but then Sam started seeing less and less of Dean again. Sometimes Dean wouldn’t even come home at all. Sam tried not to worry, he kept telling himself Dean was okay, that everything was okay, just like Dean would tell him.

But now it’s getting worse.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Sean holds Dean’s head still with both hands as he fucks Dean’s throat. Dean tries to relax, tries not to gag or choke, but it feels like his throat is on fire and tears start streaming down his cheeks. Sean finally pulls out with a grunt, long strings of spit and precome stretch between Dean’s swollen lips and the shining head of Sean’s cock as Sean strokes himself fast. He comes, spilling across Dean’s lips and cheek and Dean wants to throw up.

“Lick it clean,” Sean says, holding the head of his cock in front of Dean’s messy lips. Dean closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath and leans in to gather the last beads of come from the tip onto his tongue. 

“Good boy,” Sean purrs as he tucks himself back into his pants. A sick mixture of disgust and pride twists Dean’s stomach into knots at the words. Sean stands and leads Dean into the bedroom. Dean knows the drill by now, he sits on the edge of the bed and presents his arm, his body aching for the relief he knows is coming.

Sean pulls his kit out of the drawer and shoots Dean up. Dean lays back onto the bed and rolls over onto his stomach. He lets the heroin take him under as he waits for what comes next. This is the third time Dean has sold himself to Sean for a fix. Physically, it hasn’t been as bad as the first time, at least he knows what to expect now and can prepare. But he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the self loathing that comes after. As Dean drifts farther and farther away, he hears Sean ask Chuck if he wants a go with him. He can hear a belt unbuckling behind him and before he can protest it all goes black.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Dean wasn’t home when Sam came home from school. He did his homework, watched cartoons, cooked two dinners, hoping Dean would show up soon. By nine o’clock, Dean still hadn’t shown, so Sam put his dinner in the refrigerator and got ready for bed. He couldn’t sleep when Dean was missing, his stomach ached with worry, thinking Dean was dead somewhere. He laid there for what felt like hours, staring up at their ceiling. Then after telling himself Dean always comes back, Dean is always fine enough times, he turned over and closed his eyes.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Dean wakes up a sticky mess in a dark room. He sits up and walks into the attached bathroom and flips on the light, it flickers and buzzes to life. He grabs a towel and runs it under the faucet, avoiding the mirror as he wipes the dried come from his face and body. He walks back into the bedroom and sees someone left his clothes on the bed for him, he pulls them on and tucks the little baggie and desperately needed $50 Sean left for him into his pocket. He walks into the living room to get his coat and sees Chuck sitting on the couch. Chuck looks at him and licks his lips, Dean feels his stomach creep up into his throat.

He makes it out to his car before he can’t hold it in anymore and he throws up on the driveway, bracing himself on the door handle. He heaves until he’s empty and spits the last of it onto the ground then wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. He feels disgusting and needs a distraction, so he drives to a nearby bar on the way home and grabs the first girl he can.

****

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* * *

****

****  


Sam wakes up to the sound of the front door slamming closed. He blinks his eyes and looks at the bright red numbers on the alarm clock across the bed: 3:22 am. He throws the blanket off and sits up, then he hears a girl giggling. Sam’s relief turns to anger as he hears Dean shushing her. He sits and waits for her to leave so he can confront Dean about making him worry like that, but it doesn’t happen. Sam lays back down and stares up at the ceiling as the loud whining moans the girl makes and the dull thud of the couch bumping against the wall as Dean fucks her, keeps him awake.

****

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* * *

****

****  


Dean wakes up on the living room floor feeling like shit. He groans as he sits up, the girl is gone. He looks around the room lit by cool early morning light and sees Sam’s backpack sitting on the floor by the front door. Dean drops his head into his hands, sick with guilt he decides it’s better to not to be there when Sam wakes up. He couldn’t stand to see the disappointment on his face.

He gets in the shower and leaves just before seven.

****

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* * *

****

****  


A few nights later, they’re sitting on the couch together eating dinner. Sam sets his bowl down on the coffee table and turns to Dean.

“Do you still want me?” Sam asks quietly. Dean furrows his brow as he looks over to him.

“Why would you even ask me that?” You know you’ll always be my number one,” Dean says as he reaches over and cups Sam’s cheek.

“Yeah I know, but-” Sam trails off as Dean guides his face closer to his.

“Don’t you ever forget that,” he says, looking Sam in the eyes. He closes the gap and presses his lips to Sam’s, it feels like forever since Dean had even tried to touch him and he misses it so much. He gives in and closes his eyes as he kisses Dean back.


	8. March 12, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** for IV drug use, prostitution, penetrative sex with multiple partners, dub-con, and accidental arousal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**March 12, 1996**

* * *

  
Dean gets a call from Sean around two telling him to come over. His stomach drops as he hangs up the phone, something feels wrong but he can’t say no.

When he gets to Sean’s, he’s let in by a man he’s never seen before and there is another stranger man sitting on the couch next to Sean. Dean nods at them and stands by the door waiting for his instructions.

“Take your clothes off, Dean,” Sean says with a smile.

Dean looks from Sean to the man on the couch to the man standing next to him by the door, then back to Sean. Sean nods at him and Dean strips out of his clothes and cups himself, trying to shield something from the hungry gazes of the strange men. He feels uneasy and he wants to run.

“Go on and show them how pretty you are,” Sean says and Dean drops his hands to his sides. “You ever seen a prettier cock before?” Sean asks as the men take him in with smiles on their faces, the one on the couch turns to Sean and leans in, Dean can’t hear what he says to him, but Sean tells Dean to turn around and bend over, so he does. After the men get their fill, Sean stands and motions for Dean to follow him to the usual bedroom and Dean sits on the bed, ready for Sean to give him his fix, so he can pass out and it will all be over quickly. 

But Sean hands him the tub of Vaseline from the bedside table instead.

“Go ahead and get yourself ready,” he says then turns to leave.

“Wait,” Dean stops him, “what’s going on?”

“You’ll get your stuff after, I want you conscious for this,” Sean say as he reaches out to stroke Dean’s cheek.

“What is _‘this’_?” Dean asks as he looks up at Sean, turning the Vaseline tub over in his hands.

“Me and my two friends out there are going to take turns with you,” Sean says with a smile. Dean starts to protest but Sean shushes him, “you’ll get $300 if you’re a good boy for us.” Sean pats him on the shoulder then leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. Dean wishes he didn’t need that money so badly, but who ever gets what they wish for anyway. He lays back on the bed and opens the tub, he gathers some on his fingers and spreads his legs wide. He fingers himself open the best he can then gets on his knees and rests his head against the pillow as he waits. His body trembling with nerves as he fights back the nausea.

He hears the door open as Sean leads the men inside. Dean thinks about what Sean said, about being good for them, but what if he can’t take it and breaks down. What if he doesn’t get anything for this. Dean closes his eyes and tries to steady his breathing, then reaches behind himself with both hands and spreads himself open for them. He hears one of them mutter something, then then all too familiar sounds of belts being unbuckled and zippers being lowered. He doesn’t know which of the two men is first, but one of them is sliding their thumb into him, rubbing his slick rim. The touch is gentle and slow and in a fucked up way, it relaxes Dean a little.

Dean feels every slow inch as the man eases into him. He drops his hands back to his sides as the man slides back and sets up a rhythm. Dean tries hard to forget he’s being fucked by a stranger for money, he tries not to be sick. He breathes through his nose as he tries to relax, then the man hits just right and pushes a moan out of him. For a second, Dean is horrified at himself, then it happens again. He can feel himself getting hard and it makes him want to throw up. As the man starts fucking him faster, Dean bites onto the pillow to keep himself quiet.

He’s never felt more disgusted with himself. The man pushes into him and holds tight as he comes, filling him in waves. Dean opens his mouth with a gasp, he tries to steady his breathing as the man pulls out of him. Before he has a chance to think, the next man is sliding into him. He can feel the first man’s come sliding down his skin as the second one fucks it out of him. His body pulses out a bead of precome onto the sheets and he wants to die, he wants them to kill him right here because some sick, fucked up part of his body likes this. 

The man picks up his pace and Dean feels the pressure low in his gut building. He’s whimpering into the pillow with every thrust, tears streaming down his cheeks as he tries to fight it. He holds on as long as he can but then he tips over the edge and spills onto the sheets. His body goes lax under the man and he feels hazy and far away as he is filled again. He feels like he’s dreaming as Sean takes his turn. He’s all but out of it by the time Sean pulls out of him, then Sean is sinking a needle into his vein.

“Here,” Sean says as he throws the money onto the bed next to Dean, “the extra hundred is for blowing your load,” he walks to the door and stops, “you sure did me proud, boy.”

Dean drinks himself stupid in the dark driveway of their house. He feels filthy, like maybe he’ll never feel clean again. But at least he’ll be able to pay some past due bills. As he sits alone in the car, some dark corner of his fucked up brain decides the only thing that can help him is the one pure and good thing in his life. He needs Sam.

****

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* * *

****

****  


The sound of the front door shutting doesn’t wake Sam up this time, he is sound asleep as Dean stumbles into their room. Dean scratches at the fresh mark on his arm as he finishes the last of the bottle in his hand. He kicks off his boots then strips out of the rest of his clothes. Sam wakes to Dean crawling on top of him. He pulls the blanket down and kisses Sam’s neck as he slides his hand into Sam’s pajamas and rubs against him.

“Dean, quit,” Sam says as he moves his head away, trying to find Dean’s eyes. Weeks ago, Sam would have welcomed Dean eagerly.

“C’mon, baby,” Dean moans as he rolls his hips down, rubbing his hard dick against Sam. Sam closes his eyes, about to give in, but something isn’t right. Dean feels different and the anger that’s been building inside Sam bubble backs up.

“Get off me,” Sam groans as he tries to push Dean onto his side of the bed, “I don’t want to.”

“Sure,” Dean says as he moves down Sam’s body. He pulls Sam’s pajama pants down and wraps his mouth around Sam’s dick.

“Stop it!” Sam yells as he kicks at Dean.

“Fuck you, Sam!” Dean growls as he collapses onto his side of the bed, “if you don’t want it, I’ll just get it somewhere else.” 

_That’s the problem_ , Sam thinks as he pulls his pajama pants back up and rolls over away from Dean.

Sam wakes up an hour later, Dean is lying next to him, naked and shivering. Sam gets up and grabs a spare blanket, he covers Dean and tucks the blanket under him, then climbs back into their bed and falls back asleep.

Dean is gone when he wakes up the next morning.


	9. March 20, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** mentions of IV drug use, prostitution, and abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**March 20, 1996**

* * *

  
After the last time, something inside Dean snapped.

Sean won’t shoot him up until after anymore if at all, says he like it better that way. In the moment, Dean’s mind is gone, shut off front reality in a protective space of nothingness until it’s over. He doesn’t bother closing his eyes anymore, he stares at the wall or water stained ceiling as he lays there, quiet and unmoving, taking whatever or whoever Sean subjects him to. 

Some sessions are worse than others. On those days, hot tears stream down his cheeks as his body reacts autonomously to the pain, or more rarely, pleasure. Both twist into the same sick physical sensation but his mind feels nothing, he’s dead inside. Afterward he buries it deep down as he cleans himself, going through the motions robotically until he can lose himself again in a bottle or willing body and forget everything.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Dean’s abused body aches as he silently scrubs the remaining lube mixed with come and shit off his skin with a damp washcloth in the dark bathroom of Sean’s house. When he’s finished he drops it into the sink and gathers up his things from the bed. He walks passed the people in the living room without saying a word and out the front door. As he makes his way down the walkway toward his car, he hears the front door open and close again. He doesn’t stop walking.

“Hey,” he hears a voice come from behind him. He stops for a moment before turning around, the tall man who is always around is walking toward him. Dean stares at the ground as the man steps into his space, he reaches up and brushes the pad of his thumb gently against Dean’s split bottom lip. Dean keeps his eyes on the ground as the man leans in and presses his lips to Dean’s. Without a thought, Dean automatically opens up and kisses him back. He lifts his arms and cups the man’s face as he pulls him in, moving with him as the man licks into his mouth. Going through the motions, doing what he thinks the man wants. Satisfied with Dean’s reaction, the man pulls back, licks his lips then wipes his mouth on the back of his hand with a grin. 

“Call me sometime,” the man says as he slips a piece of paper into Dean’s hand, his fingers lingering on Dean’s for a moment. Dean turns the paper over in his hand as the man heads back toward the house.

“What’s your name?” Dean asks as he looks up and the man stops.

“Neil,” he says with a smile then disappears into the house.

****

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* * *

****

****  


Sam sits up late into the night waiting on edge for Dean to walk through the door. He’s reached his breaking point and he needs to get his feelings out before he bursts. Hours pass and he starts to drift to sleep as he waits, but just as he’s about to give up he hears a key in the lock.

He watches from where he’s curled up on the couch as Dean opens the door and steps into the house. Sam feels a small wave of relief as he sees Dean is alone. He looks rough, his nose is red and his eyes are dark, his hair is stuck in messy spikes in places and his skin is shining with sweat. 

“What are you doing up?” He asks in a gravelly voice, his back turned to Sam as he locks the door behind him.

“I need to talk to you,” Sam says as he watches Dean carefully.

“Can it wait? I have some stuff I need to do,” Dean asks as he heads for the hallway with his head down, not waiting for an answer.

“No, Dean,” Sam says as he stands, “it can’t.” Dean stops and turns around. Sam can see how dead Dean’s eyes look in the light of the lamp between them and it turns his stomach.

“Fine, what?” Dean asks, looking defeated.

“You aren’t you anymore, what’s going on?” Sam asks. His voice shakes, throat tightening as tears threaten to break the surface.

“Sam, you wouldn’t understand even if I wanted to tell you,” Dean says, unable to look at Sam, “I’m fine, Sammy, just don’t worry about it, okay?”

“No it’s not okay!” Sam yells, unable to keep it in anymore, “you’re not fine, Dean! And fuck you for saying that.” He wipes the tears forming in his eyes. Dean huffs out a laugh as he looks at the floor and Sam snaps. “I hate you!” He screams. 

The back of Dean’s hand connects with Sam’s face before Sam sees it coming. 

“You hate me?” Dean yells back, stepping into Sam’s space. Sam stares at him, frozen with shock as he presses his hand to the burning spot on his cheek. “I am killing myself trying to support you, trying to work and keep this house, trying to keep you alive!” Uncontrollable tears start to stream down Sam’s cheeks.

“Hey,” Dean says, his voice suddenly soft, “hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, sweetheart.” He reaches up to brush Sam’s bangs from his eyes and Sam flinches at the touch. He smacks Dean’s hand away from him then pushes past him as he runs for the bathroom.

“C’mon, Sam, don’t be like that,” Dean pleads as he reaches out to grab Sam’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.” Sam slams the bathroom door in Dean’s face and locks it behind him. Dean is quiet for a moment as he rests his head against the door and closes his eyes. “I’m messed up, Sam. You know I would never hit you,” he says quietly, “please come out.”


	10. April 8. 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** IV drug use, trading sex for drugs, mentions of heroin detox, minor physical violence against a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**April 8, 1996**

* * *

  
Dean knocks on the front door of Sean’s house earlier than usual, there isn’t an answer. He closes his eyes in frustration, he ran out last night and now he’s pissed he didn’t come by right then. As he waits, he pulls his hood back and shakes the raindrops from his coat, then knocks again, hoping someone inside just didn’t hear him.

“Who is it?” A voice asks from the other side of the door after a few minutes, Dean answers. He sniffs back his running nose and waits as they unlock the door and open it for him. He pushes into the dim room and looks around for Sean.

“He’s not here,” Neil says as he shuts the door behind him. 

“Fuck,” Dean says under his breath as he slides his hand down his face, “I’m empty.” 

“I can help you out,” Neil says as he looks him over, “but not here.”

“I can’t pay you,” Dean groans, “that’s why Sean-” he trails off, gesturing to the bedroom door as he drops onto the couch.

“Yeah, I know,” Neil says as he grabs his coat off the hook by the door, “I can help you out, just not here,” he repeats as he opens the door again.

Dean looks at him for a moment, standing in the open doorway as he waits, then stands. He leads Neil out to the car and drives back home. He parks in the driveway and kills the engine. Rain pounds against the metal and glass around them as Neil pulls a kit out of his pocket. He hands Dean a tie as he readies a needle. Dean pulls off his wet coat half off, exposing one arm, and rolls his sleeve up, then ties off and waits.

Neil slides the needle into his vein and Dean closes his eyes, melting into the warm calm that washes through him immediately. Neil unties him and Dean lays his head back against the headrest as Neil ties himself off. He doesn’t know how long he was out for, but it feels like days when he comes to. 

He turns his head toward Neil, “what do you want for it?” he asks without opening his eyes. He already knows the answer.

****

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* * *

****

****  


They make it through the front door of the house before Neil is on him. He pushes Dean up against the closed door as he presses himself against him, kissing him hungrily. Without a thought Dean cups his face, pulling him in, breathing hard through his nose as he kisses him back. He shuts down, his mind empty and body running on autopilot as Neil breaks their kiss and drops to his knees in front of him. 

Dean stares at a crack in the plaster on the far wall of the living room as Neil pops the buttons of his fly open and pulls his soft dick out. Without hesitation, he wraps his lips around him and sucks him down. Dean closes his eyes as he drops his head back against the door, letting out shaky breaths as his body begins to react to the stimulation. He loses track of time, before he knows it Neil is kissing him again.

“Fuck me,” Neil sighs against his lips as he strokes his fingertips along Dean’s hard cock gently.

Dean grabs a hold of Neil’s hand and leads him down to the end of the hallway, to the bedroom he shares with Sam. Once inside, Neil is on him again and Dean kisses him back, preforming automatically as they strip out of their wet clothes. Neil steps back from him with a grin as he looks Dean up and down.

“God damn,” Neil breathes out as he takes Dean’s naked body in, eyes lingering on his flushed cock. “Ain’t you just the prettiest thing.” 

Dean swallows hard as he looks at the stain on the carpet under Neil’s feet, the one from the grape juice Sam spilled there months ago. “You want it or not?” Dean growls, grabbing a hold of his cock, shaking it in his hand as he looks up at Neil, unwilling to let his thoughts drift to Sam, knowing full well he’ll break down. “Or are you just going to look all day.” 

Neil licks his lips as he nods, Dean watches as he climbs onto the bed and drops down to all fours in front of him. He walks to the dresser and digs through the top drawer until he finds the lube and condoms he keeps there. He tosses them onto the bed next to Neil and climbs onto the bed behind him. He closes himself off to the reality of the situation as he robotically goes through the motions of lubing up and prepping Neil. When he’s finished he reaches for the condom and Neil stops him with a hand on his. “No condom,” he insists and Dean nods without a second thought.

****

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* * *

****

****  


Sam sees the car parked in the driveway as he turns the corner to their street. Sam’s heart flutters with a tiny twinge of hopeful excitement as he walks toward the house. As bad as things have become, as hurtful as Dean has been, he can’t help but want things to work out. He needs his happy ending and he needs it with Dean.

Sam unlocks the front door and as he opens it he hears the unmistakable sound of Dean fucking someone coming from their bedroom. He sees red as he slams the door behind him and throws his backpack onto the floor next to him. He storms through the living room to the hallway, leaving wet footprints behind him. The sounds get louder as he closes the distance to their bedroom door, the low grunts and rhythmic sound of skin slapping against skin twist his stomach into sick knots as he turns the doorknob. 

He stops cold when he sees Dean on his knees, pounding into a man in front of him. Without a second thought he grabs the lamp on the dresser next to him and pulls the cord from the wall. He throws it at them as hard as he can, it flies past Dean’s face and lands on the floor with a loud crash. The man on the bed lets out a pained noise as Dean jumps back and loses his balance. He hits the floor at the foot of the bed hard as the man gets up on his knees and looks around confused until his eyes land on Sam, red faced and standing in the doorway.

“What the fuck, kid? Get out of here!” The man yells as he steps off the bed and moves to push Sam out of the room. Sam punches him in the balls, knocking the wind out of him as he doubles over. The man straightens as Sam looks over to Dean, and before he can move, the man punches him in the jaw, sending him to the floor. Dean jumps up and tackles Neil, he straddles his chest and he feels cartilage crack under his knuckles as he connects his fist to his face again and again. As Neil struggles under him, he wraps his hands around his neck and squeezes. 

“Dean!” Sam’s voice rings through the emptiness, bringing him back to reality, “Dean, stop!” Dean blinks his eyes as he looks down at his hands around Neil’s neck, watching him struggle for breath beneath him then suddenly lets go, his body shaking with adrenaline. Neil pushes him off onto the floor next to him, coughing and gasping for air as he stands. “Fuck you, man,” Neil chokes out as he spits blood onto the floor next to Dean, “you owe me.” 

Dean is panting on the floor next to the bed and Sam can see the panicked look in Dean’s eyes as Neil gathers up his things and leaves. Sam kneels down next to Dean and lays his hand on Dean’s heaving chest, trying to calm him. Dean is shaking under his touch as he looks down at Sam’s hand and then up to Sam, meeting his eyes. The way he looks at him breaks Sam’s heart and all Sam wants to do is to make it right.

“You can do it to me instead,” he offers quietly, just above a whisper, “I want it, Dean.”

“Sam,” Dean groans, closing his eyes as he lays back against the carpet. 

“Please?” Sam says as he lays his head on Dean’s chest, feeling Dean’s racing heartbeat under him. “You don’t need anyone else,” he pleads, “you have me.” 

“No, Sam,” Dean says as he covers his eyes with his arm, “I won’t do that.”

“Why?” Sam asks, “you do it with everyone else,” his voice breaks as tears form in his eyes, “am I not good enough?”

“God, Sam,” Dean groans as he lifts his arm and looks up at him, “of course you’re good enough.” He reaches out and cups Sam’s face, carefully tracing over the red mark on his jaw where Neil hit him. 

“Why then?” Sam asks, a tear rolling down his cheek as he leans into the touch. 

“You’re just a kid, Sam, I won’t take that from you.” Dean says as he wipes the tear away with his thumb, “I can’t.”

“I’m almost as old as you were when you did it with Cheryl, remember?” Sam asks, he remembers that night perfectly. Dean got up from bed to go to the bathroom and was gone longer than usual. When he climbed back in with him something about him seemed off. Sam asked what was wrong and Dean told him he had sex with dad’s girlfriend at the time, Cheryl, on the couch while dad slept, passed out drunk in bed. He told him he could never say anything to anyone about it, ever.

“That’s the problem,” Dean says quietly as he closes his eyes again.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


The cops show up at the house about an hour later. Sam hides, crying quietly as he watches them handcuff Dean from the closet. Dean is booked on aggravated assault and locked up in the city jail awaiting sentencing. The withdrawals start to get bad the next day. It becomes so unbearable that on the third day he is taken to Lawrence Memorial and handcuffed to a bed to be monitored through it. 

He feels like he’s dying.

As the days pass the physical effects slowly become more bearable as the detox takes it’s course, on the sixth day he is cleared for release back to the jail. He spends almost two weeks locked up all together before Neil drops the charges and he is released. 

He’s back at Sean’s that night.


	11. May 18, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Underage drinking, self medicating with alcohol, mentions of depression and self harm using alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**May 18, 1996**

* * *

  
Sam is sinking further into depression, he feels like he’s drowning in it. Never has he felt so alone in his life. It hurts, actual physical pain when he sees Dean, like his chest is collapsing under his skin. But when Dean is gone it’s so much worse, an all consuming deep dark emptiness that Sam feels is going to swallow him whole. He goes through the motions of everyday life. Get up, go to school, come home, make dinner, do homework, go to sleep, repeat, repeat, repeat.

The house was empty when he came home from school today. He watched TV until his stomach started to growl, then got up to make himself something to eat. In the kitchen, he reaches into one of the cupboards for a bowl and finds a half empty bottle instead. He turns the bottle over in his hands as he remembers dad drinking every night when he was younger, Dean told him it was because he missed mom. He thinks maybe this is what he needs to feel better, numb to his thoughts and feelings.

The first swallow burns like crazy going down, he coughs and his stomach feels like it’s on fire. He brings the bottle to his lips again and swallows as much as he can at once, he gags and it makes him feel sick. He brings the bottle with him to their bedroom and sits on the bed. He takes another drink as he looks at Dean’s pillow laying next to his and his heart sinks. He sets the bottle on the bedside table and reaches over, grabbing Dean’s pillow and bringing it to his lap. His chest aches as he wraps his arms around it and breathes the smell of Dean in.

He lays down, holding Dean’s pillow as everything floods to the surface and he breaks down. Tears flood down his cheeks as he tells himself he’ll never be enough, that he was so stupid for believing they would be together forever. He sits up as his tears turn to anger, he wants to hurt himself, he wants to hurt Dean. Maybe then Dean would care. He picks up the bottle and starts to drink again.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Dean opens the door to the house late that night and steps inside. The TV is on but Sam is nowhere to be seen. He calls out Sam’s name and waits for an answer that doesn’t come. He heads for the bedroom to see if Sam is asleep but stops as he passes the bathroom door. Sam crying on the bathroom floor in the dark, lying in a puddle of puke. He rushes in and drops to his knees on the tile floor, pulling Sam into his lap.

“Hey,” he says, brushing the wet hair out of Sam’s face, “hey, you’re okay, baby. You’re okay.”

Sam’s body convulses as the vomit comes up again, his cheeks puff out as he pukes down Dean’s leg. Panic starts to set in as he holds Sam’s shaking body close, his heart races as he looks around the room. He sees the bottle next to the toilet and closes his eyes as he takes in a deep breath and sighs. 

“Let’s get you in the shower, sweetheart,” he says as he sits Sam up against the counter. He stands and turns the knobs as the shower sputters to life. The water warms as kneels next to Sam and strips off his puke stained shirt. He lifts Sam’s limp body, supporting his weight on his shoulder as he pulls his piss soaked pants and underwear down and off his legs. Dean stips out of his own clothes then picks Sam up as he all but carries him into the shower.

Guilt turns his stomach into knots as he holds Sam’s body under the running water, supporting his weight in his arms as he assures Sam he’s okay. Sam whimpers pitifully as Dean washes him up as quick as he can. Dean shuts off the water and wraps Sam in a couple towels, then carries him into their bedroom and lays him carefully on the bed. He dresses himself and Sam in clean clothes then leaves to get Sam some food and water.

When he comes back to the room, Sam is passed out face down on the bed. He sets the glass and sandwich on the nightstand and shuts off the light. He climbs into their bed and pulls Sam close, holding Sam until he’s sure he’s going to be okay, then lets himself drift to sleep.


	12. July 4, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Semi graphic underage penetrative sex (Sam is 13), underage drinking, and implied drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**July 4, 1996**

* * *

  
A few more weeks pass and Sam feels like he’s drowning again. Loneliness and desperation for Dean’s attention leads Sam straight to another one of Dean’s bottles of cheap whiskey. After the last time, he told himself he would never drink again, he never felt so sick in his life, but he doesn’t care anymore. He takes a few swigs and it burns just as bad as the first time.

He just wants Dean to care.

As he drinks, he tells himself if Dean would just give him a chance he could show him he doesn’t need those other people, that he can be enough for him. If Dean would just give him what he wants, then maybe Dean wouldn’t have to leave anymore.

He can’t live like this anymore.

Sam sets the bottle on the nightstand next to their bed and strips out of his clothes then climbs onto the bed and lays on his back, facing the doorway. He touches himself lazily, drifting in and out of sleep as he waits.

The sound of the front door opening wakes him up.

Dean stumbles into the dark house just before dusk. He drops his keys on the floor and pulls his jacket off. He makes his way to the kitchen and searches the cupboards for the bottle he left there, but doesn’t find anything. He slams the cupboard door shut and walks down the hallway toward their room then stops as he sees Sam laying on the bed with his knees spread wide. His face is flushed from the whiskey as he looks up at Dean through half open eyes.

Dean wipes his running nose on his sleeve as he watches Sam’s hands slide down between his legs. He steps forward into the dimly lit room and pulls his shirt off then drops it onto the floor next to him. Sam’s heart feels like it’s going to jump straight out of his ribcage as he watches Dean unbutton his jeans. He climbs onto the bed and hovers above Sam, even through the haze of alcohol, Sam can see something is off in Dean’s eyes, but he wants Dean so bad it doesn’t matter anymore.

He leans up and catches Dean’s mouth with his. Dean kisses him back rough and hungry and Sam tries his best to keep up. Dean rolls his hips, rubbing his dick down against Sam’s as he kisses him, making Sam moan into his mouth. Sam feels like his head is spinning, he’s dizzy and his body feels heavy. He tries to catch his breath as Dean moves down his jaw to his neck, sucking on the sensitive skin there, making him shiver.

“Please,” Sam pants, but Dean doesn’t stop, he just keeps rubbing against him. Dean bites the skin along Sam’s jaw then catches his mouth again. “Fuck me, Dean,” Sam moans as he pulls away from Dean’s lips. Part of Dean knows he should walk away, just tell Sam _no_ like he’s done so many times before. But he’s fucked up, high and eight shots deep into a buzz, and the heat of Sam’s body against his is a welcome distraction. He’s weak and he knows it.

He groans as he sits up, Sam watches him as he climbs off the bed and walks to the dresser, he searches through the top drawer until he finds the lube his keeps there. Sam’s heart races as Dean climbs back onto the bed, his body trembling with excitement as Dean pours the clear liquid onto his fingers. Dean flips Sam over onto his stomach with his clean hand and Sam lays there, face pressed against the mattress as he waits.

Sam feels Dean slip a finger into him and he lets out a sigh of relief. He can’t help but smile lazily as Dean works him open. When Sam is slick and ready, Dean smears the rest on his dick and lines up. Sam swallows hard as he convinces himself this is real, then he gasps, his fists clench the blanket as Dean nudges into him. He pants, trying to catch his breath as Dean slides further in, stretching him wide. It hurts, he feels too full and he’s on the verge of tears but the part of him that wants this so badly won't let him stop it.

Sam whimpers with each thrust, face twisted into a pained expression as Dean sets up a rhythm, fucking into him slow. He doesn’t know he passed out until he wakes up cold on top of their bed. His head is spinning and he feels sick. He looks over to Dean laying next to him on his stomach, still naked, with his head facing away from him. Sam sits up and it feels so much worse, he can feel his stomach coming up so he runs to the bathroom as fast as he can. He throws up into the toilet and stumbles back into the bedroom. He grabs the spare blanket and throws it over Dean then curls up against Dean’s side.

The next morning Sam wakes up alone in bed, naked and sore, with a horrible headache and the blanket tucked around him. He rolls over onto his back and rubs his forehead. His memory of last night is hazy, he only remembers it in pieces, kissing Dean, Dean pushing into him, then nothing.

He was supposed to feel better. Having sex with Dean was supposed to make everything better. It was supposed to make Dean want to stay with him, but here his is, alone again. He feels used and worse than ever.


	13. August 15, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Graphic rape, violence, one homophobic slur, blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**August 15, 1996**

* * *

  
It’s early evening by the time Dean pulls into their driveway. There was a call in for the mid shift at the factory and his boss asked if he could work a double so he took it, grateful for the extra money. He sits in the silent car for a moment, listening to the engine pop as it cools as he thinks, then grabs his kit from the glove compartment and goes through the motions.

The night air is warm and the sky is clear, he hums to himself as he walks down the sidewalk to the bar down the street. The bartender doesn’t even bother asking for his ID anymore, he just grabs a stool at the end of the bar and orders two doubles. He sits in a haze of smoke, lost in thought as he works on his drinks. 

Two more drinks later, the bar is quieting down as people begin to shuffle out for the night. He’s staring down at the half melted ice floating in his glass when he feels a hand slide across his back as a man steps him next to him.

“You workin’?” The man asks, looking Dean over as he takes a sip off his beer. He sets it down on the bar as he waits for his answer.

“Fuck off,” Dean says without looking up.

“Oh, come on,” the man laughs as he steps closer, pressing into Dean’s space. The man leans in close and lowers his voice, “I know you’re a junkie whore.” The man reaches out and takes hold of Dean’s jaw, “so how much does it cost?” He asks, turning Dean’s face toward him. 

“I said, fuck off,” Dean says as he jerks his head away from the man’s hand. He looks straight ahead as he takes another drink and chews on his ices as he waits for the man to take the hint and leave.

“From what I hear,” the man says as he reaches out towards Dean’s face again, “you give it away to anyone who wants it.” Dean’s fist connects with the man’s face with a crack and he stumbles back. He squares up, ready for a fight, but the man just stares at him. The look on his face makes Dean uneasy but he doesn’t back down. He waits for the man to make a move, but he just spits blood onto the floor and laughs. The man downs the rest of his beer without another word and heads for the door.

Dean flexes his hand as he takes his seat again and turns back to his drink.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


He pushes his empty glass away from him as he stands. His head spins as he stumbles to the bathroom at the back of the room. The fluorescent lights flicker to life as he flips the grimey switch on the wall. He steps up to the urinal at the far side of the room, trying to keep his balance as he unbuttons his jeans. As he relieves himself, he hears the door open and close behind him but he doesn’t give it a second thought. He buttons himself back up and turns around, the man from earlier is standing there with three other men, one of them locks the door.

Two of the men rush forward, Dean tries to fight them off but his movements are heavy and uncoordinated. A fist connects with his face and everything goes white, all he can hear is a high pitched ringing. Another hits him in the stomach, knocking the air out him, he doubles over but the men holding onto him haul him back up to standing. His head snaps back as he’s hit in the face again. He spits blood out onto the floor and coughs as he tries to get air.

Next thing he knows, they’re dragging him over to the sink, they press his face down against the cold counter top. He struggles as they hold his arms behind his back but they just hold him down harder.

“Get the fuck off me!” He yells as he twists himself, trying to get loose. One of the men covers his mouth and he tries to bite down but he can’t get a grip. 

“What do you say we teach this faggot a lesson,” the man from earlier says from behind him. One of them steps up behind him and yank his jeans down to his ankles. Dean yells against the man’s hand and trashes with all his might as he panics, but the two men holding him just hold him down harder and he’s running out of what little energy he had left. 

The man from earlier goes to the corner of the bathroom and grabs the dirty mop leaning against the wall. Dean’s heart is racing, he struggles for breath as he hyperventilates against the hand covering his mouth. The man steps up behind him and Dean tries to kick back at him but the man dodges his efforts. Dean closes his eyes tight, struggling to breath as he becomes light headed. Sharp, sudden pain shoots through him as the man shoves the handle into him. He tries to fight them off but every movement makes the pain worse. The man rams it into him again and again, uncontrollable tears stream down his cheeks as he screams into the hand over his mouth.

He feels like he’s on the verge of passing out when the man finally pulls it out of him and throws it down on the tile floor with a dull sound that echos through the room. Dean cries, his body shaking uncontrollably as he hears a zipper unzipping behind him. He hears the man spit then he’s screaming into the hand over his mouth as the man forces his way into him. His skin tears as the man pounds into him and his body goes into shock, his muscles go limp under the weight of the men on him. 

One after another, each of the men take their turn. When the last one pulls out, the men holding him down let go and he collapses into the puddle of his blood on the filthy tile floor. One of the men spits on him as then leave him in a broken and bloody heap. Dean braces himself on the counter as he struggles to stand with the last of his strength. He slips on the blood and falls back to the floor and everything goes black. 

He wakes up in a hospital bed almost a week later, sick and numb.


	14. September, 1996 (NEW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** mentions of hospitalization, mention of needle (tattoo machine), mentions of drug addiction, and recreational drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**September, 1996**

* * *

  
He was unconscious through most of his detox this time, he missed the worst of it. Due to the nature of his injuries, they kept him under suicide watch for another week after that. The doctor told him he was lucky they were able to stop the internal bleeding on time, Dean doesn’t think _lucky_ is the word he would use.

In the nights after the attack, he woke up screaming from nightmares, covered in sweat and shaking. His heart racing, unable to catch his breath until he realized where he is, and that he was safe. Unconsciousness offered him no relief. 

He lost his job while he was in the hospital. He didn’t find out until he showed up to ask for his schedule. His boss told him since this wasn’t the first time he missed his shifts for more than a week without any notice, that he was going to have to let him go. He said he looked passed it the first time because he likes Dean, and knew his father, but this time he had to take a stand. 

Dean sits in his car in the factory parking lot, hands gripping onto the steering wheel and eyes straight ahead for almost an hour. Thinking about how truly fucked they are because of him, because of what he’s done. He breaks down as the reality of everything that has happened hits him all at once. The flood of emotion comes without warning and hits him hard, it’s all consuming anger and pain that’s been building for months without release. 

He slams his fist into the steering wheel again and again until his knuckles are cracked and bleeding as uncontrollable tears stream down his cheeks. He falls back, dropping his head against the seat and covers his eyes with his arm, shaking as he tries to steady his breathing. He needs a distraction, he needs to feel something, anything else.

He pulls himself together as best as he can and turns the key in the ignition. At the tattoo shop he asks the man behind the counter for the old school rattlesnake on the flash wall. The man leads him to a chair and Dean waits as he readies his equipment. 

“Why the rattlesnake?” The man asks as he pulls his gloves on. 

“I like the way it looks,” Dean says without hesitation. It’s deeper than that though, he likes the symbolism of them, how they’re deadly and don’t hesitate to strike when threatened. A message he wants to make very clear to anyone who sees him. 

He’s never going to let anyone take what they want from him again.

He closes his eyes and lays back against the chair, focusing on the scratching sensation of the needle piercing his skin rapidly as the man gets to work on his forearm. The pain of it, and the relaxed arousal it triggers, eases his mind into a comfortable numbness. When it’s over the man wipes it down and Dean looks at it for the first time. The dark black ink stands out in stark contrast against his skin, he touches the irritated skin gently, tracing the lines with his fingertips.

This is the first step in his recovery.

He sits in the parking lot behind the tattoo shop and reaches over to the glove compartment to grab a joint and his lighter. He opens it up and sees his kit sitting on top of some papers, his stomach twists into sick knots as his addiction rears it’s ugly head. It takes everything for him to push it aside. His hands shake as he brings the joint to his lips and lights it up, he tosses the lighter back into the glove compartment and shuts it. 

He lays his head back against the seat as he relaxes into the calming high that washes over him as he smokes. Even after everything, his mind feels at ease for the first time in a very long time. He makes it home before Sam gets out of school, it took him until today to work up the courage to go home. Since he was released from the hospital, he’s been in a very dark place, he couldn’t stand to see the way Sam would look at him when he finally showed up, but he owes Sam everything, and it’s time to be the brother he deserves. 

They’ll make it through this together, he can always get another job, without his habit they’ll have a little extra money. He just hopes it’s not too late, that Sam can forgive him. He walks into their quiet house and heads to the bathroom to dig the clippers out from under the counter. He plugs them in and stares into the mirror as he brings them to his head. Clumps of hair fall onto the counter as he shaves the sides and back of his head, keeping the top longer. When he’s finished, he rubs his hands against the freshly shaved areas as he checks for spots he missed. He runs his hand under the tap and pushes the long hair back out of his face. 

He hears the front door close through the bathroom door. Nerves hit him and he feels his stomach in his throat as he works up to turning the knob and facing Sam for the first time since he disappeared after the attack. 

“Dean?” Sam’s voice, comes quietly from the living room. Dean closes his eyes and swallows hard, then turns the knob. He opens the door and sees Sam standing by the front door and his eyes start to well up before he can control it.

“Hey, Sammy.” His voice breaks around the lump in his throat as Sam stares at him without moving. Last time he talked to Sam he was still in the hospital, they let him use the phone to let Sam know he wasn’t dead. The conversation was short, he could hear Sam’s broken heart in his voice and he couldn’t take it. 

“Are you-” Sam stops as he pulls his eyebrows together, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Dean says with half smile, “are you?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“No,” Sam’s voice cracks around the word, Dean’s heart breaks as Sam fights back tears. All he wants to do is run to him and scoop him up into his arms, to hold him close until he’s happy again. But he lost that right, and it’s going to take time for him to earn it back. 

“I’m sorry,” Dean says, “Sam, I’m so sorry.” Sam looks around the room, anywhere but at Dean. “I was messed up, but I’m better now. I’m never going to hurt you like that again, I promise.”

“You promised before,” Sam says quietly, “you promised before and you lied.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Dean all but pleads for Sam to understand, “please give me chance to prove it to you.”

“Do you really mean it?” Sam asks as he finally meets Dean’s eyes. The hopeful look on Sam’s face crushes him, he put him through so much.

“I really mean it,” Dean insists. Sam hesitates for a moment, then takes a step forward.

“You shaved your hair,” Sam says after a moment as he looks down the hall at Dean.

“Do you like it?” Dean asks as he rubs his hand against the shaved side of his head.

“Yeah,” Sam says, Dean sees the barest hint of a smile on Sam’s lips and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his own face.

“You wanna feel it?” He asks and Sam nods his head as he walks forward, meeting Dean near the bathroom door. He reaches up and Dean dips his head down as Sam brushes his fingers against his freshly shaved hair.

“It feels nice,” Sam says with a smile. He looks up at Dean for a moment then wraps his arms around his waist and rests his face against Dean’s chest. “I missed you.” Dean hears Sam say as he hugs him back. 

Later that night as they get ready for bed, Dean pulls one of the extra blankets out of the closet and carries it out to the couch. He readies himself a bed there and waits for Sam to finish up in the bathroom to tell him good night.

“You’re going to sleep on the couch?” Sam’s voice comes from behind him and Dean turns.

“I just thought that, I don’t know, that you would want some time, I guess,” Dean says, looking up at Sam from where he sits.

“I want to sleep with you,” Sam says quietly as he fusses with the hem on his his t-shirt. 

“Okay, yeah,” Dean nods, “sure, Sam.” He takes Sam’s hand in his and squeezes it gently, “c’mon.” He stands and leads Sam to their bedroom. They climb into bed together and Sam curls up against Dean’s side as Dean holds him close.

Dean sleeps better than he has in months.


	15. November 17, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Drug overdose, mentions of prostitution, mentions of IV drugs, and needle mention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**November 17, 1996**

* * *

  
Finding new work hasn’t been as easy as Dean thought it would be, as the bills pile up he finds himself becoming more and more desperate. At the end of his rope, he finds himself back in front of Sean’s house. He asks Sean if he has any work for him, anyone who would be willing to pay for him. Sean tells him he’ll see what he can do. At least he knows selling himself is something he’s good at.

Sean calls him every few days with men he’s lined up for him. His first time after the attack was hard for him, his anxiety beforehand sent him into the bathroom where he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet until there was nothing left. But afterward it got easier, with each new client he is able to move further and further away from that night and all the nights before it. Slowly gaining control over his own body again, fucking on his terms and no one else’s. He separates himself from the act as it happens, keeping a distance between his body and his mind, but it’s not like it was before. 

He does it for a few weeks, making enough money to make the house payment and keep him and Sam fed.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


“Hey,” Dean says, his voice just above a whisper as he brushes Sam’s hair out of his face gently, “Sammy.” 

Sam blinks his eyes open and smiles as he focuses on Dean in the soft morning light coming in from behind the blinds. “Hey,” he says as he yawns.

“I have to go to Sean’s house for a few hours, he’s got a job for me,” Dean says as he rests his head on his hand and looks over at Sam.

“Right now?” Sam asks as he sits up, “can’t you go later?” 

“I just have to take care of this real quick. It won't take long,” Dean says as he leans up and presses a kiss to Sam’s cheek, “I promise.”

“Okay,” Sam says as he rubs his eyes. 

“I’ll only be a few hours, if not I’ll call, okay?”

After a few hours and no call from Dean, Sam starts to panic. He pulls his coat on and heads out the house to walk down to Sean’s. Sam knocks on the door but no one answers, he feels nauseous with dread as he waits. After a few minutes, he tries the door handle and it clicks as it opens. He pushes the door open slowly and sticks his head inside. The living room is dark, the TV is on but the volume is so low he can’t hear it.

“Dean?” He calls out quietly as he steps into the room, there isn’t an answer. He walks across the living room and peers into the kitchen. He calls out Dean’s name again, louder this time, as he looks around. At the far end of the living room, he sees a doorway and walks over to it. He knocks on it gently and says Dean’s name. He waits a few seconds for an answer then pushes it open.

Sam’s stomach drops as he sees Dean lying naked, face down on a bare mattress. He’s covered in bruises, his skin is a sick shade of grayish purple and shining with sweat.

He’s not moving.

“Dean?” He says frantically as he rushes over to the side of the bed, he reaches out and shakes Dean’s shoulder, “oh God, Dean?” Dean’s skin is clammy and Sam moves his hand to brush Dean’s wet hair out of his face. There is a puddle of foamy puke next to Dean’s mouth, his lips are dark purple and his eyes are barely open, all Sam can see are bloodshot whites.

He touches Dean’s throat, checking for a pulse but he doesn’t feel anything. He starts to sob uncontrollably as he says Dean’s name over and over. Sam stands, looking around as he tries to find a phone. He rushes out of the room and frantically searches the house. He finds one on the kitchen wall and his fingers shake as he dials 9-1-1.

“Help me! Oh God, my brother’s dead!” He sobs into the receiver, “please!”

He stands by helpless as he watches the paramedics haul Dean’s unresponsive body away, unsure whether he will ever see him again. 

Sam can’t catch his breath.

“Son,” a police officer says as he grabs a hold of his shoulder, bringing Sam back to reality, “I need to take you to the station, there’s someone who needs to talk to you.”

At the station, he feels like he’s going to pass out as he stares blankly at the wall across from him.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Dean knocks on the door of Sean’s house and waits for a response. He can hear scrambling coming from inside and then the sound of locks clicking. The door opens slightly and a man Dean doesn’t recognize asks him who he is.

“Dean,” he says as the door closes again. After a couple seconds the door swings open and he steps inside. Neil is sitting on the couch next to two men he’s never seen before. He hasn’t spoken to Neil since their fight, but he sees him around the house every so often. “Is Sean here?” Dean asks as the man closes the door behind him.

“No,” Neil says as he stands, “he had to step out. Something I can help you with?” He asks.

“Uh,” Dean hesitates, “I was told to come by.” 

“Yeah,” Neil says as he huffs out a laugh, “about that.” 

Dean is out before he ever sees it coming. He comes to, beaten and bloody on the bed in time to feel the needle Neil slides into his vein. 

“Bye, Dean,” Neil says with a satisfied smile as one of the men hits him again, it knocks him out cold.


	16. December 3, 1996

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Implied overdose, mention of past sexual assault, mentions of hospitalization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**December 3, 1996**

* * *

  
Dean hears a voice, quiet and muffled, like it’s coming from behind a door. It’s speaking to him but he can’t make out what it’s saying. His eyelids are heavy when he tries to lift them, all he can make out is a blur of white and bright light. The voice is louder now as he feels a warm touch on his arm. He opens his eyes again, blinking as he tries to focus on anything.

“There he is,” the voice says clearly. He turns his head, looking up at the dark shape above him and blinks again, an unfamiliar woman comes into focus. He’s in a white room and he hurts, everywhere. It feels like every muscle in his body is struggling to hold together. He tries to speak but all he gets is a dry scratchy feeling in his throat, he coughs and it feels like his ribs are broken.

“Welcome back,” the woman says with a smile as she touches his forehead. He tries to lift his arm to wipe his eyes but the woman shushes him and tells him not to move. “Here, try to drink some water,” she says as she holds a straw up to his lips, he does as he’s told and sips. It soothes his throat as he swallows.

“Where-” is all he gets out before he coughs again.

“Where are you?” She asks, “you’re at Lawrence Memorial. You’ve been in an induced coma for two weeks, we almost lost you,” she continues.

“What?” Dean asks, confused as he tries to think back to what happened, but the last thing he can remember is going to Sean’s house. “Where’s my brother?” He croaks out as panic starts to rise in him.

“You’re lucky he called when he did, he saved your life,” she says, looking at the machine next to his bed.

“Where is he?” He asks again, more forceful this time as he tries to sit up. The nurse puts her hands on his shoulders to hold him down. The steady beeping coming from the machines by his bed picks up as his heart races.

“Your brother is fine, he’s in state custody,” she answers, “we’ve contacted him to let him know you’re okay.” Dean chokes on his breath as he moves to sit up again.

“I need to see him,” he says as he reaches over to try to pull the IV out of the back of his hand.

“Whoa,” she says, pushing him back down onto the bed, “you’re not going to see anyone but security if you don’t calm down and do as I tell you.” Dean lays back, his mind racing. He needs to get out of here, he needs to get to Sam. “We will restrain you if you make us,” she continues, “you can see your brother after you both meet with your social workers.”

“When will that be?” Dean asks as he tries to relax so the nurse will let go of him.

“You have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon,” she says in a calming tone, “if you feel up to it, we can get you up and walking beforehand. Now I’m going to leave you to go get you some dinner okay? Are you going to behave for me?” She asks as she fusses with his sheets.

Dean closes his eyes tight and takes a deep breath, “yes.”

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


The next afternoon there is a knock at the door to the room he’s staying in, it clicks and opens without waiting for a response.

“Dean Winchester?” A man asks as he steps into his room, “My name is Tom,” he continues, “I’m here to check up on you.” He shuts the door behind him.

“You my caseworker?” Dean asks, sitting up in his bed.

“Yes, I am,” Tom says as he moves the chair in the corner over to the side of Dean’s bed, “how are you feeling?” He asks as he sits.

“Fine. I just want to see my brother,” Dean says, trying not to show his anger on his face.

“And you will, I just need you to answer a few questions for me,” Tom says as he puts his glasses on and pulls a binder out of his bag, “your dad died last year, correct?” He asks as he looks up at Dean over his glasses.

“Yes,” Dean answers flatly, watching as Tom scribbles something down.

“And you’ve been living in the house alone with your brother since then, yeah?” He asks, looking back up at Dean.

“Yes.”

“Are you employed?” Tom asks as he writes.

“Not at the moment.”

“What have you been doing for an income?” Tom asks as he looks back up at Dean from his notes.

“Odd jobs here and there.”

“How long have you been doing heroin?” Tom asks, looking down at the page in front of him as he waits for Dean’s answer.

“About a year, but I quit recently.”

“You quit,” Tom pauses as he looks up at him, “before the overdose?” The skepticism in his voice makes Dean want to hit him. 

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Tom nods, “in that time, let me see here,” he says as he flips through a couple pages and stops, “you’ve been arrested for aggravated assault and spent around two weeks in jail, and have also been hospitalized for,” he pauses as he looks down at the page, “it says here, severe internal trauma?” 

Dean chews on the inside of his cheek as Tom waits for his response, “yes,” Dean says finally.

“What happened there?” Tom asks, turning the pages again without looking up.

“Some asshole hurt Sam so I hurt him,” Dean says matter of factly.

“And the hospitalization?” 

Dean clenches his fist around the blanket on his hospital bed as he looks at the far wall, “I-” he swallows hard, “I was, um,” the word sticks in his throat, choking him as he tries to get it out. 

“It was a sexual assault, was it not?” Tom asks without looking up at him, “that’s what the report says.” 

“If it says it in the report why are you asking,” Dean asks, feeling nauseas. 

“Standard procedure,” Tom answers, “okay, Dean, here’s the thing. Because you are still a minor, let alone unemployed and a heroin addict, we will not release your brother into your custody. He should have never been in your care in the first place.”

“You can’t do this,” Dean groans, “don’t do this.” He drops his head into his hands, “the nurse said I could see him, you have to let me see him,” he pleads as he looks over to Tom.

“You can see him, under supervision, until you can prove to the courts that you are fit. If you can prove you’ve held a job, lived in a suitable residence, and been clean from drugs for over two years, your case will be reviewed. Until then, Sam will remain with a foster family.”

“Are we done here?” Dean growls, “because I’m going to tell you right now, you are never going to be able to take my brother from me, or keep him from me. Don’t you fuckin’ worry about that.”

“Okay,” Tom says, moving the chair back to the corner, “that right there, is not the kind of thing you want to say to the man who decides if you see your brother again or not. I’m going to pick him up and bring him in for a supervised visit, but if you make me regret that, I promise you that you won’t see him again and it will be for his own good.”

When the nurse comes back in after Tom leaves, Dean asks her for a piece of paper and a pen.

A few hours later the door to his room swings open, Sam runs in without hesitation and jumps onto Dean’s bed. Dean wraps his arms around him and buries his face in Sam’s neck, holding him close and he breathes him in and forgets everything else. Sam’s body shakes as he starts to cry onto Dean’s shoulder, so Dean pulls him up so he’s sitting, straddling Dean’s hips. 

“Hey,” Dean says softly as he wipes the tears from Sam’s cheeks with his thumbs, “hey, don’t cry, Sam.” All he wants to do is kiss Sam until the tears stop, he leans in just slightly then remembers Tom standing in the doorway and settles for a kiss on Sam’s wet cheek.

“I thought you were dead,” Sam cries, he lunges forward and wraps his arms around Dean again, “I thought you were dead.”

“Can we have a minute?” Dean asks, holding Sam close as he looks over to Tom.

“No,” Tom answers in a flat tone, “we do need to get going though.” 

“He just got here!” Dean shouts as he pulls Sam tighter against him.

“He can come for another visit in a day or two, but right now he has an appointment to get to,” Tom says, walking over to the bed, “come on, Sam.”

“No,” Sam sniffs against Dean’s chest.

“If you want to see your brother again, then you need to come with me,” Tom says, laying his hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Don’t you fucking touch him,” Dean warns as he slaps Tom’s hand away.

“Come on, Sam,” Tom says again. Sam sits up and wipes his nose on his sleeve. Dean looks at him, hoping to get everything he wants to say across to him without a word. Discreetly, Dean slips a folded piece of paper into Sam’s hand and closes his fingers around it. Sam looks down at their hands and then back up at Dean, he nods and Sam moves to get off the bed.

“They can’t keep us apart,” Dean says with a soft smile as he holds Sam’s face in his hands. It takes everything in him not to kiss him right then and there.

“I know,” Sam says, smiling as he sniffs back his running nose.

“Can you at least give me the address where he’ll be so I can write to him?” Dean asks as Tom leads Sam out of the room. Tom stops and pulls a loose piece of paper out of his bag, he scribbles down an address and holds it out toward Dean.

“All your letters will be checked before they get to Sam,” he says then hands Dean the paper.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


In the back seat of Tom’s car, Sam pulls Dean’s note out of his pocket and reads it:

_If he gives me the address, I’m coming for you tonight._

He reads it again and again, then folds it back up and smiles to himself as he slides it back into his pocket. 


	17. PART II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Mentions of past overdose, ableist slur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrtitten by goandgetthegun

PART II:

F R E E D O M 

****

  
**December 5, 1996** ****  


* * *

  


They drove twelve hours straight the first day. Down endless miles of two lane road across the flat snow covered plains of America. Escaping Kansas and every part of their old life that wasn’t each other and their car. The road ahead of them was absolute freedom and a new beginning, a chance to do it their way. The miles behind them leading back to the place they once called home, were nothing more to them than a memory ready to be forgotten.

It took five and a half hours to get out of Kansas. They passed the _’Welcome to Colorful Colorado’_ sign and never look back.

“So much for ‘colorful Colorado,” Dean jokes, looking out across nothing but flat white ground and grey sky.

They didn’t talk much the first few hours. Sam was quieter than usual, when Dean had a chance he would look over and Sam would be staring out his window. Dean would nudge him with his elbow and think maybe this was a mistake, but then Sam would smile at him and he knew they’d be alright. He could tell Sam was scared, neither of them had ever left home before, but they had their whole lives ahead of them and they didn’t have anyone to show them the way.

“We’re going to be alright,” Dean says, he looks over as he slips his hand into Sam’s and Sam smiles back.

“I know,” Sam says as he holds Dean’s hand a little tighter.

As he stares at the road in front of them, Dean thinks about how a person like him could have got so lucky. Somehow he was blessed with a beautiful little brother who he loved like he couldn’t imagine anyone else loving another person. A boy who looked at him like he was everything, even despite all the shit he had been put through. Dean never considered himself a good person, he was selfish, he lied and cheated. He couldn’t take the pressure of trying to raise Sam alone, he put too much on Sam’s shoulders. The worst thing he could ever imagine doing is leaving Sam alone in the world, and he was so close to it, more than once. He will never forgive himself for it.

Sam would never know what it feels like to be alone and scared again, he’s going to make sure Sam knows he’s the center of his whole world. He would do anything for Sam and he knows Sam would do the same for him. He is Sam’s and Sam is his, and they would burn the world to ashes for each other.

Another hour passes before they see the outline of the Rocky Mountains appear on the horizon. Sam is sitting pressed against Dean’s side, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder with Dean’s arm around him. 

“See that, Sam?” Dean asks as he glances down at Sam, “those are the Rocky Mountains, once we get over those we’ll be free.” 

Five more hours and they make it over the pass. On the other side, they stop for the night in a small town outside of Grand Junction. They pick the cheapest motel they can find, the money Dean managed to save up is running out fast. 

Their room is small, plain with white walls, a table with a TV and a queen size bed covered in an ugly comforter. They kick off their snow covered boots and drop their bags against the wall. Dean turns the thermostat way up and drops face first onto the bed as the heater hums to life.

“You okay?” Sam asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah,” Dean says as he turns his head to face Sam, “just tired, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Sam answers with a soft smile. 

Dean rolls over onto his side and props his head up on his hand, “were those social workers good to you?” He asks, stomach twisting as the worst runs through his head.

“They were nice,” Sam says as he looks down at the comforter and picks at it, “they just asked a lot of questions.”

“Like what?” Dean asks after a sigh of relief. 

“I don’t know, just about our lives I guess,” Sam pauses, “they asked if you ever touched me.”

“What did you tell them?”

“Oh, just that you touched me all the time, all over, and that you even fucked me once,” Sam shrugs. Dean’s stomach twists into sick knots of guilt as memories of that night run through his mind, he still hates himself for it.

“Sam I-”

“What do you think I told them, Dean?” Sam asks, cutting Dean off, “of course I told them no, I’m not an idiot.” Sam pauses for a moment, “it’s not like it matters now anyway, right? All that matters is from today forward.”

“Right, Sammy,” Dean nods, he reaches out and takes a hold of Sam’s hand and squeezes. He’ll make it up to him, he’ll make everything up to him, somehow.

Sam stands and Dean watches as he walks into the bathroom. He sits up and pulls his jacket off and throws it on top of Sam’s. He strips out of his jeans and waits on the bed to take his turn in the bathroom. When he’s finished, he comes back into the room and Sam is laying on his back on the bed, Dean drops down next to him. Sam rolls over onto his side and kisses Dean softly.

“I’m so happy,” he smiles against Dean’s lips then pulls back.

“You’re not scared?” Dean asks, looking over at him.

“I’m scared, but I’m more happy,” Sam says as he lays his head down on Dean’s chest.

“I’m happy too,” Dean says, smiling to himself as he puts his arm around Sam. Dean can feel Sam running his fingertips lightly over the inside of his arm. He turns his head and watches as Sam touches the scars there. Dean feels a sick twist in his stomach as Sam stops over the most recent one. He waits for Sam to say something or move, but Sam just stays still until his shoulders begin to shake.

“Hey,” he says, tipping Sam’s chin up toward him, “it’s okay.” He wipes the tears from Sam’s cheeks.

“I thought I was going to lose you, Dean,” Sam cries, “I thought you were dead.”

“Sam-” 

“You’re all I have left, and you almost left me too,” Sam sniffs as he cuts Dean off.

“I’m never going to leave you,” Dean insists, he moves Sam’s head, making him look at him, “I’m never going to leave you,” he says again.

“You said that before and you almost did. Dean, if I didn’t- if I didn’t-” Sam begins to sobs against Dean’s hands.

“You saved my life, baby,” Dean urges, “I owe you everything, and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Sam.” Sam nods as he wipes his tears on his shirt.

“I won’t ever leave you either,” Sam says quietly. 

“I thought you said you were happy,” Dean says, offering Sam a smile.

“I am.” Sam wipes his eyes again, “I’m happy we’re leaving and I’m happy we’re together.”

“Now you’re not going to be able to get rid of me, even if you want to. You’re stuck with me for life, kiddo,” Dean says as he reaches out and ruffles Sam’s hair.

“Wouldn’t ever want to anyway,” Sam smiles as he swats Dean’s hand away.

“Good,” Dean says as he leans in and kisses Sam again.


	18. December 6, 1996

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Warnings:** Implied very underage sexual act (Sam is 13, no details beyond kissing)
> 
>  
> 
> written by goandgetthegun

**December 13, 1993**

* * *

  


Just after they laid down, Dean was out.

The next morning, Sam wakes up to the light coming into the dim room from behind the closed curtains. Dean is still laying on his back, eyes closed and mouth open, he didn’t move all night. He’s snoring lightly and Sam nestles in closer against his side, comforted by the sound. He lays there until his body starts to get restless. He climbs out of the bed as carefully as he can and tiptoes into the bathroom. He goes about his morning routine quietly and pulls on his clothes from yesterday, still waiting for him on the bathroom floor. When he’s finished, he tries to smooth his bedhead hair down with some water, but it doesn’t work so he pulls on his hat laying on the floor next to his jacket.

Sam picks up Dean’s jacket and digs through the pockets until he finds Dean’s wallet. He takes two twenties out and puts the wallet back where he found it, then lays Dean’s jacket on the foot of the bed. The chain lock makes a loud scraping sound as it falls against the door and Sam turns to look at Dean, hoping it didn’t wake him, but Dean is out cold. He turns the deadbolt and opens the door slowly, cold air rushes in so he closes it fast behind him, as quietly as he can. He doesn’t bother locking it.

It looks like it snowed all night, their car has a few inches on it and their footprints from the night before are gone. Sam steps into the parking lot and kicks at the fresh snow as he walks to the road. He stands on the sidewalk and squishes the slush beneath his boots as he waits for the traffic to pass. When he gets a chance, he runs across the street to the diner on the other side. There is a neon sign in the window that says ‘ _breakfast_ ’ in bold capital letters, and another one that say’s ‘ _open_ ’ hanging next to it. The bell on the door jingles as he steps inside, it’s pretty empty, considering how many seats there are.

He steps up to the bar and takes a seat on one of the stools. The menu is written out in little plastic letters on a big white board behind the counter, he looks through the options as he waits. It takes a few minutes before an older woman appears from a doorway leading to the kitchen.

“You waitin’ on somebody?” She asks as she steps up to him.

“No, ma’am, it’s just me,” he answers as he takes off his hat and sets it on the counter next to him.

“Well what can I get for ya?” She asks, taking a small notepad out of her apron pocket. 

“Two omelets, one with ham and cheese and one with everything except mushrooms, both with hashbrowns,” Sam pauses while she writes it down, when she looks back up at him he continues, “um, and two short stacks of pancakes, with extra butter and syrup if you can. Also two large coffees, both black and an apple juice. To go.”

“That’s an awful lot of food for such a little guy, you must be hungry,” she says as she clicks her pen closed and tucks it back into her apron pocket.

“Oh, it’s not all for me, I’m buying surprise breakfast for my big brother,” Sam says with a smile.

The waitress smiles back at him, “well that’s sure nice of you.” She rips the sheet out of the notebook and clips it to the order wheel, “we’ll get that right out for ya.” While the food cooks, she brings him out his apple juice in a to-go cup to drink while he waits, which he is grateful for. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was until he smelled the food cooking.

“That’ll be thirty seven thirty,” she says as she sets the bags of food on the counter. Sam hands her the twenties and thanks her, then takes the bags in one hand and picks the drink carrier up with the other. He backs out the door then jogs back across the street, careful not to slip on the slush. When he gets to the door to their room, he balances the drinks on his arm with his chin and opens the door with his free hand. Dean is still sleeping just where he left him. Sam sets the food down on foot of the bed and toes off his soggy boots by the door. He pulls his coat off and lays it over Dean’s then climbs onto the bed.

He straddles Dean’s hips and leans down, he presses his lips to Dean’s softly, peppering them with tiny kisses until Dean’s lips curl up into a smile beneath his.

“Mornin’” Dean says as he opens his eyes.

“Good morning,” Sam says with a smile as Dean stretches and yawns under him. Dean wraps his arms around Sam’s waist and rolls them over until Sam is under him. He braces himself up on his forearms and looks down at Sam then leans in and Sam meets him halfway.

“I got-” Sam says between kisses, “-us breakfast.”

“It smells amazing,” Dean sighs against Sam’s lips, “I’m starving.”

“I bet,” Sam answers.

“I feel like I haven’t eaten in weeks,” Dean says as he kisses Sam again. He works his way down Sam’s jaw to his throat, then pushes his t-shirt up, exposing the soft pale skin of Sam’s stomach.

“The food is gonna get cold,” Sam says, watching as Dean presses wet, open mouthed kisses to his stomach.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Dean groans as he sits up.

“We can keep going after?” Sam suggests as he pushes his hair back out of his face.

“Okay,” Dean says as he leans down and presses one more kiss to Sam’s hipbone, “deal.” Sam watches as Dean climbs off the bed and adjusts his hard dick in his boxers as he stands. Dean sits back down on the foot of the bed and opens one of the styrofoam boxes as Sam scoots down the bed to join him. 

“I got pancakes too,” Sam offers as he pushes another styrofoam box toward Dean.

“Really?” Dean asks with a smile, “you’re too good to me,” he says as he pours one of the little buckets of syrup over the stack. “Holy shit this is good,” he says through a mouthful of food.

“Yeah it is,” Sam laughs as he shovels hash browns into his mouth.

After a few minutes of silence, Dean looks up at Sam. “So where should we go now?” He asks as he pushes a cube of ham around with his plastic fork. Sam wipes his mouth on a napkin and pushes the last of his food to the side. 

“Let’s go to the ocean,” Sam says after a moment.

“The ocean?” Dean asks as he looks at Sam.

“Yeah, let’s go to the beach, where there’s sun and it’s hot. I’m tired of the snow.”

“Okay,” Dean says with a smile, “the beach it is then.” He leans in and kisses Sam again and he tastes like maple syrup.

“I want to see palm trees,” Sam says as Dean lays back down on the bed and props his head up with his hand, “and cities that go on forever,” he continues.

“What else?” Dean asks.

“I want to lay on the sand under the sun,” Sam says as he lays down next to Dean and faces him, “we could go skinny dipping in the real life ocean!”

“I like the way you think,” Dean laughs.

“Can we go everywhere?” Sam asks with a smile.

“Anywhere you want, sugar,” Dean says as he leans in and presses a kiss to Sam’s lips again.


	19. April 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Homophobic slur, and abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by enamourous

**April, 1997**

* * *

  


Dean had been laying on his bed watching the useless light in the kitchen flicker for the past five minutes while he smoked his way through a pack of Marlboro’s, trying not to think about how Sam left for the gas station that was ten minutes away from the hotel a whole fucking hour ago and wasn’t back yet.

He stubbed his half-smoked cigarette out on the bedside table and grabbed the room keys, finally breaking down. It was going to get dark soon and there was no way in hell he was going to wait that long.

He drove to the gas station so lost in thoughts of what he was going to say to Sam when he found his sorry ass that it felt like he had blinked and he was there, pulling into the station and getting out of the car. But Sam wasn’t inside the station store. Dean even checked the bathrooms, banging on the locked door until a voice much too gruff to be Sam’s told him to fuck off.

If he’d been pissed on the way there he was almost frantic with worry on the way back, white knuckling the steering wheel but driving as slowly as he could, scanning carefully for any sign of Sam on the side roads, and as he got closer and closer to the hotel he felt more and more like he was going to be sick.

It was finally at a park about a minute away from the hotel that Dean saw Sam sitting leaning against a chain link fence that surrounded a small baseball field next to the playground.

Dean parked the car and didn’t even bother to close the door when he got out. When he was a few steps behind his brother and Sam hadn’t turned around, he spoke.

“I’m never letting you go anywhere on your own again. Get in the fucking car Sam,” He said at Sam’s back, seething.

Sam just drew up his knees and lowered his face into the crook of his arm and that’s when Dean saw his back shaking. For the second time that night his anger rolled quickly into a panic. He had walked around the fence and was crouching in front of his brother with his hands on his arms in less than a moment.

“What happened? What’s wrong? Sam.”

“Don’t touch me,” Sam’s voice was muffled as he spoke into his sweatshirt. When Dean tried to pull his arm away from his face, Sam only buried his head deeper.

“Stop it,” Dean said, and tried to pull Sam’s arm away again, this time more forcefully.

“I said don’t touch me!” Sam screamed this time, and pushed Dean away from him, sending Dean back onto his ass, but exposing his face.

There was mascara leaving dirty tracks under his eyes and pink lipstick smudged all down his chin, but Dean barely saw it because there was blood there too, some coloring Sam’s chin along with the lipstick and some purpling Sam’s cheek in a bruise.

Dean felt his stomach drop right through to the floor.

“Who did this to you.”

“Dean,” Sam said, sobbing.

“Who fucking did this to you?” He said again, shaking Sam’s shoulders a little.

“J-Just guys. Some guys behind the gas station. It’s my fault I’m sorry I shouldn’t have put it on I shouldn’t have I’m sorry Dean I just didn’t want you to see it I thought if I just put it on after I left and-”

“I don’t give a fuck about the makeup Sam I want to know where they went.”

“I don’t- I don’t know they’re gone,” Sam said between uncontrolled breaths.

“What happened?” Dean growled, but Sam didn’t answer, he just gasped for breath frantically.

“Jesus, okay. Calm down.” Dean said, working hard to inject softness into his tone because he knew his anger at the pieces of shit that did this was only upsetting his brother more. “Just focus on breathing slowly. Baby, look at me. In through your nose.”

He scooted closer and gently put a hand on Sam’s chest, and another on the back of his neck. “Out through your mouth.”

Sam did his best to follow directions, laying his head back against the chain link but keeping his eyes on Dean’s as he breathed. Dean rubbed his hand comfortingly over Sam’s chest and up around his neck while his breathing gradually slowed and his tears lessened.

“I’m not mad at you Sam. I’m mad at myself for letting anything happen to you, and I’m mad at them. Not at you okay?” Dean said. Sam gave a small nod. “Can you tell me what happened?”

When Sam started to speak it was in an impossibly quiet voice.

“They must have seen me before I walked into the store because right when I left they dragged me behind the building and one of the guys asked me if I sucked dick for money and smeared my lipstick all over. He tried to stick his thumb in my mouth and I bit him so he punched me.” Sam started to cry a little more again as he talked, and Dean did his best not to show that he was angry enough to punch a hole in the goddamn dirt.

“All the other ones were laughing and the guy told me I was lying and burned me with his cigarette.”

“Where?” Dean bit out.

Sam pulled down the collar of his sweatshirt to reveal an angry-looking circular burn right in the center hollow of his collarbone. There was going to be a scar there forever, and the thought made Dean sick with rage.

“I’d fucking rip them apart,” Dean cursed. “They’re so fucking lucky they got their asses out of sight or they’d be dead. I would have killed them.”

“One told me if he was queer he wouldn’t fuck any other faggot as ugly as me,” Sam stumbled over the words because he was crying hard again. “I hate them Dean. I _hate_ those guys.”

“You listen to me Sam. Don’t listen to one fucking word they said. You’re so much better than them. Don’t think for one second you’re not, do you hear me?” Dean said forcefully. “They’re nothing but pathetic excuses for people who have no fuckin’ clue how worthless their lives are.”

Sam rubbed tears away from his eyes and nodded.

“Did they do anything else to you?” Dean asked.

“They took my stuff and told me they’d kill me if I didn’t start running. So I ran.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dean closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Sam’s temple, pulling him close. “I shouldn’t have let you go alone. I should have been there to protect you.”

“It’s okay.”

“Why didn’t you come home?” Dean asked, fighting the urge to argue that nothing about this was okay.

“I was afraid for you to see me.”

“Because of the makeup or what?” Dean asked in a clipped tone.

“Yeah.”

“Sam,“ Dean said exasperatedly, "I’d still love you if you looked like Pennywise.”

“You would not you fucking liar.” The sound of the smallest of smiles on Sam’s lips sent a small sense of relief into Dean’s mind. 

“Well, maybe as long as you just had his face. I don’t know if I could deal with the fuzzy red hair.”

Sam laughed again, and then they were both silent a moment.

“This was a stupid idea,” Sam said eventually, pulling a sleeve over the heel of his palm and trying to scrub the pink stain off of his mouth and chin.

“It’s not such a stupid idea,” Dean nudged at Sam’s shoulder. “I like your eyelashes a lot.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, they’re almost as pretty as mine now,” Dean smiled.

“They’re prettier, shut the hell up.” Sam sniffled, and despite the rage still simmering in Dean’s gut he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re right. I’m the handsome one. I ain’t pretty at all,” Dean conceded.

Sam gently laced his fingers through Dean’s and brushed the tattooed letters on the tops of Dean’s fingers with his other hand as he settled against him.

“You are beautiful Sam. You’re like the goddamned sun.” Dean said.

They went together most places after that.


	20. May 2, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warnings:** None!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**May 2, 1997**

* * *

  
They cross the Arizona border after dark going West on Highway 60. Warm summer air streams through Dean’s half open window, static and classic country plays quietly on the radio. Sam is leaning on his door with his head resting against his window. His mouth is parted and his eyes are closed, and Dean smiles to himself when he looks over. There hasn’t been another car for miles, it’s just the two of them and the dark desert.

Two hours later and they hit Winslow, Dean hums _Take It Easy_ to himself as they pass the sign for the turn off. Every few miles he looks over to Sam’s sleeping form in the dark next to him. Last year, Sam woke up to Dean passed out on the front lawn. He sat on the front step and threw empty beer cans at him until he had to leave for school. When he came home, Dean was gone. Dean didn’t realize what day it was and honestly, he doesn’t know if he even would have done anything differently had he known. But this year, he’s going to make it up to Sam, he’s going to give him the birthday he deserves.

Ever since they saw a show on it when they were little, Sam wanted to see the Grand Canyon. He would go on about it to dad, asking him how far away it was and if they could go. Dad’s answer was always a short, ‘too far’. Dean hasn’t heard Sam mention it in a long time, he probably gave up on going a long time ago.

It’s around three am when Dean pulls into a parking spot near the visitor's center at the edge of the canyon. He puts the car in park and turns the key, he sits for a moment listening to the engine pop as it cools. Sam stirs as he curls up tighter against the door, and Dean watches him until his still again. After a few minutes, he rolls his window up and grabs his jacket from the backseat.

“Happy birthday, Sam,” he whispers as he covers Sam with his jacket. He leans back against his door and closes his eyes.

****

****  


* * *

****

****  


Cool, early morning light fills the car as Dean blinks awake. Sam is curled up against his side, still fast asleep. Dean looks down at him and smiles, he looks so fragile in the warm golden glow of the rising sun. Guilt comes bubbling back up as Dean watches him sleep, he put Sam through so much. He closes his eyes and rests his head back against the window and waits. Soon, Sam stirs under his arm, he rubs his eyes and Dean smiles down at him as he turns to look up at him.

“Good morning,” Dean says as Sam yawns and nestles back under his arm.

“Morning,” Sam answers back.

“Happy fourteenth,” Dean says as he pulls Sam in closer, Sam looks back up at him and smiles.

“Thanks,” Sam says with a grin, he sits up and stretches, “where’d we make it to?”

“That’s your surprise,” Dean says, unable to keep from smiling, he watches Sam light up as he looks out the windows.

“Where are we?” He asks, looking back at Dean.

“C’mon,” Dean says as he opens his door. He steps out into the morning sun and closes his door behind him. He walks to Sam’s side of the car and takes Sam’s hand, he leads Sam through the parking lot and down a rocky trail. They round a corner and Sam stops dead as the canyon comes into view. Dean stops a few feet ahead and turns to Sam with a smile. Sam’s eyes are wide and shining.

“Oh my God,” he says as he looks from the canyon to Dean, “Dean,” he breathes out as tears break the surface of his eyes.

“Come on,” Dean smiles as he leads Sam toward the look out, “there’s more.” Dean stops and Sam lets go of his hand as he steps up to the stone barrier. Dean waits a moment before stepping up next to him, he puts his arm around Sam’s shoulders and takes in the view. It’s bigger and more beautiful than Dean could have ever imagine. 

“It’s amazing,” Sam says quietly as he leans into Dean’s side, “thank you,” he says looking up at Dean.

“Does it make up for last year?” Dean asks with a smile.

“Yes,” Sam laughs as he wipes the tears from his cheeks, “thank you,” he says again as he stretches up on his tippy toes to reach Dean’s lips. Dean kisses Sam softly, just for a moment, then Sam pulls back and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist, resting his head against his chest as he looks at the canyon.

“Want to go to the bottom?” Dean asks, breaking the silence.

“Really?” Sam says as he turns to look up at Dean again.

“Yeah,” Dean says with a laugh as Sam’s face lights up, “if you want to.”

“Yes!” Sam’s voice cracks with excitement. 

“Well let’s go,” Dean says as he takes Sam’s hand again.


	21. May18, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Graphic underage penetrative sex (Sam is 14), rimming, felching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**May 18, 1997**

* * *

  


Sam wakes to a quiet sound in the darkness.

He lays still for a moment, listening to the far off echo of sirens. The alarm clock on the bedside table reads 3:27 in big red glowing numbers. He drops his head back down against his pillow and closes his eyes again, about to drift back to sleep. His heart sinks when he realizes the sound that woke him is Dean quietly crying in his sleep. 

He lifts the blanket up and scoots closer, pressing himself gently against Dean’s back. It happens every so often, Sam can only imagine what Dean had been through in the last year, all the pain he’s endured. He won’t talk about it. Sam kisses Dean’s bare shoulder as he wraps his arm around him, holding him close as he tries to sooth his terrors.

Soon, Dean quiets and Sam falls back asleep, he doesn’t mention it the next morning.

Since they left, things have been good, even if some bad things have happened. Sam would even say he’s truly happy, something just months ago he didn’t know if he’d ever feel again. Most days Dean seems happy too, every once in awhile he has a dark day or two. He won’t leave the bed, or he lashes out, but Sam knows now that it’s not something Dean can help.

There is one thing Sam only brought up once since they left, something that’s been in the back of his mind for a very long time. He lays on his side on the bed as he watches Dean dry himself off after a shower and decides this is the day he’s going to bring it up again.

After Dean leaves for a food run, Sam jumps in the shower. When he’s finished, he shuts off the water and steps out from behind the curtain. He rubs a towel through his hair and wipes the rest of the water from his skin. When he opens the bathroom door, Dean is sitting on the foot of the bed, flipping through channels. He looks over to Sam and smiles, “hey.”

“Dean,” Sam says as he walks over to where Dean is sitting. He takes the remote from Dean’s hands and sets it on the bed next to him. Dean looks at him with a raised eyebrow as he grabs Dean’s hands and pulls them aside. He climbs onto Dean’s lap while Dean holds onto his hips. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Dean asks curiously, his eyebrows pulled together as he looks at Sam, “what is it?”

“I um,” Sam starts then pauses, “I want to try it again,” he says finally.

“Try what?” Dean asks.

“I want you to fuck me again." He bites his lip, hoping he isn’t making a mistake.

“Sam-” Dean says with a sigh as he looks away from him.

“Wait, listen,” Sam cuts him off, “I know you said you still feel guilty about last time, but I can’t even really remember last time, and I really want to be able to remember it, Dean.” He pauses as Dean leans forward, resting his head on Sam’s shoulder. “Please?” He asks quietly as he runs his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Are you sure?” Dean asks as he looks up at Sam and Sam huffs out a laugh. “I mean it Sam,” he says, “I need to know you’re positive it’s what you really want.”

Sam’s smile falls as he looks at Dean’s serious face, “yeah, Dean, I’m sure. It’s what I really want.” 

They’re quiet for a moment, then Dean swallows hard and nods his head, Sam’s stomach flutters with excitement and nerves. Dean kisses him, soft and gentle, then stands, lifting Sam up with him. He lays Sam down on the bed and kneels on the floor at his feet. Sam’s heart races as Dean takes a hold of his legs and pulls him down to the edge of the bed. A shiver runs through Sam’s body as the heat of Dean’s tongue touches him. He closes his eyes, letting out shaky breaths as Dean licks at him then pushes his tongue in. 

“Feels so good,” he moans out then gasps and presses his thighs closed around Dean’s head, his body trembling as Dean adds a finger and rubs inside him. 

It doesn’t take long until he’s is a whimpering mess. Suddenly, the sensations stop as Dean pulls his finger out and sits back on his heels, wiping his wet mouth on the back of his hand. Sam pants on the bed, trying to steady his breathing as he watches Dean walk over to his bag on the floor. He comes back with a small bottle in his hand and drops it on the bed next to Sam. Sam sits up, his body shaking as he scoots back and lays against the pillows. 

Dean pulls his t-shirt off over his head and tosses it onto the bed next to Sam. Sam watches as he unbuckles his belt and pops the buttons of his fly open one by one. He hooks his thumbs in his waist band and pushes his jeans down his hips. Sam’s mouth starts to water as the fabric inches down Dean’ freckled skin, slowly revealing his hard cock, beautiful and flushed pink under a patch of ginger-brown hair. Sam can’t help the excited smile that spreads on his lips as Dean pulls them the rest of the way off and kicks them to the side.

Dean is quiet as Sam watches him pop the cap open and squirt the clear liquid onto his fingers. He climbs onto the bed then rests his dry hand on Sam’s hip as he rubs slick circles against Sam’s hole. Sam bits his lip as Dean slides a finger back into him.

“Are you okay?” Sam breathes out as Dean moves his finger inside him. He watches Dean’s throat work as he swallows.

“Yeah,” Dean nods as he looks up at Sam, meeting his eyes. He looks nervous, Sam offers him a soft smile and Dean smiles back. He wonders if this is the first time Dean has ever been with someone he actually cares about sober, if maybe this is just as big a deal for Dean as it is for him. 

“Thank you for this,” Sam says, his muscles jump and he lets out a moan as Dean moves his finger just right.

“Thanks for giving me another chance,” Dean says quietly as he slides another finger in. Sam squirms, pushing back against Dean’s hand as Dean works him open, every so often he glances up at Sam to give him a soft smile that melts him, fucking melts him. 

“Ready?” Dean asks as he pulls his fingers out and slides the rest of the lube over himself. Sam takes a deep breath and nods.

“Yeah,” he nods, his heart races as he looks up into Dean’s eyes as Dean lines up.

“You sure?” Dean asks as he rubs his slick tip against Sam’s hole, making Sam shiver.

“Yes.”

Sam bites his lip and holds his breath as Dean nudges into him.The first burning stretch as the head of Dean’s cock breaches him makes him gasp. His eyebrows pull together and his mouth slowly opens as Dean sinks further in. His body tenses as he feels inch after slow inch filling him and then Dean stops.

“Is it okay?” Dean asks, his face is flushed and Sam can feel him trembling against him.

“God, Dean,” Sam moans, “yes.” Dean nods as he looks back down to where he disappears inside Sam, a smile on his lips. 

As Dean starts to move, Sam reaches down to rub himself lazily. Dean rolls his hips slow, keeping himself deep, watching Sam’s face scrunch up when he hits just right. He picks up the pace, pulling back for longer strokes, pushing tiny whimpers out of Sam every time he slides back in.

The world around Sam melts into nothing, like a dream he never wants to wake from. All there is is Dean above him and in him, surrounding him and filling him. He keeps his eyes on Dean’s until he can’t anymore and they flutter shut. He lets go of himself and rests his hands on Dean’s shoulders, feeling his muscles flex under his fingers. Heat courses through him, radiating from where their skin touches, his body feels like it’s on fire. He throws his head back against the pillow and lets out a long moan as Dean moves just right.

His back arches, hips lifting off the mattress, his toes curl up tight as his body tenses and his legs shake from strain.

“Fuck,” Dean groans as he watches Sam come apart under him.

Sam scratches his fingernails down Dean’s back as he scrambles for grip, he feels like his body is going to break apart. He lifts his head up and drops it back down against the pillow as his body shudders. He lets out a series of choked off whimpers as he tips over the edge, he opens his eyes and looks up at Dean as he spills again and again onto his stomach.

His body shakes with the aftershocks as Dean works him through the last of it. He leans down and swallows Sam’s moans with a kiss as he starts to move faster. Sam’s muscles tremble with every thrust into his over sensitive body, he breaks the kiss and drops his head back down against the pillow, panting for breath between moans as Dean licks his lips then bites down and closes his eyes tight.

He pushes into Sam deep, their bodies flush against each other. Sam feels Dean tense, his muscles spasm inside him as he comes. He rolls his hips, gently working himself though it as he fills Sam. After the last of it, he is still for a moment, breathing through his nose as his body trembles. 

He moves his hips and Sam feels him start to pull out. “Wait,” Sam stops him with a hand on his cheek, “stay in me for a little longer.”

Dean drops down to his elbows and kisses Sam again, it’s wet and clumsy and Sam can taste himself of Dean’s tongue. He can’t remember the last time he was this happy. Dean pulls away and looks down at him, he brushes Sam’s damp hair out of his eyes and slides his thumb across Sam’s bottom lip before leaning in and kissing him again.

“Good?” He asks against Sam’s lips.

Sam lets out a breathy laugh and nods his head, “so good.” He closes his eyes, savoring the warmth of Dean’s body against his. “Was it good for you?” He asks quietly, hoping with all his heart that Dean liked it.

“Yeah, Sam,” Dean says, “it was great.” Sam’s lips curl up into a smile at the praise, he can’t help but feel proud. 

“Let’s get cleaned up,” Dean says after a long silence. He sits up and his soft cock slips out of Sam as he reaches for his t-shirt and Sam feels his hole twitching at the sudden emptiness. Dean turns back to Sam and notices the come slipping out of Sam’s hole as it spasms. 

He scoots back and leans down, licking at Sam’s puckered skin as he gathers his come onto his tongue. Sam closes his eyes as he relaxes into it, enjoying the gentle heat of Dean’s tongue soothing the dull soreness he feels there. Dean presses his lips to Sam’s hole and Sam’s body jumps as Dean sucks.

“Fuck,” Sam breathes out as Dean smiles against him.

“You like that?” Dean asks as he looks up at Sam. Sam nods his head and Dean moves up Sam’s body, he takes his soft dick into his mouth and Sam’s body jerks involuntarily as Dean sucks him gently. When Sam is clean, he sits up. “How you feelin’?” He asks as he wipes his messy mouth on the back of his hand.

“Like I never want to leave this bed again,” Sam answers with a lazy smile as he stretches, “can we do it again?”

“You gotta give me a minute, kid,” Dean laughs.

Sam turns onto his side as Dean wipes himself off. When he’s finished he lays down behind Sam and Sam sighs contentedly as he scoots back flush against Dean’s body. Dean kisses his jaw and reaches down between Sam’s cheeks, “but we can do this while we wait,” he says as he rubs at Sam’s hole gently.

Sam turns his head and smiles against Dean’s lips, he kisses him again as he nods, “please.”


	22. June 2, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** None!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by enamourous

**June 2, 1997**

* * *

  


Sam’s hair was getting long.

They’d driven a two hundred mile stretch through Arizona to Utah without break, so the first river they hit after crossing the border they stopped at. Sam was sitting with his feet in the water and his shorts undone, spine notching a line up his back that led straight to where his hair was just beginning to dust his shoulders. 

“I like those on you” Dean said, kicking his shoes off and sitting down next to his brother. 

“What?" 

"The shorts. I like ‘em on you.” Dean said. 

“'Course you do, you’re a dirty pervert.” Sam said with a sly grin. Dean put a hand against Sam’s head and pushed him playfully.

“Fuck off,” he said, smirking back. “Last time I say anything nice to you.”

Sam scooted closer to lean under Dean’s arm, snaking a hand around him and tucking his fingers under the waist of his jeans against the soft skin just under Dean’s hipbone. His other palm he rested flat against Dean’s belly. 

“I think you like 'em 'cuz they make me look like a girl,” Sam said, twisting to look up at him. 

“Is that so?" 

"Yeah, you like it when I look like a girl.” Sam said matter-of-factly. He continued after a pause when Dean only brushed his fingertips against Sam’s skin. “ ’S that why you always want to fuck me like one?”

“Nah, I like looking at you, that’s why,” Dean said and Sam smiled, pushing himself up to give Dean a kiss. 

“Always such a charmer,” Sam replied, pushing his feet deeper into the water. "I like you looking at me too,“ he added softly as he settled closer against Dean’s side.


	23. June 15, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Recreational drug use, and shotgunning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**June 15, 1997**

* * *

  
Sam’s been in the bathroom for longer than usual.

Dean is lying on the bed listening to the TV over the sound of the shower running on the other side of the wall. Some old show he’s never seen before is playing between too many commercials. He takes another hit off the joint as he flips through the few channels that come in and settles back on the old show, then closes his eyes as he exhales the thick smoke into the stale motel air.

The shower shuts off and Dean opens his eyes again. A few minutes later, Sam emerges from the steamy bathroom wearing Dean’s old blue flannel that’s too big on him. The sleeves cover his hands and the collar hangs off one of his bare shoulders. Dean sets the joint in the ashtray on the nightstand as Sam climbs onto the bed.

“Surprise,” Sam says with a smile as he climbs over Dean’s legs and rests on his lap. He grabs Dean’s hands and rubs them down against the smooth skin of his thighs. Dean slides his hands down to Sam’s knees and back up, pushing them under the hem of the flannel. Sam’s skin is soft as silk under Dean’s fingers and he can’t stop touching him.

“It’s all gone,” Sam says and Dean looks up at him.

“Everything?” Dean asks, Sam grins and nods. He lifts the flannel up, exposing soft bare skin Dean wants to feel under his lips.

“Yup, even my arms,” Sam says as he pushes the sleeves up to show Dean, “do you like it?” Sam asks. His eyebrows pull together as he looks at Dean, waiting for his answer.

“Sure,” Dean says with a smile, “do you?”

“Yeah, I like the way it feels,” Sam says as he touches his legs, “and how it looks.” He stretches his legs out on either side of Dean to admire his work.

“Feels fuckin’ good,” Dean admits with a laugh as he ghosts his fingertips up Sam’s legs. Sam leans over and grabs the joint from the ashtray and takes a drag. He coughs as he exhales and hands it back to Dean.

“Just like one of your girls,” Sam says with the tiniest hint of a question. Dean takes another hit and puts his hands on either side of Sam’s face. He leans up as he pulls Sam close and presses his lips to Sam’s. Sam breathes deep as Dean exhales smoke into his waiting lungs.

“So much better,” he breathes out against Sam’s jaw. He drops the joint back in the ashtray and sits up. He lays Sam back against the mattress and presses kisses against Sam’s exposed collar bone.

“How much better?” Sam asks with a grin as Dean unbuttons the flannel slowly.

“The best I ever had,” Dean says, looking back up at Sam with a smile as he opens Sam’s shirt. Sam spreads his legs as Dean drags his hands down his bare stomach.

“Do you mean it?” Sam asks quietly, his eyes are shining and his face is flushed pink. His damp hair is messy and sticking to his forehead and Dean wants to make sure he never has to ask that again.


	24. June, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter Warning:** Public display of affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

**June, 1997**

* * *

  
They walk into the 24-hour diner a little after eleven.

The sign by the register says ‘ _seat yourself_ ’ so they do. Dean choses a quiet booth toward the back across from a young, uptight couple. The man eyes Dean as he walks towards them, and then shifts his gaze to Sam. He leans toward the woman and whispers something behind his hand. She waits long enough to not be completely obvious before glancing over at them.

Dean slides into the booth first, he rests his arm the backrest as Sam climbs across the seat and settles in his lap. Sam rests his back against the wall, facing the couple, watching as they busy themselves with their dinners, eating in silence. Their server shows up a moment later to hand them their menus, he looks at them and starts to say something about how there are rules in this restaurant, but Dean gives him an icy glare and the man stops then smiles. There is a quiet pause before he asks if he can get anything started for them.

“A chocolate milkshake,” Sam chirps, “with whipped cream and a cherry on top,” he adds with a smile.

“Do you just want the one?” Their server asks, moving his eyes between them. Dean nods and the server asks if they want anything else. Sam shakes his head. Their server walks away and the couple is looking at them again, when they realize they’re being obvious they quickly turn away. Sam slides an arm around Dean’s neck and rests his head on his shoulder. Dean lays his hand on Sam’s thigh and rubs his thumb in slow circles against Sam’s skin.

“What do you think they’d do if you fucked me right here?” Sam asks, his voice low against Dean’s neck.

“Probably watch until we finished, they’ve never seen anything as hot as my boy with my cock in him,” Dean turns his head to look at Sam, sliding his hand further up Sam’s thigh. “They wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off themselves,” he whispers as he leans in, slipping his fingers under the hem of Sam’s shorts. “When they heard the noises you make,” Sam closes his eyes as Dean continues, the picture he’s painting going straight to Sam’s dick. “Whimpering, moaning my name,” Dean continues, his lips hover just above Sam’s. “Then they’d call the cops,” Dean huffs out a laugh as Sam opens his eyes and smiles at him.

Their server returns with their milkshake, topped with two straws, a dollop of whipped cream, and one cherry. Sam picks it up and brings one of the straws to his lips. 

“Mmm,” he hums around the plastic straw as he drinks, “it’s really good, try some.” The woman looks over as he holds the straw out for Dean.

Dean takes as sip, “delicious,” he says licking his lips as he looks at Sam.

Sam sets the glass down and glances at the woman, now making no point to hide her distaste. He picks the cherry off the top of the whipped cream and pops the entire thing into his mouth. She turns toward the man and says something under her breath as she kicks his leg. He says something back and then turns to look at them.

Sam stares back at them as he lays his hand on Dean’s cheek, pulling him toward his lips. He kisses Dean hard, dipping his tongue into Dean’s mouth as his kisses back. They make a point to be as obnoxious about it as they can, moaning loudly, breathing heavy. Dean pushes his hand up through Sam’s hair and holds tight, making Sam moan into his mouth. Sam bites onto Dean’s bottom lip as he pulls back, breaking their kiss.

Dean reaches up and pulls the cherry stem from his mouth and grins at them. The woman makes a disgusted noise and stands up, throwing her napkin down onto the table. The man shoves his empty chair away from him and follows her to the register.

“Got the whole section to ourselves now,” Dean says with a grin and takes another sip.

When they’re finished, they leave a twenty on the table and walk out. Dean’s arm over Sam’s shoulders and one one of Sam’s hands in Dean’s back pocket.


	25. March 22, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER AND THE CHAPTERS AFTER HAVE NOT BEEN UPDATED AND WILL NOT FIT WITH THE CURRENT STORY.**
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter warning for mentions of past rape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

“Rise and shine, sleepy head,” Dean hears Sam say just before bright, blinding sunlight fills the room as he throws open the curtains. Dean rolls over to his other side and pulls the blanket back up to his chin, “come on, it’s 2:30. It’s a beautiful day outside,” Sam says as he climbs onto the bed, “let's go do something,” he coos as he lays against Dean’s back and wraps his arm around him. He nibbles gently at Dean’s earlobe and Dean pulls the blanket up higher to block him.

“You go ahead,” he says from under the blanket. The last thing he wants to do right now is leave this bed. He closes his eyes and tries to shut his brain off. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks as he sits up, “are you sick?” Dean doesn’t answer. Maybe if he doesn’t say anything, Sam will take the hint and let him be. Sam climbs off the bed and walks around to Dean’s side, the mattress dips as he sits down, “do you need me to go get you something?” 

More silence. 

“ _Okay_ ,” Sam draws out the word, “well, I’m going to go get something to eat, do you want anything?” 

“No,” Dean answers, then adds “thank you,” so Sam won’t think he’s mad at him, he doesn’t need to deal with that.

“Did I do something?” Sam asks and Dean sighs in frustration, _there it is_.

“No, Sam, please,” Dean groans as he turns over away from Sam again.

“Okay,” Sam says as he stands, “fine,” there’s a pause while he gathers his things, “well, I’ll be back, going all by myself, might get murdered,” he says at the door and Dean sighs again, _just go_.

He hears the door to their room shut and wishes Sam would have closed the curtains again before he left. He can hear birds singing outside and cars passing on the road across the parking lot. The sun is shining through the window, _is it so hard to close the fucking curtains before you leave,_ right into their bed, _if you didn’t open them in the first fucking place_. He throws the blanket off himself and climbs out of the bed.

He walks over to the curtains and tries to slam them shut but one sticks on it’s railing, he pulls again, harder this time, _piece of shit_ , he pulls again and it’s still stuck, _fucking close!_ he pulls it as hard as he can and immediately hears a crack as the railing snaps.

“Fuck!” he yells as he yanks the curtain off the broken railing and tries to rip the fabric but it doesn’t tear. He throws it to the ground and kicks it across the room, he sits down on the bed, fuming. 

After a moment of trying to calm himself he gives up and walks to the bathroom, he stops in front of the toilet and pulls his dick out. He closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh as he goes, listening to the calming sound of piss hitting water. He shakes off the last few drips and tucks himself back in, adjusting his dick so it’s sitting right, then flushes the toilet. 

He turns on the hot water and sticks his hands under the cold water coming out, he stares down at it as it runs over his hands. It doesn’t look real, like he’s watching it through a TV screen and he doesn’t realize he hasn’t moved until the water starts to burn his hands and he pulls them back. He turns on the cold tap and grabs the soap off the little dish, lathers up, then rinses.

He falls back into the bed, facing away from the half covered window and pulls the blanket back over his ear, leaving his face uncovered so he can breathe. He closes his eyes and tries to will himself to sleep, but all the bullshit comes flooding in. _You’re almost out of money. What if you run out and can’t make any more? You gonna steal? How well does that work out for you? Get a job? We know how well that went last time. Fired for being a fucking weak piece of shit. What are you going to do when no one wants to fuck you? They don’t want to touch you at all, much less pay for it, you aren’t worth it. You aren’t worth anything. Worthless. No one wants to fuck a used up come rag._

_So what are you going to do? Make Sam work for you? Send Sam out to do what you can’t, oh they would like that. To put their filthy hands, mouths, diseased cocks inside his sweet, perfect body. Use him up just like you and toss him to the side. What are you going to do?_ Dean sits up and puts his head in his hands. _That man at the gas station, the last one, remember when you couldn’t get it up? Remember when he hit you and you were too fucked up to fight back? Just like when you let those men take and take and take until you were a pile of shit on the floor. Remember how it felt when he shoved-_ Dean feels himself start to shake as he looks at the ceiling and fights back the tears starting to break the surface. 

_Fuck._

He looks over to the bedside table, there’s a half empty bottle of tequila sitting under the lamp. He reaches out and brings it over to him. It hits his empty stomach and immediately turns, he drinks until he’s gasping for breath. _Oh, there we go, get fucked up! That always works out well. Can’t handle anything on your own, not even your own thoughts. Fucking weak. Sam’s going to be real proud of you._

 _Sam,_ he thinks, _at least I have Sam._

_Yeah? He’s only here because you dragged him away from the safe, loving home he could have had with foster parents. Foster parents he had to go to because you’re a fuck up. What do you think they’d do if they found out you touch him. That you fucked him when he was thirteen? Just a fucking kid, you’re a sick fuck._

_No. No, it wasn’t like that._

_Age of consent, asshole. You should have walked away, but you didn’t, because you wanted to sink your cock into that little kid._

_I didn’t know what I was doing! Fuck off!_

_But you knew what you were doing every time after that, you knew what you were doing in the car a few days ago. Oh, you knew exactly what you were fucking doing. What, because you think that he loves you, that he says he wants you, that it’s okay?_

_It’s different-_

_Is it?_

Dean takes another long drink, _I just need to get to sleep_. He sets the almost empty bottle on the bedside table and lays back down.

_What if someone has their hands on Sam right now? What if they’re taking him and he’s screaming your name? You let him go out alone, what if he’s dead?_

Dean does his best to push the thought out. _What if he-_ the thought trails off, _dead in a di-_ , he can feel himself slipping into an alcohol induced sleep. His thoughts quiet down and he relaxes into the bed. 

The door to their room swings open and Sam steps in, “what happened?” Dean hears Sam ask as he shuts the door behind him. He sets the food on the table and picks up the curtain off the floor. He turns back to the window to look at the broken railing, “you didn’t have to break it,” he says.

_I wouldn’t have had to fucking break it if you wouldn’t have fucking opened them in the first fucking place._

“Come on, Dean,” Sam says as he sits back on the bed, “you haven’t left the room since we got here, what, two days ago?” Dean feels Sam lay his hand on his side, “and you haven’t eaten anything,” Sam’s hand rubs gentle circles against him through the blanket, “you need to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” Dean says as he starts to feel nauseous. He hears Sam pick up the bottle from the bedside table.

“I see you hit this while I was gone,” Sam says as he sets the bottle back down, “I wish you would just talk to me,” his voice is so soft it breaks Dean’s heart.

Dean moves to sit up and all at once his stomach is in his throat. He covers his mouth with his hand as he scrambles of the bed and stumbles to the bathroom. He drops to his knees as he empties his stomach into the toilet.

“Hey,” Sam eases from behind him, “hey, you’re okay,” he says as he runs his fingers through Dean’s hair. Dean’s stomach heaves again and he spits the last of it into the toilet. He sits back against the bathroom wall and looks at the floor.

“You know you don’t have to stay with me, right?” he says quietly.

“What?” Sam says from above him.

“You know you can leave, I’m not forcing you into anything,” Dean says as he looks up at Sam, “right?”

“Dean, of course!” Sam urges as he sits down on the floor next to him, “I wouldn’t ever want to leave you,” he lays his hand on Dean’s thigh, “what’s this about?”

“I’m not forcing you into anything, you’d say no if you didn’t want to, right?” He says as he looks back at the floor, unable to look Sam in the eye.

“Of course I would!” Sam says, “Dean, we shouldn't even have to be having this conversation, you should know I want you like, on me, _all the time_ ,” Dean can hear the smile on Sam’s lips. 

“You were so young,” Dean says as he drops his head into his hands.

“Are you still hung up about the first time we fucked?” Sam asks as he moves his hand up to Dean’s shoulder, “Dean, I had been waiting for that night for _years_ ,” he says as he scoots closer to him, “as soon as I knew what fucking was, I knew I wanted to do it with you. Hell, I was probably seven? When I found that tape in dad’s closet, I didn’t tell you, but I watched it over and over. Imagining what it would be like, you doing those things to me,” he lays his head down on Dean’s shoulder, “I mean, I thought it would be under different circumstances, but I count the second time as our first _real_ time anyway.”

“Sam, I’m sorry,” Dean says quietly.

“Don’t be sorry,” Sam says as he wraps his arms around Dean’s torso, “you were the same age your first time, but at least my first was with someone who loves me,” Sam presses a kiss to Dean’s shoulder and Dean reaches up to cup his cheek in his hand.

“Thanks for being here,” Dean says and Sam leans in and kisses him softly. 

Sam pulls away with his eyebrows furrowed and wipes his mouth on his hand, “you taste like tequila puke.”

...

As he sinks into Sam later that night, he feels the overwhelming weight of the last couple of days start to lift. He closes his eyes and opens up as Sam licks the doubts from his tongue, his mind quiets as he focuses on how _fucking good_ Sam feels wrapped around him, pulling him in. The worst of his insecurities disappear as he comes, spilling deep inside the only person he cares about. 

Dean falls asleep inside Sam, with Sam holding him tight, and sleeps better than he has in awhile.


	26. July 12, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for gun!play and mention of suicide.

Sam jumps as Dean knocks on the window. Dean left him in the car again while he goes off to do whatever to make some money. Sam reaches over and pulls the driver side lock up, Dean opens the door and closes it behind him.

“Check it out,” Dean says with a grin as he reaches into his jacket. He pulls out two guns, they’re beautiful, bright and shining, Sam can see his reflection in the one closest to him.

“Where did you get those?” Sam asks, looking from the guns to Dean and back again.

“Some guy tried to rip me off, so I knocked him out, I found these under his seat in a bag,” Dean says, “there wasn’t any ammo with them, they’re not loaded,” he adds when he sees the look on Sam’s face.

“Is the guy okay?” Sam asks as he reaches out and runs his finger along the cool barrel.

“Sure, he’ll be fine,” Dean answers, “which one do you want?” Sam looks them over, they’re both engraved with an intricate pattern, one has a shimmery pearl grip and the other ivory.

“This one,” Sam says, picking up the pearl one, he’s surprised at how heavy it is, he turns it over in his hands as he looks at it. Dad never let Sam near his guns, he would sit with Dean at the kitchen table and teach Dean all about his guns and how to load them and clean them, and Sam would try to watch from the living room. Those guns were the first thing Dean pawned after dad died.

“Let’s go before the cops show up,” Dean says as he starts the engine.

A few hours later, Dean pulls off on the side of the road and parks for the night. He cuts the engine and turns sideways, leaning his back against the door and resting his right leg on the seat between them. Sam sits up and climbs over to Dean’s side of the seat with his gun in his hand. He settles on Dean’s lap and presses the barrel against Dean’s temple. They both know it isn’t loaded, but that doesn’t stop Dean’s heart from racing in his chest.

“Would you do it if I asked you to?” Dean asks. The air is heavy between them as he waits for his answer.

“As long as there were two bullets,” Sam says, his voice is quiet. The thought of Sam holding his life in his hands like that sends shivers down Dean’s spine. Dean turns his head as he reaches up and takes hold of Sam’s hand holding the gun. He guides Sam’s hand, lowering the barrel to his mouth, and keeps his eyes on Sam as he leans in. Sam watches as Dean slides his tongue against the cool metal.

Dean wraps his lips around the barrel, the sharp taste of metal and chemicals fills his mouth. Sam’s breath hitches, Dean knows Sam can feel what this is doing to him. He tips Sam’s hand up and leans in to run his tongue up the underside of the barrel. Dean’s heart is pounding, he can feel Sam getting hard against his stomach as he takes the barrel into his mouth again. Sam rolls his hips forward, pushing his dick against Dean’s stomach as he rubs his ass down on Dean’s lap.

“Fuck,” Dean sighs as he pulls his eyebrows together and closes his eyes tight. 

He lets go of Sam’s hand and Sam rests the gun on Dean’s shoulder as he unbuttons Sam’s shorts. Sam looks down and watches Dean slide his hand into his shorts and take hold of his dick. Dean runs his hand up it’s length as he guides it out and Sam bites his lip when Dean rubs his thumb against the tip. Dean lets go and unbuttons his own jeans then pulls his fly apart. When he’s out, he drops his hands and looks back up at Sam. Sam scoots forward, pressing against Dean as he leans in and catches Dean’s mouth. Dean melts into the heat of Sam’s skin against his, he rests his hands on Sam’s waist as they roll their hips, sliding against each other. The taste of metal shared between them as they kiss, the gun resting forgotten in Sam’s hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

Sam whimpers against Dean’s lips as he gets closer. He moves his head to rest on Dean’s shoulder as he rolls hips faster. Dean lowers his hands and pulls Sam tighter against him, every drag of Sam’s cock against his pulling him closer to the edge. Sam chokes out a moan as he comes, his body tensing in waves against Dean. When Sam stills, Dean lifts him up, moving forward to lay Sam on his back against the seat. He braces himself above Sam as he grinds down against him. Sam drops the gun on the floorboard as Dean’s pace picks up. Dean sits up on his knees and strokes himself fast until he comes, spilling over Sam’s stomach.

Sam sits up and reaches out to push the hair that has fallen, out of Dean’s face. Dean closes his eyes as Sam runs his fingers through his hair, then takes hold of Sam’s hand and kisses his palm.


	27. August 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for violence and blood mentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by enamourous

Usually, they don’t stay in one place long enough for things to get this fucked.

But Dean’s holding a broken beer bottle covered in blood that isn’t his above his head like a flame and Sam is scared like he hasn’t been in months.

It had all started like these games always did, with a smirk on Sam’s lips and a flash of warning in Dean’s eyes. They’d been hanging around this town for about a week now, sleeping away days in the Impala on the outskirts of city limits and spending nights drinking with the group of bikers camping a little down the road. It didn’t take either of them long to notice the attention Sam was getting from some of the guys there but seeing as Sam got attention everywhere Dean obviously didn’t see it as a good enough reason to turn down free alcohol.

But on this night in particular things were different, because Sam had wanted to be wanted, and the one way he knew to get Dean to want him more than he did any other moment of the day was to show him what his brother looked like being wanted by someone else.

So that’s what he had done, sitting with his legs hanging over the back of a pickup truck bed and letting a guy who’d been looking at him all night move closer as they talked, making sure to keep an eye on Dean, who was watching it all from where he was sitting drinking his fifth beer across the campfire. He had the bottle resting on his lip and from what Sam could see his eyes were as hard, threatening in a way that made his heart jackrabbit in his chest.

Everything had been going fine until the guy leaned forward to run a hand up the inside of Sam’s thigh. When Sam had pushed his hand off of him, he’d grasped his wrists hard and pinned them down to the bed of the pickup, shifting his weight over Sam so he couldn’t move away.

Now the guy is lying on the ground, his blood pooling beneath him and turning the desert dirt a dark red. Dean’s standing over him screaming, cheek already purpling from where he’d gotten a punch in before Dean had broken his beer bottle against the truck and slashed the guy’s face open.

Everyone is frozen around the scene, too stunned to do anything but watch. The light from the campfire is dancing off Dean’s eyes and the bottle in his hand when he tells anyone who wants to come closer that he’s got a bullet with their name on it that he’s more than willing to give to them.

It’s after the guy has stopped moving completely and Dean has returned to kicking his stomach in, that Sam says anything.

“Dean, stop,” He says, but his brother doesn’t, just keeps kicking the guy and spitting out in disjointed words about how he’ll send anyone straight to hell before they touch what’s his.

“Dean, don’t kill him,” Sam says a little louder, mind creating a frenzied prediction of what their physical descriptions will sound like on the news. But Dean isn’t hearing him, and he isn’t stopping. So Sam steps forward and grabs his arm. When Dean wheels around and looks Sam in the face, it’s with an expression that Sam has never seen directed at him before, and in the next second nothing exists but the burning hot pain ripping through his face, searing his vision white.

He falls back onto the ground with the force of Dean’s punch and feels blood from his nose pouring over his fingers, seeing it the next second when his vision returns. Dean is looking down at him, face white and body still.

“Sam,” he says, reaching out to touch him but Sam recoils. He gets to his feet and when he sees Dean reaching for him again he turns and runs, feeling Dean’s fingers just catch on his shirt but not quite hold.

He’s running into the dark, away from Dean yelling his name, and away from the sound of a shot being fired and he doesn’t know if it’s just a warning shot for the other bikers or if it’s more, but he doesn’t care. He’s running back to the Impala and it doesn’t matter that that’s the first place Dean will look it’s the only place he knows to run to.

When he reaches the car he falls against it, clutching his face and wondering if this will be the second time he’s cried since he was standing next to his brother in the hospital and wondering if he’d ever wake up again.

It’s only been a couple of seconds before Sam hears Dean running toward him, and when the footsteps get close enough he looks up to see his brother, chest heaving and face twisted with worry, watching him with the most pained expression Sam has seen him wear.

“Sam,” Dean says, and immediately sinks down to his knees in front of his brother’s legs, pushing them apart and reaching forward to cup Sam’s jaw with both hands before Sam has time to protest. “I’m so sorry, you know I didn’t mean it. Sam I’m so sorry,” Dean says in a rush, leaning forward and kissing Sam through the blood, being careful not to bump his nose.

“I wouldn’t ever. I wasn’t thinking. Don’t want anyone touching you like that,” He continues, speaking in the fevered breathes he take between kisses. “Never hurt you again Sam. Love you so much. Love you more than anything. More than anything.”

When Dean pulls back his eyes are wet.

“I love you,” Sam says quietly, and brushes a thumb gently over Dean’s bottom lip, over the red that’s now painted there. Dean lets out a shaky laugh and Sam can see his blood is darkening the lines of Dean’s teeth as well. “It’s okay.”

Dean leans forward and pushes him more firmly up against the car to kiss him again, harder this time. He’s not as careful now and it hurts where Dean hit him, but he really doesn’t care, because Dean is there and he’s touching him and this is an apology Sam is going to let run its course.


	28. October 7, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for prostitution and IV drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The night air is starting to get cold against Sam’s bare legs as he sits on the stairs outside the motel room they’re staying in. He takes a drag off his cigarette and pulls Dean’s leather jacket tighter around his shoulders as he exhales into the night air. He takes another drag and picks at the chipped pink polish on his finger nails. A cop car goes speeding by and he wonders if it’s an accident or a robbery. He snuffs the last of his cigarette out on the metal grate of the step and lights up another.

The door to their room opens and Sam looks over as Dean steps out onto the walkway. He finishes pulling up his jeans as walks over to where Sam is sitting. Sam passes him the cigarette as Dean sits down next to him.

“Did you have a nice nap?” Sam asks with a smile. Dean puts the cigarette between his teeth and wraps his arm around Sam’s neck. He pulls Sam in close and rubs his knuckles down against Sam’s head and Sam laughs and pushes him off.

“You wear me out, kid,” Dean says as he hands the cigarette back to Sam. Sam grins and takes another drag. “We’re out of money after tonight, this room took the last of it,” Dean says quietly. Sam picks at the hem of Dean’s old t-shirt stretched over his knees as Dean continues, “we’re gonna to need to start working again.”

Sam nods his head as Dean stands, “c’mon, it’s fucking freezing out here,” he says as he holds out a hand for Sam to take.

…

The next afternoon they check out and hit the road with a half a tank of gas and $6 to their name. Dean flips through the stations of static on the radio until he finds the dreamy sound of _Johnny Angel_ coming through clear. Dean glances over at Sam then turns up the volume and starts to sing, “Sammy Angel, how I want him, how I tingle when he passes by-” Sam cracks up and Dean laughs too hard that he has to stop for a moment. Then he continues, “I dream of him and me,” he taps the steering wheel to the beat, “and how it’s gonna be. Other fellas call me up for a date,” he leans over toward Sam, “but I just sit and wait, I’d rather concentrate on Sammy Angel, cause I love him.”

Sam joins in for the rest of the song and when it ends they both laugh.

“Oh! This is a good one too,” Sam says as _Be My Baby_ starts up, “never let you go,” Sam sings along loudly, “so won’t you say you love me,” he reaches out to Dean as he sings the words and strokes Dean’s face, “I’ll make you so proud of me,” Dean leans in toward him as he joins in, “we’ll make ‘em turn their heads, every place we go!” They both finish the song together and their faces start to hurt from smiling.

It’s starting to get dark by the time Dean sees a sign for a truck stop coming up and he glances over at Sam and shrugs his shoulders, Sam shrugs back so Dean pulls off. He drives into the parking lot and finds a spot near the side of the building.

Sam knows the drill by now, he sits while Dean gets out of the car and he watches as Dean walks over to the brick wall of the gas station-restaurant combo. It doesn’t take long before someone approaches him, Sam watches as they talk. After a minute or two, Dean jogs back to the car and opens his door.

“Found a taker,” he says as he sticks his head in, “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Okay,” Sam says with a reluctant smile as Dean shuts the door again. Sam climbs over to Dean’s seat and pushes the lock on the door down. It starts to rain as Sam sits and waits, trying not to think about what Dean’s doing and who it’s with. The temperature drops fast and soon Sam is shivering. He grabs one of the blankets from the backseat and starts the car, he turns the heat up as rain pounds loudly on the metal around him.

After a while he hears a knocking on the window, Dean is soaking wet and waving at him. Sam unlocks Dean’s door and slides over to his side of the seat. Dean gets in and puts his hands up to the heater to warm them.

“How much did you make?” Sam asks, handing Dean the blanket.

“Twenty bucks,” Dean answers as he pulls the damp cash out of his pocket and hands it to Sam. He wraps the blanket around his shoulders and shakes his wet hair out of his face.

“What did he want?” Sam asks, looking Dean over.

“His dick sucked,” Dean says as he rubs his hands together, “nothing special.”

“Oh,” Sam says as he puts the money in his pocket.

“Alright,” Dean says after a few minutes, “I’m going back out. Don’t leave the car.” He hands Sam back the damp blanket and opens his door.

“I won’t,” Sam says as he throws it into the back seat. Dean steps out into the downpour and runs back over to the building. He stands under the awning and waits for a few minutes, then another man approaches him. Sam watches Dean follow the man into the rain and out of sight behind some trucks.

…

The man unlocks the passenger side door and Dean gets in as the man climbs into his side of the cab.

“So what’ll it be?” Dean asks, covering his mouth with his hands and breathing into them to warm them.

“Fifty bucks for a fuck?” The man asks, pulling off his coat.

“Make it sixty and you got it,” Dean answers, fully ready to accept fifty if the man says no.

“Deal,” the man says and pulls out his wallet. He hands Dean a twenty and says “you’ll get the rest after.”

“That’s not how this works, pal,” Dean huffs.

“I know better than to trust lot lizards, do you want the money or not?” the man asks, tucking his wallet back into his pocket.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean says.

When the man is finished he pulls out and flops back down in the driver’s seat. He pulls his sticky condom off then rolls his window down a few inches and tosses it out onto the ground. He tucks himself back into his jeans and zips up, then pulls his wallet out and hands Dean the twenties. Dean pockets the cash as the man reaches under his seat and pulls out a little black bag.

“Want a hit?” the man asks as he unzips it.

Dean stares over at the needles. His skin starts to itch everywhere, he can feel himself starting to sweat. Every part of his body aches with want. His brain telling him yes, yes, YES. It takes every bit of willpower he has to look away.

“No,” he says and it physically hurts, “I will take a cigarette though,” he adds.

“Suit yourself,” the man says as he pulls his pack out from under the sun visor and tosses it to Dean. Dean takes one out and pulls his lighter out of his pocket to light it.

….

Dean runs back to the car and knocks on the window, Sam lets him back in and Dean shuts the door behind him.

“Here,” Dean says handing Sam the money. He puts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking spot without looking at Sam.

“You okay?” Sam asks as he sits up.

“Honestly? Not really,” Dean says, as he pulls onto the main road. Sam scoots closer to him.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” Sam asks as panic starts to rise, memories of Dean being taken to the emergency room come flooding back.

“I wanted it, Sam, so bad,” Dean says quietly, keeping his eyes on the road, “I could feel it in my veins.”

“But you didn’t, right?” Sam asks, knowing exactly what Dean is talking about, without him having to say it.

“No, _but fuck, Sam_ -” Dean says and hits the steering wheel with his palm.

“Hey,” Sam says as he puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “you can do this,” he continues as he leans over and kisses Dean’s cheek. Dean moves his hand over and rests it on Sam’s knee and squeezes, and Sam knows it’s all going to be alright.

“At least we have enough for a room for the night,” Sam says counting the money.

“What do you say we fill up the tank and park somewhere for the night,” he says as he glances over at Sam, “we’ve got blankets and body heat. It won’t be so bad,”

“Okay,” Sam says with a smile.


	29. September 6, 1997

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for mentions of past rape.

It’s raining, the sky is dark angry gray and the trees surrounding the parking lot are leaning in the wind. Sam watches a red van pull in from the highway, it has a plastic container strapped to the top and another on the back. The doors open and a family of five step out into the storm with their coats pulled up over their heads. They run into the small building and Sam turns back to watching Dean.

He’s talking to a man against the brick wall under the awning. Sam can see him behind the water streaming out of the overflowing gutters. Sam rolls his eyes with a sigh and lays down across the seat, he picks at his sweater as he watches the water stream down the glass around him.

…

They wait for the family to leave before the walk into the bathroom together. The man lays the money down on one of the sinks on the wall and waists no time. Dean leans back against a sink as the man kisses his neck and fumbles with his belt. He focuses on the yellow tiles on the wall and as the man moves his dry lips over his jaw. Dean keeps his hands planted on the porcelain of this sink as he moves his head away to give the man more room. The man steps back with a groan as he pulls his fly apart.

He puts his hands on Dean’s shoulders and pushes him to his knees. Dean looks up at the man through wet hair and opens his mouth. The man reaches into his fly and pulls his dick out and Dean closes his eyes as he tries his best to be good for the money. He focuses on his breathing as the man fucks his mouth, his jaw is starting to hurt when the man suddenly pulls out. Dean opens his eyes and looks up at him again. The man pulls him up by his collar and spins him around before Dean can protest. He pushes Dean down against the sink and Dean’s face hits the cold porcelain. Panic starts to rise in him, his stomach is in his throat and he starts to shake as memories he’s tried so hard to forget come flooding back.

The man yanks his jeans down and Dean is right back in that filthy bar bathroom. He whips around and his fist connects with the man’s face and he stumbles back holding his nose. Dean pulls his gun out of the pocket in his jacket and points it at the man’s head. His hand shakes as he rests his finger on the trigger. The man grabs the money and leaves the bathroom, cursing Dean under his breath. Dean slides down the wall between the sinks and gasps for breath as he looks up at the ceiling. He drops the gun and the sound of it echos off the tiled walls around him. His heart is pounding in his chest and he feels like he’s going to pass out. He closes his eyes tight and drops his head into his hands as he tries to calm himself.

…

Dean’s been gone longer than usual. Sam sits up and looks around, the man’s car is gone and he doesn’t see Dean anywhere. He starts going through all the possibilities of horrible things that could have happened as he opens the car door. He runs out into the rain toward the building.

“Dean!” he yells as he rounds the corner into the bathroom. He stops when he sees Dean sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, his gun on the floor next to him.

“Are you okay?” he asks as he rushes forward, fearing the worst. He touches Dean’s shoulder and Dean jolts. Sam moves back for a moment then reaches out again, he’s shaking.

“Hey,” he says quietly, “hey, I’m here, you’re okay,” he sits down next to Dean and puts his arm around him. Dean leans into him, he’s quiet for a moment then Sam feels his shoulders start to shudder. Sam swipes his thumb through the tears streaming down Dean’s cheeks then pulls Dean’s face in close to his chest and Dean clings to him as he sobs.

Sam doesn’t know how long it’s been when Dean stills, he wipes his nose on his sleeve and then holds onto Sam again. They sit in silence for a while longer, he kisses the top of Dean’s head and then rests his cheek against Dean’s damp hair.

“I’m sorry,” Dean says quietly against Sam’s chest and Sam shushes him, “I almost killed him.”

“What did he do?” Sam asks, as he sits back to look at Dean.

“Nothing,” Dean admits, “he didn’t do anything. I just,” he rubs his hand down his face and grabs his gun from the floor, “I’m fine, let’s get out of here.” Sam knows it’s a lie, but he doesn’t want to press it if Dean doesn’t want to talk.

“Okay,” Sam says as he stands, he offers Dean his hand to help him up and Dean glances up at him then back down and takes it. Dean pulls his jeans up and buckles his belt, he tucks his gun into his waistband and Sam follows him back into the rain.


	30. March 22, 1998

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

“Let’s go to the beach,” Sam says out of nowhere.

They’re laying next to each other on twin mattresses pushed together on the floor of a vacant house they found. The house looks like it was built in the forties and hasn’t been renovated since the seventies. The wallpaper is peeling from the walls around them and there are water stains on the ceiling. Cool blue afternoon light is coming in through the window and Dean can see the grey overcast sky through the open blinds.

“Not exactly beach weather,” Dean says as he props himself up on his elbow to look at Sam, perfectly content to stay in bed with him all day.

“It’s warm enough out,” Sam says, climbing off the mattress, Dean watches him silently as Sam pulls on a pair of jeans, “c’mon, it’ll be fun,” he says with a smile as he turns back to Dean.

Dean watches as Sam digs through one of their duffels for a clean t-shirt, “are you sure you don’t want to stay in bed a little longer?” Dean asks as he lays back and pulls the blanket up to his chin.

Sam straightens up and pulls his t-shirt on, he walks over and steps on either side of Dean’s waist then drops down to his knees, “it’ll be fun,” Sam sings as he leans in close, hovering above Dean.

Dean looks up at Sam for a moment, his eyes are bright and shining and Dean can see the excitement in them. He leans in and kisses the tip of Sam’s nose and Sam laughs.

“Yeah alright, let’s go,” Dean yawns as he stretches, “now get off me so I can get dressed,” he says with a smile.

…

They throw some towels and blankets in the back seat and take off. They stop for breakfast on the way and it’s late afternoon by the time they pull into the parking lot.

The beach is pretty empty, but considering it’s overcast and pretty cool out, Dean is surprised there’s anyone here at all. They walk down on the sand side by side, past a few scattered people until they find a huge unclaimed log half buried in the sand. Dean lays their towels across the log and sits down to unlace his boots.

“This place is really beautiful,” Sam says as he kicks his sneakers off. The wind is starting to pick up now, small waves are breaking on the sand in front of them and Dean notices the people nearest to them packing up their stuff.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice,” Dean admits as he tucks his socks into his boots. He rolls the hem of his jeans up just a little and the sand feels cool against his feet as he digs his toes in.

He follows behind Sam as they make their way down to the water’s edge, picking up sand dollars and other shells they find along the way. They poke at anemones and sea stars in the tide pools and splash around in the shallow streams flowing through the sand into the ocean. Dean watches Sam as he crouches down to look at the tiny fish swimming around if the pool below him and smiles to himself.

When he feels the first drop of rain fall on his cheek, he looks up at the darkening sky. He keeps his face turned up and closes his eyes as the rain begins to fall around them. The rest of the people on the beach hurry to gather their things and make it back to their cars before they get too wet. As the rain picks up he looks back at Sam, standing in the sand shaking his dampening hair out of his face.

“Come on,” Sam yells over the sounds of the rain and waves.

He runs into the ocean and dives in, Dean is waist deep by the time he surfaces. He shakes his head, his hair clings to his skin across his smiling face and Dean can’t help but smile back. Thunder cracks in the distance as Sam swims out farther and Dean follows.They bob up and down as the waves pass and break on the sand. Sam turns his face up and closes his eyes as the rain hits him. Dean swims up next to him and slides his hand across Sam’s skin, pushing his fingers into the hair behind Sam’s ear. Sam opens his eyes as Dean leans in to kiss him and closes them again as he opens up to it. He uses his arms to keep them afloat as Dean cradles his face, he brushes his lips against Sam’s, soft and open, then pulls back.

The temperature is dropping fast as they swim and Sam starts to shiver. A bolt of lightning lights up the sky around them, followed by another booming clap of thunder.

“Ready to go back?” Dean asks and Sam nods his head, guessing it’s probably a good idea before they get fried. They make their way out of the water and back up the beach to gather their soaked things. They run back up to the car and throw their towels and shoes into a wet heap on the floorboard. Dean opens up the door to the back seat and lays the blankets out as Sam strips out of his soaked clothes. Sam climbs in and shivers as Dean pulls his clothes off. Lightning flashes as he and gathers up their clothes and throws them in with the towels. Dean climbs in next to Sam and shuts the door behind him.

Sam pulls one of the blankets up and holds it open, Dean scoots next to him and Sam wraps the blanket around both of them. Lightning lights up the car and Sam lets out a laugh.

“Should have stayed in bed,” he says through chattering teeth.

“It’s not so bad,” Dean says against Sam’s shoulder. He brushes his fingertips across Sam’s stomach and Sam feels a flutter low in his gut. Dean presses a soft kiss to his shoulder and Sam lets out a hum of approval as he guides Dean’s hand lower. He turns his head to catch Dean’s lips and the blanket falls around their waists as Dean reaches up to cradle Sam’s jaw. Sam turns as they kiss, resting his back against the door and Dean pulls away as Sam slides down until he’s laying on his back. His hair drips onto Sam’s skin as he hovers above him and Sam can feel him hard and warm against his hip.

Dean brushes Sam’s wet hair away from his face as he looks down at him, he smiles softly and Sam melts. He bites his lip and pulls Dean down to him, catching Dean’s mouth as Dean rubs against him. He pants against Dean’s lips between hungry kisses as they roll their hips together. Rain pounds against the fogged up windows and the air around them is thick and heavy. Sam’s hands slip through the layer of water and sweat on Dean’s skin as he struggles for grip.

Sam’s head drops back against the seat and he shuts his eyes, he digs his nails into Dean’s skin as he comes. He pulls his eyebrows together, his mouth hanging open as he looks up at Dean. His body shakes as Dean slides against his sensitive skin, again and again.

“Fuck,” Dean breathes out as he drops down to his elbows and picks up his pace. Sam wraps his arms around his shoulders, holding him tight as he soaks in the heat of Dean’s body against his. Dean pants against Sam’s jaw as he comes, he stills his hips and reaches down to run his fingers through the mess on Sam’s stomach. He sucks his fingers into his mouth, licking their come from his skin then leans down and catches Sam’s waiting mouth. Sam kisses the taste of them from Dean’s tongue like he’s starving for it.

Dean settles down on his side against Sam’s back, he pulls the blanket up over them and kisses Sam’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around Sam and Sam laces his fingers in Dean’s. They fall asleep together to the sound of rain hitting metal and glass.


	31. June 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The soda fountain was colorful, brightly lit, and apart from a family sitting in the corner booth, empty. From what they could see, the only person working was a kid not more than two years older than Sam. He had a white button down and black bow tie on and smiled wide at them as they walked through the door. They walked over to the counter and stood, looking up at the menu board.

Sam was standing next to Dean, leaning his weight on the counter. Dean reached over and ran his fingertips across the bare skin of Sam’s leg. Playing at the frayed edge of Sam’s tiny denim shorts.

The kid, his name tag said Teddy, asked what he could get for them.

“What do you think, Sam?” Dean asked as he looked over to his brother.

“You decide,” Sam said and bit down on the tip of his thumb.

“Alright, I’ll take a root beer float, and he’ll have a strawberry milkshake-” Dean gestured at Sam.

“With extra whipped cream,” Sam cut in, looking at Teddy with a grin.

“One root beer float and one strawberry milkshake, with extra whipped cream,” Teddy repeated and smiled back at Sam, “be right up.” Dean slid his fingers between Sam’s thighs and rubbed his thumb over the back of Sam’s leg.

“This place is really cool,” Sam said as he looked around.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, “I didn’t think they even had places like this anymore.” The family in the back booth got up to leave and Dean watched as they glanced down to where his hand disappeared between Sam’s thighs, as they walked out.

“Here you are,” Teddy smiled as he set their drinks down.

“Looks great,” Sam said, biting his lip.

Dean saw Teddy blush slightly as he watched Sam dip his finger into the whipped cream and suck it into his mouth. He pushed his fingers up under the leg of Sam’s shorts and rubbed at the soft skin of Sam’s balls, making Sam hum around his straw.

“So Teddy,” Dean cleared his throat, “how do you like being a soda jerk?”

Sam let out a small moan.

“I like it alright, it’s a pretty nice job,” Teddy answered.

“Yeah? Is that the only thing you like to jerk? Soda?” Dean asked.

“I- what? That’s-” Teddy stuttered.

“Relax, kid. It was a joke,” Dean laughed. Teddy did his best to laugh with him and then turned to walk into the back room. Dean leaned closer to Sam.

“Want me to suck you off under this counter while you finish your milkshake?” Dean whispered, brushing his lips against Sam’s ear.

“Fuck,” Sam huffed as Dean dropped to his knees. Dean unbuttoned Sam’s shorts and pulled his dick out as he heard the door to the back room open again.

“Where’d your friend go?” Teddy asked.

“He’s not my friend,” Sam smiled, “he’s my big brother. He’ll be ba-ack”

“Oh,” Teddy said as he wiped down the counter.

“Sorry about that, he just-ah saw you looking at me,” Sam said, biting his lip as Dean worked his mouth over his dick. Sam rolled his hips slightly and watched Teddy as he busied himself with wiping down the equipment.

“Do you like boys, Teddy?” Sam asked after a long silence. The wet sounds of Dean’s mouth and his muffled moans covered by the hum of the machines.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Teddy blushed and answered without looking up.

Sam choked out a moan and Teddy looked up at him.

“I like getting fucked, Teddy,” Sam whimpered, “I love how-ahh,” he moaned, “I love how good it feels to be full of cock.”

“Oh God,” Teddy said under his breath and stopped what he was going, “are you- are you okay?” he asked.

“I love getting filled up,” Sam panted, “I love how come feels dripping down my thighs.”

Teddy let out a tiny whimper.

“Are you turned on, Teddy?” Sam choked out, “do you wa-ah ah-” Sam froze up and his eyes fluttered shut, mouth held open,coming onto Dean’s tongue, “fuck,” he sighed. Teddy just stood behind the counter and watched Sam with wide eyes. Dean stood up and looked Teddy as he wiped his mouth and licked his lips.

“Want me to suck you off too? While Sam watches?” Dean asked as he adjusted his own hard dick. Teddy looked back and forth between the two of them.

“I uh- I,” he stuttered.

“Fuck off,” Dean growled and slapped some money on the counter. He leaned over and tipped Sam’s chin up and kissed him.

“Have a good night, Teddy. I’m going to get fucked,” Sam said with a smile and followed Dean out.


	32. April 19, 1998

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


Dean leaves the convenience store with a six pack of Miller, a couple packs of smokes to replenish their stash, and a few snacks shoved into a doubled plastic bag. The door dings as he walks through it and a group of young girls pass him, heading in. He walks around the back of the building and sits down against the concrete wall. He pulls one of the packs out of the bag and his lighter out of his pocket. Cars pass on the busy road and he cracks open one of the cans.

He sits and watches the world pass, regular people going about their morning routines, he finishes the can and drops the butt of his cigarette into it. The sound of the can hitting the metal floor of the empty dumpster next to him echos off it’s walls. As he stands he hears a squeaky noise over the traffic across the parking lot and looks around, he gets down on his hands and knees and looks under the dumpster. Next to a tied off shopping bag of trash is a tiny kitten, dirty and scared. He reaches under and pulls it out. It looks up at him with huge eyes and meows again. 

He smiles down at it and scratches its head with his finger. It’s shaking slightly, Dean doesn’t know if it’s from fear or cold, so he tucks it into the pocket of his hoodie and cradles it with one hand as he walks back to their motel. He unlocks the door and steps into their still dark room. The shower is running and Dean sets the groceries on the table and sits down on the mattress to wait.

After a few minutes, Sam steps out, wiping himself down with a towel. He stops when he sees Dean smiling at him.

“What?” Sam asks, unsure what Dean has on his mind. Dean reaches into his pocket and pulls out the tiny ball of dirty fur. Sam drops the towel with an excited gasp and runs over to Dean. He drops down to his knees in front of Dean’s lap and reaches up, he looks from the kitten to Dean and Dean hasn’t seen Sam this excited about something in a long time. He smiles down at him and hands him the kitten. 

“Oh my God,” Sam whispers, “where did you find her?” he asks, looking back up at Dean as he tucks the kitten against his bare chest. 

“Under a dumpster, behind a gas station,” Dean answers as he reaches out and scratches the kitten’s ear, “I stopped for breakfast and it yelled at me.” Sam brings the kitten up to his face and rubs his cheek against it’s tiny head.

“Maybe you should give it a bath before you get pink eye or something,” Dean suggests as Sam nuzzles it. Sam stands up and coos at the kitten as he walks into the bathroom. He runs the sink water until it’s warm enough and reaches for one of the washcloths on the side of the tub. He sticks it under the water and holds the kitten out as he wipes it down gently, rinsing the washcloth off between strokes. The kitten meows, but doesn’t try to get away. When he’s happy with the bath, he wraps it in a towel and brings it back out to Dean.

“All clean,” he says holding it out, “she needs a name,” he adds pulling it back against him. 

“How do you know it’s a girl?” Dean asks, “maybe it’s a tough little dude, we could name it Dumpster,” Dean grins at him and Sam laughs.

“How about Sugar,” Sam asks, holding the damp kitten up to his face, “you like that, Sugar?” Sam always liked the name, Dean called him it once in awhile and it always gave him butterflies, “yeah,” he continues, “Sugar will fit you nicely.”

“Sugar it is,” Dean says as Sam climbs onto their bed. He sets Sugar on the blanket between them and scratches his finger against the fabric. Sugar stands still for a moment then leaps onto his finger, she bites him and Sam laughs as he pulls his hand back. 

“She got me,” he says, smiling up at Dean. Dean smiles back and pets Sugar, happy Sam is happy, “do you think she’s hungry?” Sam asks, suddenly serious as he looks at Dean.

“Probably,” Dean says as he sits up, “put on some clothes and we’ll go get some food.” Sam smiles as he slides off the bed and grabs his clothes off the floor from the night before.

“I’ll make her a bed to sleep in while we’re gone,” he says as he bunches the blanket up into a small nest and sets Sugar in the middle, “you be good okay?” he says quietly as he kisses the top of her head, “we’ll be right back.” Dean locks the door behind them and Sam follows him out into the parking lot.

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Sam asks as they round the corner of the building, onto the sidewalk.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine, probably be passed out when we get back,” Dean answers as they walk. Sam walks so close to him that he bumps into him every few steps and Dean looks over to him and smiles. The kid is as sweet as candy and twice as good, Dean is grateful that after everything Sam’s been through, he still sees the world as a beautiful place. They grab a couple of orders to go, Dean carries the food while Sam holds their milkshakes in either hand.

Back in the room, Sam climbs onto the bed, Sugar is sleeping where he left her, curled into a tiny ball. He touches her back gently, trying not to wake her, as Dean watches Sam from the side of the bed and his heart flutters. 

“Here,” he says quietly as he hands Sam the bag of food and his milkshake. He climbs onto the bed with Sam and rests his back against the headboard. Sam opens the bag and pulls out Dean’s burger and hands it to him. He takes his own burger out and sets it in his lap, then pulls their fries out. He smashes the bag down flat between them and dumps the fries onto it.

Sugar stirs at the noise and Sam picks her up and sets her in his lap, he pulls little pieces of meat from his burger and feeds them to her as they eat. Dean can hear her purring and he chuckles around a mouthful of food. Sam pulls his straw from his milkshake and offers it to the kitten, she sniffs it for a second then licks it.

“She likes milkshakes!” he says, smiling over at Dean. 

“You two were meant for each other,”


	33. July 17, 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for underage prostitution and recreational drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

“Haven’t seen you around here before,” a girl says softly as she steps up next to Sam. She crosses one leg in front of the other as she leans against the railing of the steps he’s sitting on. They’re outside a motel on the outskirts of town, the parking lot in front of them is mostly empty and it’s warm in the shade of the awning above them. Sam looks up at her from under his bangs, she’s young, probably around his age. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail with a purple scrunchy. She’s wearing denim shorts and a tank top stretched tight around her very pregnant stomach.

“We’re just blowing through,” Sam says as he smiles up at her, he scoots over on the steps to make room for her to sit down and taps the ash off his cigarette onto the pavement.

“You got another one of those?” she asks as she sits down next to him and Sam nods. He pulls the soft pack out of his pocket and hands her a cigarette, “you got a light?” she asks with a smile as she places the cigarette between her lips. Sam hands her his lighter and takes a drag as he watches her light up.

“Joe says it’s bad for the baby but I just can’t stop, you know?” She says around the cigarette as she hands Sam back his lighter.

“Is Joe the father?” Sam asks, tucking his lighter back into his pocket. She blows smoke out of her parted lips and taps the ash off.

“Yeah,” she says as she takes another drag, “he’s my boyfriend,” she continues after a pause, “he says he’s gonna marry me after the baby’s born, take real good care of me. But I think he’s lyin’. Anyway, who’s the guy you’re with? The one with the tattoos, I saw you two check in together. You working for him?”

“He’s my,” Sam says before pausing, “boyfriend,” he lies, not wanting to push away the company he’s grateful for with the truth. She looks at him and nods her head in understanding.

“Joe wont let me work anymore,” she says as she crosses her legs in front of her, “not that I’m very popular at the moment,” she snorts, gesturing at her stomach. They’re quiet for a moment then she continues, “or will be after, nobody wants a trick with stretchmarks or a fucked up pussy,” she taps the ash off her cigarette onto the pavement between them, “not that you have to worry about that,” she says with a laugh as she smiles over at him.

“Dean doesn’t let me work either,” Sam says as a car pulls into the parking lot, “but it’s just because he doesn’t want other people touching me, like I’m some precious fucking doll or something.”

“Possessive huh?” she asks, “my first boyfriend was like that too, he liked to show me how much he loved me with the back of his hand.”

“That’s awful,” Sam says as he pulls his knees up to his chest.

“Yeah, Joe’s not much better, but at least he’s got a job,” she shrugs, “he takes care of me,” she pauses for a moment, “that’s more than most of us get,” she looks over to Sam and smiles.

Sam looks at her for a moment, she has an innocent face and a warmth about her, it’s hard to imagine her having to do the things they do, or worse, “my name is Sam, by the way,” he says as he holds out his hand.

“Sharon,” she says as she takes his hand and shakes it, “sorry I’m kind of dumping my life story on you,” she continues, “I just don’t get out much anymore.”

“I don’t mind,” Sam smiles as he flicks the last of his cigarette onto the pavement.

“So what about you? How’d you meet, Dean? Was that his name?” She asks.

Sam thinks up different answers, lies, stories, and settles on, “I’ve known him since I was a kid.”

“Do you love him?” she asks and Sam looks over at her, surprised by the question. He wonders if she loves Joe, or if maybe love is a luxury she can’t afford.

“More than anything,” Sam answers as he crosses his arms on his knees, “that probably sounds stupid,” he huffs as he sets his chin on his arms.

“It’s not stupid,” she says shaking her head, “I think it’s cute,” she smiles at him and nudges him with her elbow, “do you want to go get some food? There’s a fast food place down the street.”

Sam looks back to their room, Dean’s probably still passed out, he drank about a half a bottle of bourbon before they fucked and almost didn’t make it through, “yeah, sure,” he says as he stands up. He offers her his hand and she takes it as she stands.

They check out the menu as they wait in line, the place is about half full and smells amazing.

“What can I get for you?” the boy at the counter asks as the step up. He’s around Dean’s age, eighteen or nineteen Sam guesses. His hair is dark, almost black, tucked under a little paper hat. He’s looking at Sam, there is a little color rising in his cheeks, Sam knows the look well.

“I can think of a few things,” he says before he can stop himself. The boy laughs and his blush deepens, Sam’s got a bite.

The boy leans in closer, “food wise, since I’m on the clock,” he gestures to the kitchen behind him.

“Oh, well in that case, I’ll take a tub of curly fries and a coke,” Sam says and Sharon nudges him, he looks over at her and she’s smiling at him.

“What size, small?” the boy asks.

“I prefer bigger” Sam says with a smile and the boy huffs out a laugh as he punches in the order.

“And for you?” the boy asks as he turns to Sharon.

“I’ll take a number five, large, and a chili cheese fries,” she says as she pulls her money out of her pocket.

“No, I got it,” Sam says as he blocks her hand with his. He takes his money out of his pocket and hands it to the boy. Sharon thanks him as she tucks her money back into her pocket.

“Okay, what’s your name?” the boy asks, “for the order,” he adds.

“Sam,” he says as the boy writes it down, “what’s yours?”

“Chris,” he says with a grin.

“He sure has a hard on for you,” Sharon says as they take their seats and Sam laughs.

“Yeah,” Sam agrees. Chris is probably the kind of kid who plays ‘gay chicken’ with his friends and takes it too far, he probably dates girls and beats it to dudes fucking.

“I bet you could make some money off him,” she says, testing the waters.

“Yeah probably,” Sam snorts, “he looks like he needs a good dick sucking.”

“So,” she draws the word out as she waits for Sam to get it, “why don’t you suck it,” she finishes, when Sam takes too long.

“Oh, no,” Sam shakes his head, “I couldn’t, Dean-”

“Dean what? He’s not here, right? It’s just a blowjob, who cares?” She pushes as Sam looks back over to Chris behind the counter. She’s right, it’s practically nothing, just a way to make some money.

“I can’t,” he decides, Dean would be pissed.

“At least try it once,” she says and then leans in close, “nobody has to know.” Sam goes over it in his head, why not? What’s the worst that could happen?

“Okay,” he says and she sits back with a grin on her face. Chris brings them out their order personally, and Sam thinks the effort is cute.

“Here you go,” he says as he sets the tray down, “can I get you anything else?”

“Hey Chris?” Sam asks as he touches Chris’ hand, “what time do you get off?”

“I’ve got a lunch break in an hour,” he says as he flushes red.

“It’s a date,” Sam says as he wraps his lips around his straw suggestively. As they eat, Sam notices Chris looking at him periodically. When they finish, Sam empties their tray in the trash and he and Sharon walk around to the back of the building to wait. As they sit, he starts to get nervous. He’s never messed around with anyone but Dean before, he wonders if he’s even capable of it. He wonders if Dean is up yet, if he’s freaking out trying to find him, he convinces himself he’s still passed out and everything is fine. He tells himself it’s not cheating if it’s for money, Dean does it all the time.

Out of nowhere, the back door to the restaurant opens and Chris steps out. He takes his apron off as he walks up to them.

“Want to hang out in my car?” he asks and Sam can tell he’s a little nervous too, it makes Sam feel better.

“Sure,” Sharon says. She walks next to Chris as they make their way across the parking lot, Sam lags behind and watches Sharon whisper something to him. He glances back at Sam and then nods to her and Sam’s stomach flutters with nerves again. They get into Chris’s car, Sharon takes the back and Sam sits in the passenger seat.

Chris turns on the radio and _If It Makes You Happy_ plays softly over the crackle of static, “oh I love this song!” Sharon exclaims from behind them and Chris leans over to open his glove box. He pulls out a joint and a lighter and lights up. He coughs as he exhales and passes it to Sam, Sam nods his head in thanks and takes a long drag. He passes it back to Chris and he offers it to Sharon.

“No thanks,” she says as she lays back in the seat, she puts her feet up against the window as they smoke. After a while, Sam starts to feel it, the familiar floating feeling he’s grown to love, the giddiness that makes everything better.

Chris slides a twenty across the seat to him and Sam looks at the money then back up at him. He’s blushing up to his ears, it reminds Sam of Dean and he can’t help but smile to himself. He guesses this is probably Chris’ first time paying for it, much less paying a boy for it. He takes the money and tucks it into his pocket. Sam closes the space between them as Chris unbuttons his jeans and pulls his fly apart. Sam starts the show, he bites his lip as he slides his hand into Chris’ boxers. He’s smaller than Dean, which Sam is happy for, _easy money_ , he thinks to himself.

Sam pulls Chris’ dick out and leans down, he wraps his lips around the head and Chris gasps like he burnt him. He tastes different than Dean, not bad, just different. Sam sucks him to the base and Chris buries a hand in Sam’s hair, the other holding tight to the steering wheel. He lets out breathy moans above him and bucks his hips up, pushing deeper into Sam’s throat. Several songs Sam doesn’t recognize pass as he works. He swallows around him and Chris whimpers, he clutches the back of Sam’s head and Sam pulls back as he comes on his tongue. He sucks him through it and Chris pants as Sam sits up.

He moves back over to the passenger seat and opens the door, he spits Chris’s load onto the pavement and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. Chris says something Sam doesn’t hear as he reaches into the glove box and pulls out some napkins. He hands one to Sam and wipes himself off with the others.

“Do you,” Chris starts as he tucks himself back into his jeans, “you want me to do anything for you?” Sam wants to laugh, but he appreciates the offer, he thinks Chris genuinely means it.

“Naw,” Sam says, “but maybe I’ll come back another time and _ride_ your cock instead?” he lies and bites his lip again just to make it better.

“Fuck,” Chris whispers under his breath, he looks Sam up and down, “I have to get back to work,” he adds. They climb out of his car and Sharon smiles at him.

“How was it?” she asks with a nudge to Sam’s side.

“I don’t know,” Sam shrugs, “it was fine, I guess.” It’s the truth but his stomach aches with guilt like he’s done something bad he can never take back.

They walk back to the motel together and Sam braces himself for the worst. Their car is still in the same parking spot and Sam lets out a sigh of relief, maybe Dean never needs to know.

“I should get back,” Sam says as they get to the stairs, “thanks for hanging out though, it was nice.”

“Hey, thank _you_.” she smiles, “and thanks for dinner, I owe you one.”

He walks up the stairs to their room and opens the door. He smiles to himself as he sees Dean, still naked on the bed, lying on his stomach right where Sam left him. Sam strips out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed, happy to be home. He settles between Dean’s spread legs and pulls his cheeks apart with his hands on either side. He leans in and runs his tongue against Dean’s hole, making hungry noises against Dean’s skin as he licks. Dean lets out a happy hum as he stirs, Sam sits up as Dean turns half over to look at him with one eye. His hair’s a mess, sticking up all over and there’s dried saliva on his cheek.

“Hey,” he says in a sleep rough voice as he tries to focus on Sam.

“Hey” Sam says back as he wipes his mouth on his hand. Debating whether or not to say anything about earlier.

“What time is it?” Dean asks.

“7:30” Sam answers as Dean turns over the rest of the way to look at the clock.

“Shit,” Dean groans as he reaches down and tugs on his hard dick once, “must’ve passed out.”

“Yeah, I had to finish myself off, jerk,” Sam says with a laugh.

“Oh fuck, sorry,” Dean says, he rubs his eyes and yawns, “I can make it up to you,” he continues with a sleepy smile and Sam’s stomach sinks. It’ll hang over him forever if he doesn’t confess.

“Hey, Dean? There’s something I need to tell you,” he says as he climbs on top of Dean and settles on his dick.

“Yeah?” Dean asks as he rolls his hips a little, sliding it up against Sam.

“While you were passed out, I met a girl,” he starts and Dean perks up, suddenly more interested in Sam’s story than fucking, “we got to talking, she fucks for money too, and I mentioned that you don’t want other people touching me,” Dean sits up on his elbows, his eyes are dark and Sam pauses, maybe this is a bad idea.

“What did you do?” Dean asks and Sam can’t look at him, he looks down and plays with the trail of hair on Dean’s stomach.

“Well, she had the idea that maybe I should just try it and see, you know?” he says quietly.

“Try what, Sam?” Dean asks, and Sam feels his stomach in his throat as he thinks up what to say.

“I sucked a kid’s dick for $20,” Sam admits, almost stumbling over the words.

“What kid?” Dean asks in a pointed tone.

“He works at the burger place down the street,” Dean pushes Sam off of him and Sam lands on the bed next to him. Dean gets up and slaps the lamp off the bedside table, Sam jumps as it crashes to the floor and his heart races as he waits for Dean to let him have it.

“Did he touch you?” Dean asks, standing at the other side of the bed, his tone is calm and it scares Sam more than yelling.

“No, not at all,” Sam stutters out, “it was quick and then we left.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him,” Dean decides, he grabs his jeans off the floor and starts to pull them on.

“Dean, stop. You’re still drunk okay? You’re going to do something stupid,” Sam says as he gets off the bed and steps over to Dean. He puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder and Dean swats it away. Something in Sam snaps.

“It was just a blow-job Dean!” Sam yells, “how is that any worse than what you do? You let anyone fuck you for a buck! You never stop and wonder how that makes me feel?”

“It’s different Sam,” Dean says without looking at him.

“Yeah, it is!” Sam yells back, “what I did is nothing compared to what you do!” He’s pissed, Dean has a lot of fucking nerve.

“You deserve better!” Dean yells and Sam is taken aback, “I’m nothing, Sam, I get used up and thrown out, and it’s fine for me! It’s what I’m good for, but you-” he stops and drops his hands to his side, “you’re better than that,” he adds, “you’re better than letting those sick fucks touch you.”

“Then so are you,” Sam insists.

“Sam,” Dean starts then pauses, his expression changes and Sam can see a sadness in his eyes, “you have no idea what I’ve done, what I’ve let them do to me. I don’t want you to go through that,” he says quietly as he sits back down on the mattress, “not ever.”

Sam’s heart sinks, he always thought it was about jealousy, Dean had to have him all for himself. It never crossed his mind that Dean was trying to protect him.

“Okay,” Sam says, climbing onto Dean’s lap, “okay, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,” he whispers against Dean’s lips, “I’m sorry.” Dean reaches up and cradles Sam’s jaw in his hands as he kisses him, trying to get across everything he’s feeling but unable to say.


	34. August 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex and implied recreational drug use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The rain stopped, everything is shining and lights are reflecting all around them. They’re standing on a street corner, watching the occasional car pass by. Every so often a car will pull into the convenience store behind them. The street lamp they’re beneath covers everything in a sick yellow glow. 

Dean is standing behind Sam with one of his hands on Sam’s hip. The other pushed up under Sam’s thin t-shirt, rubbing the warm skin of his stomach. Sometimes higher to brush his fingertips across Sam’s nipple. Sam’s head rests against Dean’s shoulder, eyes closed, moving with him as Dean sways. Everything is slow and Sam feels like he’s floating. Dean’s arms are his only anchor to Earth, if it wasn’t for him he’d dry up and blow away.

Sam turns his head away, giving Dean more room as he lazily kisses his neck. Even though his arms feel heavy, he raises a hand to run his fingers through Dean’s hair. He feels Dean’s lips against his skin as he whispers into his ear, making him shudder. Sam turns his head to reach Dean’s lips and kisses him, it’s slow and clumsy, and perfect. Dean slides his hand down Sam’s stomach and tucks his fingers into the waistband of Sam’s shorts. Keeping them there as he kisses him.

Sam shifts in his worn cowboy boots as he reaches down and pushes Dean’s hand farther in. Dean hums into Sam’s mouth and rubs his fingers along Sam’s smooth skin, barely skimming the base of his dick. Sam groans as he breaks the kiss and presses Dean’s hand against him.

“Not here,” Dean says. His voice is a low against Sam’s ear and Sam shivers as it resonates through his body.

…

Sam falls back against the side of their car, parked in the dark behind a convenience store. He laughs as Dean presses him against the metal and kisses down his jaw to his neck. Dean feels Sam roll his hips against his thigh, he grins and drops to his knees on the wet pavement. He pushes Sam’s t-shirt up, kissing down his stomach and biting the soft skin gently. Sam watches as Dean pops the button on his shorts one by one and pushes them off his hips.

Sam closes his eyes and drops his head back against the door frame as Dean mouths his dick through the purple cotton of his briefs. Dean stops and pulls Sam’s underwear down off his hips. He peppers kisses across the top of Sam’s thigh and lower abdomen. Then holds Sam’s half hard dick as he kisses down it’s length, and presses one to the head. He pauses and looks up at Sam, who is watching him now. When Dean smiles at him he laughs and his head falls back again.

He goes slow, working Sam up with strokes and lazy licks. It isn’t until Sam is hard that he takes him into his mouth. Sam whimpers and bucks his hips. His head lolls against the door frame and he runs his fingers through Dean’s hair as he sucks him.

The occasional car that illuminates them as it pulls into the parking lot is barely noticed. Sam is lost in sensations and Dean is lost in Sam. When he knows Sam’s close Dean pulls off and strokes, mouth open.

Sam comes on Dean’s waiting tongue and lips. Dean strokes him through it as Sam pants above him. He sucks him down a few more times before pulling off then licks up his spent dick from base to tip. He kisses Sam’s hip again before standing up and wiping his mouth on his t-shirt.

He holds onto Sam’s hips and lifts him up so he’s sitting on the side of the hood. Dean settles between Sam’s legs and kisses him. With Sam’s hands on either side of his face and his lips moving slow and sleepy.

Dean pulls back to look at his beautiful brother.

“What do you say we drive to Nevada?”


	35. September 12, 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

“Hey Sam, look,” the car starts to slow as Dean says the words. Sam looks up and follows Dean’s outstretched arm to where he’s pointing at a brightly painted sign decorated with balloons, coming up on the right. The car is almost slowed to a stop as they come up to the sign, “what d’ya say?” Sam can hear the smile in Dean’s voice.

They have been on the road for the last three days straight. Stopping only to sleep a few hours, grab some shitty gas station food between greasy diner meals, and one stop two days ago, where Dean sucked Sam off against a giant blue fiberglass dinosaur at a gas station. Sam smiles as he remembers returning the favor, but they didn’t need to stop for that. Anyway, Sam thinks they could both do with a break.

“I would love that,” Sam says, his smile widens as he looks at Dean. Dean nods and turns left, Sam tucks his hands under his legs and can’t stop smiling as they head down the dirt road to the fair grounds. The parking lot is in a big empty field roped off with cones. Dean drives back and forth between rows of cars until they find an empty spot toward the back, next to a minivan and a big red truck.

“This place is packed,” Sam says, stepping out of the car and into the sun, “people must have come from all over the place,” he continues as he looks around, taking in his surroundings.

“Must be good then,” Dean says to him with a grin as he wraps his arm around Sam’s shoulders and pulls him in tight. Sam snuggles in close against Dean’s t-shirt and closes his eyes for a moment as they walk toward the entrance. After a few steps Dean presses a kiss to the top of Sam’s head then lets go of him. Sam smiles to himself and tucks his hands into the back pockets of his jeans and falls into step behind Dean.

They approach the tiny white building, decorated with streamers with ‘tickets’ painted on the side in big bright blue letters. Sam can already smell the onions sizzling on flat top grills in food trailers and sugary treats being sold from booths, mixed with the faint smell of animal shit coming from the barns around the edge.

“Two tickets,” Dean says as he steps up to the counter. The old man inside greets them with a warm smile, he looks at Sam and asks if he’s under sixteen. Sam furrows his brow at the question, he looks over at Dean then back at the old man.

“Why?” Sam asks back, after a moment.

“Children’s tickets are two dollars less,” the old man says, pointing to the sign hanging below the counter.

“Yes he is,” Dean answers before Sam can open his mouth again, “we’ll take one adult ticket and one child,” he continues as he takes out his wallet.

“That will be seven dollars please,” the old man says and Dean hands him the money. The old man hands them both their tickets and another old man next to them gestures with a marker. Sam reaches his hand out and the old man draws a blue smiley face on the back. 

Red, white, and blue string lights hang between wooden poles down the length of the main walkway as they make their way down it. Sam can see the ferris wheel is towering over the buildings and other rides way at the other side of the grounds, his eyes are wide as he tries to take it all in at once. 

“You hungry?” Dean asks, as he reaches down and squeezes Sam’s hand.

“Starving actually,” Sam answers as he looks back at Dean, he can’t stop smiling. Dean leads the way toward the food area, everything smells so good, Sam doesn’t know where to start. There’s signs for hand dipped corn dogs, doughnut burgers, tubs of curly fries, deep fried just-about-everythings, he stops in front of a booth painted bright green selling desserts.

“What about an elephant ear to start?” Sam asks, looking up at Dean.

“You can get anything you want. Go crazy, kid,” Dean grins as he answers. He gestures out toward the window and Sam steps up to order.

They sit at one of the picnic tables in the shade and share their elephant ear, Dean wipes cinnamon sugar from Sam’s cheek, Sam laughs and Dean smiles. They get two candy apples next and head toward the games. There are about 20 different brightly colored game booths, all kinds of different prizes and skill levels. Dean wins Sam a stuffed purple monster and Sam wins Dean an inflatable green alien. After that they make their way through the crowds to the animal barns.

By the time early evening hits they head back to the food area, Sam gets a huge pile of pink and blue cotton candy on a stick and they walk over to the side of one of the buildings away from the crowds to lean against the wall. They shove chunks of colored fluff into their mouths and it instantly melts into sugary syrup on Sam’s tongue.

“This was a good idea,” Sam looks over at Dean and smiles through blue stained lips, “I’m having a really great time.”

“Me too,” Dean gives Sam a warm smile that makes his stomach flutter. They are silent for a moment before Dean shoves the rest of his clump of cotton candy into his mouth and steps in front of Sam. He braces his hands on either side of Sam’s shoulders and leans in close. Sam tilts his face up, their lips hover, barely touching, until Sam tips forward to lick the taste of cotton candy off Dean’s lips. Dean presses his lips to Sam’s and kisses him quick before stepping back again. Sam swipes his thumb across his sticky lips as he looks up at Dean, then gestures with his head toward a group of trailers behind the next building. Dean wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, then takes Sam by the hand and leads the way.

They duck between two of the trailers, and stop behind a stack of cardboard boxes. Dean presses Sam up against the trailer siding and kisses him again. Sam licks the sugary sweet taste from Dean’s mouth as he unbuttons his jeans. Dean hums into Sam’s mouth as he reaches down and cups Sam’s half hard dick in his palm. Sam breaks the kiss and rests his head back against the siding. He wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and licks his slick, smiling lips with closed eyes as Dean rubs him through his briefs.

Dean lets go of Sam’s dick and brings his hand up to Sam’s lips. He holds Sam’s gaze as he rubs the fingertips of his first two fingers against Sam’s bottom lip, then dips them in. Sam closes his lips around Dean’s fingers and sucks the taste of cotton candy and salt off Dean’s skin as he pulls them free. Sam takes hold of Dean’s wrist and licks at Dean’s fingers then sucks them back into his mouth. He slides his tongue between Dean’s fingers as he pulls them out again then lets go of Dean’s wrist.

Sam toes off one shoe and pulls his jeans and underwear down as he bends over. He kicks one of his feet free and turns around, resting his face and shoulders against the metal siding as he bends forward and pulls his cheeks apart with both hands. Dean brushes Sam’s hair away from his neck with his dry hand and kisses the skin there as he rubs the puckered skin of Sam’s hole with spit slick fingers. Dean pulls his hand back and spits onto his fingers, Sam bites his lip as Dean slips a finger into him.

Sam can hear the voices of people nearby, enjoying their friends and families, the sounds of kids playing in the grass. He chokes back a moan as Dean rubs inside him with practiced precision. As the spit on Dean’s finger begins to dry, the friction of Dean’s movements starts to burn. Dean pulls his finger free and brings his hand to his mouth. He licks the taste of Sam from his skin and sucks them into his mouth. Dean lifts Sam’s free leg up, spreading him wide, and spits onto his fingers. He pushes two fingers back in and Sam moans, muffled against the metal siding.

Precome drips steadily from his dick onto the dry grass under their feet as Dean fucks his fingers into him. Sam whimpers as his muscles start to pull tight, he lifts onto his tiptoes as Dean rubs against him just right. He pulls his eyebrows together and bites onto his bottom lip as he strokes himself until he’s coming onto the metal siding. Sam pants as his muscles contract with each wave as Dean rubs him through it.

He lets out a small shaky laugh against the siding as Dean pulls his fingers free and wipes them on his jeans. Dean drops to his knees as Sam turns back around, he takes a hold of Sam’s dick and licks the remaining drops of come from the tip. Sam’s knees go weak as Dean sucks his spent dick into his mouth. Sam hears someone walk past the stack of boxes as Dean pulls off him and stands back up. Sam puts his hands on either side of Dean’s face and guides him down to his lips again. He pulls his jeans back on and they make their way to the rides. They try out every ride there and when the sun starts to set they get in line for the Ferris wheel. When it’s their turn at the top, Sam slides his hand into Dean’s jeans and rubs his palm against Dean’s hard dick.

“Let’s go back to the car,” Sam breathes against Dean’s lips.

By the time they make it out to the far side of the lot where they’re parked it’s starting to get dark, a little less than half the cars already gone. Sam grabs the lube out of the glove box as Dean gets in and shuts the door behind him. Dean slides his seat all the way back and unbuttons his jeans. Sam pulls his jeans and underwear off and kicks them onto the floor as Dean pulls his dick out and slicks it up. Sam climbs onto Dean’s lap and kisses him as Dean rubs the slick head of his cock against Sam’s hole. Sam reaches back and slips two slick fingers into himself and pulls them back out, and Dean holds his dick steady as Sam lowers himself. Sam grimaces as he feels the sting of his skin stretching wide as Dean’s cock breaches him and he sinks down it’s length.

Sam sits for a moment, with Dean completely inside him, and watches a family of five heading to their car. He lets out a breathy laugh and turns back to Dean.

“What?” Dean asks, looking up at Sam, his eyes shining with a passing car’s headlights.

“This was really nice,” Sam says as he begins rolling his hips in little circles, “good idea,” he hums, as Dean’s dick rubs around inside him. Dean licks his lips and leans up to catch Sam’s lips again as another car passes.

“Remember that fair we went to that one time with dad?” Dean asks as Sam rides him slow.

“The last one we went to?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, you tried to pet that donkey and it bit your hand,” Dean laughs, as Sam raises up and sinks back down onto his cock, “you didn’t stop crying” Dean moans and takes a breath “until we got home.” The people driving the red truck next to them seem to come out of nowhere, Sam stills half way off Dean’s cock as one of them passes their window. They close the door and the truck starts up, another car passes in front of them and the truck pulls out.

“Yeah, because when we got home, you took me to our room and,” Sam says as he sinks back onto Dean’s cock, “sucked me off so I’d stopped crying.”

“Which took point-zero-four seconds,” Dean moans, “you’ve always been fuckin’ needy for it,” Dean groans as he lifts Sam up and rolls them over. He gets up on his knees on the seat and pushes back into Sam. Sam wraps his legs around Dean’s hips and his arms around Dean’s neck and holds on as Dean drives into him.

“Fuck,” Sam whimpers against Dean’s shoulder.


	36. September 17, 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for blood, needle, death, and suicide mentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The fight left Dean in pretty bad shape. He sat in the passenger seat, holding his hand against the gash across his chest from the broken beer bottle one of the guys pulled out when Dean started winning. The steady pressure slowed the bleeding until Sam could get them back to their motel room. Every bump in the road and every breath jarred the ribs he guessed were broken, it felt like his torso was being crushed slowly by an invisible vice.

Sam helped him out of the car, the change of position had Dean groaning in pain as Sam walked him to their room. He limped carefully over to the bathroom and ran the tap while Sam went to get the first aid kit out of the trunk. He held his breath through the pain as he raised his arms to peel his sticky t-shirt off. In the mirror he could see a deep purple bruise spread out across the left side of his abdomen and the torn skin and dark red stains covering his chest. His face was smeared with blood from the cut on his cheekbone surrounded by a dark bruise, and a split lip.

Dean lifted himself up to sit on the counter as carefully as he could, while Sam poured cheap whiskey over the needle.

“You look like hell,” Sam said as he threaded the needle.

“Shoulda seen the other guy,” Dean groaned and huffed out a tiny laugh.

“ _Guys_ ,” Sam smiled. He handed Dean the bottle and Dean hissed through gritted teeth at the harsh sting as he poured the alcohol over his gash. Thinned out blood mixed with amber liquid running down his body and pooling on the floor at Sam’s feet.

“Want something to bite down on?” Sam asked.

“No, just do it.”

Dean closed his eyes tight and breathed through his nose as Sam pushed the needle through his skin and pulled the string tight, again and again. When his skin was sewn shut, Sam ran one of the hand towels under the hot water and dabbed it over the stitches, cleaning the mix of dried and fresh blood from around the wound. He rinsed off the towel and reached up to gently wipe Dean’s face clean.

“I don’t think this one needs any stitches,” Sam said as he lightly skimmed his fingertips over the cut and bruise around Dean’s eye. Dean turned his face and felt the sting of his split lip as he kissed Sam’s palm softly.

“Stand up so I can finish cleaning you up,” Sam said and grabbed onto Dean’s arm to help him get to his feet. Sharp pain shot through his ribs as he slid off, he leaned his weight on his hands resting on the counter as Sam unbuckled his belt and pushed his damp jeans and underwear off his hips to the floor. He lifted his feet and Sam pulled them the rest of the way off and threw them into the bathtub. Dean stood still as Sam grabbed a towel from the back of the door and rubbed it over his bare skin. When he was dry, Sam tossed the towel in with his jeans and left to grab him something to wear. Dean turned and stuck his hands under the hot water and hissed as he rinsed the blood off the split and peeling skin on his knuckles from where he connected with teeth and bones.

“Here,” Sam said as he kneeled down and held the clean briefs open for Dean to step into.

Sam helped him over to the bed and pulled down the covers.

“I’m not completely helpless you know,” Dean groand as he carefully climbed onto the bed.

“You can barely move without almost crying, so just shut up and let me take care of you,” Sam smiled.

“‘m not almost crying,” Dean said before grimacing as he gently punched Sam in the arm, “it just hurts a little bit.”

“I’d give you some pain killers,” Sam paused, pulling the covers up around Dean, “but with all the booze you’ve had tonight-”

“I’d never stop bleeding,” Dean said as he watched Sam pull his shirt off over his head at the foot of the bed and let it drop to the floor, “I’d bleed out right next to you while you were sleeping. You’d wake up covered in it, curled around my cold body,” he continued, watching as Sam stripped out of the rest of his clothes, “you’d be so heartbroken you’d probably have to just shoot yourself.” Sam turned around to look at him and Dean thought that it should be impossible for someone to look more and more beautiful with every passing day, but there was Sam, bare body bathed in the artificial yellow light of the bedside lamp. The most beautiful human on the planet and he was all Dean’s, heart, soul, and body.

“Then they’d find us like that, right here on this bed. What a mess we’d make,” Sam said as he climbed in next to Dean and curled up against his right side, “how romantic,” Sam smiled as he leaned up and kissed Dean, his split lip stinging and threatening to reopen as he kissed Sam back. He felt Sam’s fingertips skimming lightly down his body, carefully avoiding the side with the bruise. When Sam’s hand cupped him and squeezed he broke away from Sam’s mouth.

“Whoa, hey,” he said, grabbing onto Sam’s wrist and stilling his hand, “not gonna be any of that for a while.”

“Might make you feel better,” Sam smiled.

“It definitely won’t and you can stand to go a week without fucking,” Dean said, rubbing his thumb over Sam’s pulse.

“Who said anything about fucking?” Sam grinned.

“No sex of any kind,” Dean said as he let go of Sam’s wrist, “I think coming might kill me.”

“Alright,” Sam said and pulled the blanket over them as he settled down against Dean’s good side.


	37. November 1998

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

They drug a mattress out of one of the bedrooms of the vacant house they found to stay in and dropped it in the middle of empty living room. Sam was laying on his back, resting his head on one of their duffels, wearing only his briefs. He traced his finger tips across his stomach as he watched Dean pop each one of the buttons on his fly.

Dean’s jeans fell to his feet as he dropped to one knee and then the other, straddling Sam’s hips. His soft dick resting against Sam’s stomach. He leaned down to kiss him, licking into his waiting mouth and biting gently on Sam’s bottom lip as he sat back up. He traced two fingers across Sam’s open lips and dipped them in, Sam closed around them and grabbed Dean’s wrist to guide them in and out. Sam ran his tongue around and between Dean’s fingers, keeping his eyes locked on Dean’s as he sucked. As Dean pulled his fingers free a string of spit stretching from Sam’s shining lips broke as he reached behind himself.

He circled the puckered skin, rubbing it before pushing a finger in. He sighed as it sank easily into the heat of his body as far as he could reach. Working it in and out, he stretched himself open and moaned as he pushed the second finger in. His dick twitching and filling between them. He stroked his fingers against the slick silk inside of himself, stretching and searching.

His hips bucked forward and he whimpered as he rubbed them just right. A bead of precome pulsed from his slit and dripped onto Sam’s skin. Dean looked down at Sam as he fucked himself with his fingers, biting his lip and rocking against his hand. Sam ran his finger through the pool of precome on his stomach and brought it to his lips for a taste. He whimpered around his finger and rolled his hips, rubbing his wet, cotton covered dick against Dean’s balls.

When Dean couldn’t wait anymore and figured he was loose enough he sat up and pulled Sam’s briefs down and tucked them under his balls. He stroked Sam’s dick slow with lube and then he lined himself up. He pressed the slick head of Sam’s dick against his hole and groaned as he sank down, pushing it though the ring of muscle. Sam’s dick slipped into him, filling him just right. He rolled his hips in a slow circle, rubbing it around inside himself before raising up and sinking back down.

Sam moaned as Dean bounced on his dick. His thighs burned with strain when he felt Sam’s muscles start to clench up beneath his hands. He kept his fast pace, his dick slapping against Sam’s wet stomach until Sam was a shaking mess below him. Sam cried out and his hips bucked off the mattress, pushing into Dean deep as his muscles contracted and he spilled into Dean. Sam’s hips jumped and Dean slowed to ride him through it. Sam relaxed against the mattress as he caught his breath, his body trembling and covered in sweat.

Sam’s come seeped out and cooled on his skin as Dean continued fucking himself on Sam’s dick until it began to soften. He rolled his hips, keeping Sam’s soft dick buried inside him as he stroked his own fast and hard until he spilled across Sam’s chest.

“Fuck,” Sam let out with a breathy laugh. He reached out and rubbed his thumb across the tip of Dean’s spent dick, gathering the last tiny pulse of come onto it. Dean looked down at him through half lidded eyes and grinned.

“Think you can get hard again?”


	38. April 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for prostitution and voyeurism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by enamourous

They find a trucker at a rest stop at 3am in Pontiac, Illinois willing to pay 70 bucks for a show that they are more than willing to put on. 

Their only source of privacy is the bathroom and so that’s where they’re at; the guy is sitting with his back against the door on the far side of the room and Dean has Sam pressed half up against the sink and half against the tiled wall. The guy hasn’t said much at all, and Sam is okay with that. He’s probably just some lonely trucker with a wife he doesn’t want to fuck and kids he doesn’t want to see. But who he is doesn’t mean a thing to Sam. It doesn’t matter who he is in here.

The sounds of the harsh lights are buzzing through his head along with the bottle of whiskey he and Dean shared earlier and he feels _amazing_. Dean’s kissing him loud and dirty and everything about the way he’s is touching him is sending sick thrills curling through Sam’s stomach. It’s slow and warm and good and _Christ_ , Dean’s sucking bruises onto his neck now and that feel like heaven. Or at least, how heaven should feel like. If heaven isn’t exactly like this, Sam doesn’t give a shit about getting there.

Sam tilts his head to the side, exposing the line of this throat better for Dean, and throws a glance at the guy watching. He figures that since he’s already palming his dick through his jeans and Dean’s only just started kissing him, that they’re doing pretty good. Sam tries to catch his eyes, but they guy won’t look at his face, just stares at where Dean’s hand is groping Sam through his shorts.

For Dean, when it comes to Sam, handsy is generally putting it lightly. But he’s outdoing himself now. Maybe it’s because they’ve got an audience or maybe it’s because Sam’s shorts barely cover his ass and he can’t help himself, but Dean doesn’t waste time getting a hand down the front of Sam’s shorts and wrapping a hand around him. Sam smirks against his brother’s mouth when he hears the guy finally speak over to the side saying “yeah, touch him, just like that.”

The encouragement sends fire through his body, making his skin hot and he breathes Dean’s name wet against the skin of his jaw, spreading his legs further apart, letting Dean know just how bad he wants it.

“Want me to listen to him Sam? Want me to touch you?” Dean pushes his hand low and slides a finger back between Sam’s ass, pressing a fingertip against him. Sam doesn’t stop himself from rocking down into the touch. He can’t think about anything but how this guy is going to see everything Dean does to him and hear every sound they make; knowing that is making the fact that Dean’s still just teasing actually hurt.

“Yeah, I want you to,” Sam says, moving against Dean’s hand. “Fuck.”

“Fuck him, c’mon I want to see that tight ass,” The guy grunts, obviously feeling bolder, and the hand Dean has wrapped around Sam’s wrist tightens.

“Keep your mouth shut or you’ll leave here with a lot more than what you paid for,” Dean growls and the guy sets his jaw and nods stiffly. Dean glares hard at him for a few seconds before turning his attention to pulling a packet of lube out of his back pocket. He tears the corner off and spits it to the side.

“Take your clothes off Sam,” Dean leans in and kisses him gently, making it less of an order and more of a request. Sam knows he’s the one that really decides what this guy gets to see, just like he knows that even ten feet from a guy twice his size blocking the door he’s got nothing to worry about. Dean has left people who threatened Sam for dead before, and there’s no question he’d do it again.

Sam smiles as he kisses Dean in response, peeling his t-shirt off his torso and hooking his thumbs into his shorts to slide them down and kick them over his converse. 

He turns around and braces his forearms against the wall, spreading his legs and letting Dean slick him up with lube. His forehead is cold where it’s pressed against the tiles so Sam focuses on the hand Dean has resting on the back of his hip, how he’s squeezing Sam just barely. Comforting him.

Sam notices that the guy has gotten his pants undone and his jacking himself now, his eyes roaming shamelessly all over Sam’s body, hungry. It shouldn’t make him feel this good but it does, and Sam pushes back into Dean’s touch impatiently.

Dean unzips his jeans and leans down, chest pressed against Sam’s back and whispers voice low in his ear. “Gonna give him his money’s worth Sammy? Gonna come all over the bathroom floor in front of him just for me?”

Sam is so worked up and every inch of contact Dean has with him is setting his skin on fire and all he can do is let out a shaky “Yeah”, before Dean is spreading him and pushing in slow, letting Sam sink back until Dean is completely inside him.

“Let him see you,” Dean says, wrapping a hand around Sam’s shin and pulling his leg up, exposing Sam entirely. Sam can hear that the guy is breathing heavy and for a second he’s disgusted at the sound of it but then Dean starts moving and he’s completely focused on his brother again, the sensation of being filled, and the drag as Dean pulls back, setting up a rhythm.

Dean groans when he pushes in again, gripping at Sam’s hip and shin hard with his fingers. Sam meets each push, sinking back against Dean until he gets the message and starts fucking him harder. Through the hair that’s fallen into his face, Sam sees the guy pulling his own dick fast and hard, face flushed and eyes stuck where Sam’s dick is swaying with each thrust. Sam rolls his hips a little, letting out a breathy laugh when Dean moans softly.

“More,” Sam pants, reaching a hand back and grabbing the side of Dean’s ass, to pulling him into him. He lets out a heavy breath when Dean releases the hold he’s got on his shin and slides his hand over his abdomen to close his palm around Sam’ dick, squeezing gently. He can feel his skin erupt in goose bumps when he feels Dean bending over to sprinkle a line of kisses down the skin on his back.

Sam curses when Dean runs his fingernail lightly over his slit, smearing the precome that had beaded there, and then twists his grasp up over Sam’s length and down again. He’s fucking into him slowly now, adjusting and testing his thrusts until Sam gasps and slaps a hand on the wall because there just there, and he doesn’t have to say thing, Dean’s aiming perfectly again and again until Sam’s legs are shaking with it. 

He doesn’t know how long it takes but at some point over by the door, the guy grunts loudly and comes, eyes stuttering shut and head falling back against the wall.

Sam clenches his eyes shut when Dean pushes into him again hard, grinding against his prostate. Dean says his name in a cracked voice that’s it, Sam’s coming hard over Dean’s fingers and onto the floor moaning louder than he means to and making desperate fists of his hands where they’re balled against the wall. 

Dean lets go of his hold on Sam’s dick and pulls out completely, pulling a hand over himself a few times before he comes over Sam’s ass, biting his lip but not holding back a low groan. Sam keeps his eyes closed and works to get his breath back while Dean slides a finger into him, pushing some of the come inside. He can feel the rest of it cooling where it’s dripping down the back of his thighs.

Sam’s shirt is still on the floor next to them, and he uses it to clean himself off before sliding back into his shorts, which he doesn’t bother to button. When he tosses his shirt so it rests over his shoulder Dean slinks an arm around his waist and pulls him close for a kiss. Sam can hear the guy busying himself with tucking himself back into his jeans.

“Okay Buddy show’s over,” Dean says eventually, keeping his arm around Sam when he walks up to the guy and extends a hand. He goes to take it for an arm up but Dean pulls away before he’s able to.

“No. The money, you fucking idiot.”

The guy flushes and gets to his feet so he can dig four twenties out of his pocket, which he hands to Dean without a word. Something about how he won’t look Dean in the eyes makes Sam figure he’s never done this before.

“Don’t be mean,” Sam says grinning at Dean, while he slips a hand into his. He moves past the guy and opens the door to leave but he stops because this guy is so fucking quiet and Sam loves that what he just paid for is probably eating him up inside and he just can’t leave it at that.

“D'you got a name?” Sam asks, turning back to face the guy, who finally looks at him, apprehensive.

“Scott,” He says.

“Did you like it, Scott?”

“What?”

“Do you like how my big brother fucks me?” Sam asks, a grin spreading wide over his face. Scott’s mouth opens just slightly and his expression goes from one of vague wariness to one of shock. When he speaks he stutters over the words.

“He’s your-?” He says, disgust turning down the corners of his mouth while he stares at Dean with wide eyes.

“You just beat it to a guy making his little brother come.” Dean says, with a laugh. “You sick _fuck._ ”

The guy’s mouth is still open, but nothing is coming out, completely at a loss for what to say. Sam sees the beginnings of rage seeping into his features and figures they had better get on their way. He glances at Dean, who wraps his arm around Sam’s waist again, low this time so he can tuck his fingers inside Sam’s shorts against his hip. Dean waves at the guy with his free hand, and flashes him a grin.

“Well, thanks for the memories,” Sam says hurriedly before they guy can finally find his words, taking a step further outside.

“Drive safe, Scotty,” Dean says, and he and Sam slip out the door and run.


	39. May 1999

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

Warm afternoon light filters through the sheer curtains to settle on their bare bodies as they lay tangled together on the small mattress. Sam’s skin is soft and warm with sleep against Dean’s, memories of the night they spent together flood through him as Sam stirs. He stretches his body and yawns before settling back and tucking himself against Dean.

“Hey,” Sam smiles.

“Hey,” Dean grins back as rolls over to stretch his arms wide.

“Did you sleep good?” Sam asks.

“Always do,” Dean smiles again and leans in to kiss Sam quick, “you’re gonna be the death of me, kid.”

“What a way to go out,” Sam says and kisses him again.

“Only way I’d want to go,” Dean admits as Sam pulls back.

Sam sits up and pushes his fingers through his hair. Dean crosses his arms behind his head and watches as Sam stands and stretches again. He walks across the room and stops in front of the shelves on the opposite wall. Dean watches as Sam thumbs through the records and pulls one out. He places it on the turntable and sets the needle and Dean hears the familiar piano begin to crackle over the speakers.

Sam’s hips sway slowly along with the music as he continues to thumb through the records. Elvis’ voice sings ‘take my hand and my whole life too,’ and Dean can hear Sam singing quietly along with it.

“But I can’t help falling in love with you,” Sam sings. Dean climbs out of the bed and walks over to where Sam is standing as the song ends.

“Play it again,” Dean says softly as he wraps his arms around Sam’s waist and rests his chin on Sam’s shoulder. Sam smiles and resets the needle and places his hands on Deans.

They sway together, losing themselves in the music and the warmth of their brother’s body against their own. As the song ends Sam turns in Dean’s arms and kisses him until the popping noise of the end of the record fills the room.

“It’s the only way I’d want to go out too,” Sam smiles.


	40. July 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for prostitution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

They were standing with their backs against a brick wall in the dim, reflected neon light of the sign high above the parking lot. The city was quiet and they hadn’t seen anyone for a while when a maroon sedan pulled up across from them and stopped. It sat there for a few minutes before the window rolled down slowly and a man who looked like he could be a librarian looked out at them. Sam watched Dean take a drag off his cigarette and exhale into the air as he waited for something, anything to happen.

“How much?” The man called out to them.

Sam glanced over at Dean, raising his eyebrows to silently ask what Dean thought. Dean nodded his head so Sam pushed off the bricks and strolled over to the car where their entertainment waited.

“What do you have in mind?” Sam asked as he leaned in the window. The guy shook his head.

“Not you sugar, I want James Dean over there,” he smiled as he gestured to Dean.

Sam turned around and shrugged at Dean. Dean took another long drag of his cigarette and flicked it onto the pavement before walking over to the car.

“You working?” The man asked.

“Depends, how much for what?” Dean said as he leaned into the window.

“How about a hundred to fuck you, how’s that sound?” The man grinned and Dean laughed. He stood back up and put his arm around Sam’s waist and made a move to walk away, trying his best to bluff to get more out of him, when the man stopped him.

“How about one-fifty for you and fifty for him and we spit roast you?” The man said and Dean looked at Sam and smiled.

“Alright,” Dean shrugged and opened the back door to the car and climbed in after Sam.

…

“You two go ahead and get started,” Sam heard the man say from the front seat as they passed under a street lamp that lit up the inside of the car for a moment. Sam sat up as Dean licked his lips and leaned in to kiss him. He moved from Sam’s mouth to his neck and Sam let his head fall back as Dean licked across his throat. Sam could feel the man watching him in the rear view mirror so he looked over and met the man’s eyes. He licked his parted lips and saw the man shift and look away.

The drive to the motel wasn’t long, before he knew it they were parked and Dean was stepping out of the backseat. Sam followed them through the door into the dim light of the plain, single bed room. He took his jacket off and laid it across one of the chairs as the man shut and locked the door behind them. Sam waited to follow Dean’s lead, not wanting to make a move until Dean did.

“Money first,” Dean said plainly as he held out his hand.

“Yeah, I know how this works,” the man smiled as he dug into his pocket and pulled out two bills. When the money was in Dean’s hand, Dean reached out and pulled the man in close by his collar.

“If you touch him, I’ll rip your prick off and feed it to you,” he growled as he glared into the man’s eyes, “you got that?” Sam felt a roll of excitement low in his stomach, he knew Dean wouldn’t hesitate to follow through with that threat.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you say,” the man said. Dean held him there for a moment longer and looked him over again, just to drive the point home, then let him go and took a step back. Sam stood by the chair and watched as Dean toed off his boots and pulled his shirt off over his head. He glanced over to the man who was dragging his eyes hungrily over Dean’s skin and felt a flare of jealousy. As Dean stepped out of his jeans and briefs, Sam unbuttoned his jeans and toed off his sneakers. He pulled his shirt off as Dean climbed onto the bed, the man tossed the bottle of lube onto the mattress next to Dean and settled back against the wall to watch.

Dean spread his knees wide and pressed his face against the mattress as he reached behind himself and pressed a finger in. Sam crawled on the bed and settled with his knees on either side of Dean’s head. He kept his eyes on Dean, focusing on his hand working where his fingers disappeared inside of him. He ran his fingers gently through Dean’s hair, feeling the noises Dean made spread heat through his body. Sam stroked himself slow, watching Dean fuck himself with his fingers, for a moment he forgot they weren’t alone until the man stepped forward.

He grabbed a hold of Dean’s wrist and Dean groaned into the mattress as he pulled Dean’s fingers free. The man unbuttoned his pants and rolled a condom on while Dean lifted himself onto his hands. He kissed Sam’s stomach, working his lips over his hipbone and lower, Sam closed his eyes let his head roll back as Dean pressed kisses down his dick and licked at the tip. Dean took the head into his mouth and pulled back, his lip catching on the flared edge, and licked his lips as he looked up at Sam.

The man spread Dean open and pushed in, making Dean arch up and groan, he opened his mouth and Sam moved into place. Every thrust of the man pounding into Dean pushed him onto Sam’s dick. Sam rested his hands on the back of Dean’s head and he could feel the vibrations of Dean moaning around him. He closed his eyes and tried to forget the stranger fucking Dean in front of him, even though he could hear the sickening slap, slap, slap, of the man’s body against Dean’s ass. He couldn’t help but roll his hips and push further into Dean’s mouth. Before Sam knew it the man had come and pulled out.

Sam held onto the back of Dean’s head and fucked into his mouth harder until he felt himself getting close. He pulled out with a wet pop and stroked himself fast. Dean looked up at him, his mouth hanging open, lips dark and shining with spit dripping down his chin. Sam shuddered and spilled across Dean’s lips and cheek, stroking himself through it until the contractions stopped.

He leaned down and licked his mess from Dean’s face, the taste of himself and Dean, _of them_ , coating his tongue. When he pulled back Dean was still looking at him, eyes dark and full of heat, then Dean’s hands were cupping his face. Dean pressed Sam back against the headboard and kissed him, it was hard and dirty and hot as hell. Sam kissed back and held on as Dean rocked against him, forgetting they were not alone until he heard a quiet ‘ _fuck_ ’ come from behind them.

Dean let go of him and panted for a few seconds against Sam’s cheek and kissed Sam quick again before he stepped off the bed. They both dressed without so much as looking at the man again.

As they walked down the street together Dean held him tight against him.

“How about we get back to the car and I ride you ‘til the sun comes up,” Sam smiled as he looked up at Dean.


	41. July 4, 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean spend the 4th of July together.

July 4th, 1999

Dean looks out the curtains of their room as he smokes the last of his cigarette. The streets on the outskirts of Las Vegas are busy, cars rush passed one after another. Endless lines of people going about lives. He snuffs it out in the ashtray on the small table in the corner. Laying next it is a napkin stained with beer from the bar across the street. In the corner is a note scribbled in blue pen that says ‘ _baby, you’re the coolest’_ surrounded by hearts. He grabs his discarded shirt from the night before, laying on the floor by the bed next to a messy pair of lacy pink underwear. He pulls on the tropical print fabric and rolls the short sleeves up over the curves of his biceps and doesn’t bother to button it. 

Sunlight floods into the room as he opens the door and steps through. He shuts it behind him and walks out onto the second floor catwalk. Sam is sprawled out on his lounge chair, long legs stretched out from under frayed cutoffs, one hanging over the armrest, bouncing to the beat of a song in his head. His too big Bud Light tank top hangs off his bare shoulders, making him look deceivingly small. He’s almost as tall as Dean now. 

Dean leans against the railing, crossing his arms in front of him as he watches Sam, bathed in sunlight below him. The surface of the pool water sparkles like white glitter in the bright summer sun shining in the turquoise sky. Sam takes a sip from his soda as he watches the light dance off the ripples. He rests his head back against his lounge chair, closing his eyes and he letting out a content sigh as he soaks up the heat of the desert sun. 

Dean licks his lips and lets out a low whistle, Sam turns his head and looks up at him with a sugar sweet grin that spreads across his bubblegum lips and Dean can’t help but smile back. Sam holds out his arms and gestures for Dean to come down to him. He walks down the metal stairs to the pool and pulls an old lounge chair up next to Sam’s.

“You get in yet?” Dean asks as he sits down on the plastic slats of the chair.

“Naw, not yet,” Sam shakes his head with a smile, “I was waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?” Dean asks, “why, so I could do this?” He says as he stands and picks Sam up in his arms. Sam laughs as he struggles against Dean’s hold on him. 

“Wait, Dean, don’t!” He laughs, kicking his legs as Dean walks him to the edge of the pool, “don’t!”

Dean tosses him into the water, he hits it with a splash and Dean jumps in after him. He comes up and spits the chlorinated water out as he pushes his wet hair back away from his eyes, his shirt floating up behind him.

“Jerk!” Sam says with a smile as he splashes him. Dean turns to avoid being hit with the water then lunges toward Sam. He grabs a hold of Sam’s wrist as Sam tries to pull away, he kicks at him and splashes him with water as Dean pulls him toward him. Dean pushes Sam’s hair away from his face and leans in. He tips Sam’s chin up and Sam presses his lips to Dean’s. He tastes like an Orange Crush dream and Dean can’t get enough of it. 

Sam pushes away from him with a laugh as he dives under the water again. Dean watches as he swims to the edge and pulls himself out. He shakes water out of his hair, tiny droplets sparkle in the sun as they fall to the concrete around him. His soaked shirt clings to his skin as he kicks his feet in the water. Dean walks over to the edge and climbs out next to him. 

“I was thinking we could grab some blankets and head up to the roof of this place tonight,” Dean says as he leans back, resting his weight on his hands.

“To watch the fireworks?” Sam asks, looking over at Dean from under his wet bangs.

“Yeah.” Dean’s lips curl into a crooked smile as he watches Sam kick through the water. “What do you think?”

“I think it sounds swell,” Sam says with a smile bright as the Nevada desert sun above them and Dean melts. He leans in and kisses Sam again, brushing his lips against Sam’s softly as Sam lets out a breathy giggle that twists Dean into helpless knots. 

...

The sunset seems to take hours, golden light covers everything in sight as the sky lights up in bright pinks and purples. They sit against the wall of the stair housing on the rooftop of their motel as they watch the sun sink lower and lower over the endless desert horizon.

Sam nestles in under Dean’s arm and lays his head down on Dean’s shoulder. He twists his fingers in Dean’s as Dean exhales a lungful of thick smoke into the warm evening air. His body relaxes into a blissful calm as the weed takes effect. He sits up and turns around, resting on his knees if front of Dean. Dean takes another drag as he watches Sam pull his shirt off over his head and let it drop onto the ground. Sam unbuttons his shorts and pushes them down just under his hips.

Dean exhales and snuffs the joint out on the ground. He licks his lips as he sits up and curls his hands around the back of Sam’s head, pulling him into him. Their lips meet, messy and lazy. They breath heavy against each other’s skin as Dean slides his hand into the back of Sam’s shorts and rubs his palm down against the soft skin of Sam’s ass.

It’s dark by the time Dean eases into Sam. He watches the stars shine in the inky black sky above them as Dean fucks into him slow, moving in long, drawn out thrusts that make Sam ache in the best way. Sam feels like he’s floating, like Dean is all that’s keeping him from drifting up into the night sky to be with the stars. He holds onto him like an anchor, digging his nails into his skin as Dean’s pace picks up. Suddenly the night sky erupts into brilliant sparkling colors, with booms that echo across the desert. Dean lifts Sam up into his lap, holding him tight against him as they watch explosions of reds and blues that light up the town around them. 

“Happy anniversary,” Sam says with a soft smile as he looks at Dean, bathed in blue light for a moment. 

“I hope this one’s better,” Dean says as he kisses Sam.

“This one’s the best,” Sam says against Dean’s lips.


	42. July 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for mention of suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The heat of the July day was fading quickly into a comfortable warmth as darkness fell over the small desert town. It was quiet and calm where they were, the low hum of a generator nearby and the occasional car passing were the only sounds breaking the silence of the outskirts of town. The metal rungs of the ladder feel cool against the skin of his hands as he climbs. Tiny flecks of chipped white paint cling to his palms and the electric buzz of excitement fills his chest.

He steps onto the catwalk at the top of the water tower and sets his backpack against the tank. The earthy smell of old wood and rust hangs in the air as he takes Sam’s hand to help him up. Lights from the town below cast a dim orange glow over the area and just enough reaches them that they can see. Dean lays out a blanket on the wood planks and Sam is standing at the railing and leaning over as far as he can so Dean opens two beers and joins him.

 

“That’s no way to live,” Dean says, breaking the silence. He gestures out to the neighborhoods in the distance with his bottle before taking another drink, “going to work everyday just so you can afford a house to live in and the car you need to drive to work. Coming home to a loveless marriage and kids who hate you, every single day until you’re too old to and then you die slowly and no one cares.”

“The American dream,” Sam nods and takes a drink.

“It’s not even living, it’s existing. Life should be wild and unexpected, free” Dean pauses as he takes another drink, “you and me? What we do? That’s living,” he continues.

“They don’t even know what they’re missing,” Sam says and finishes the rest of his beer. He throws the bottle over the rail, the sound of shattering glass on the pavement below echoes around them.

“Dumbshits!” Dean yells into the night and tosses his bottle over the rail too. He goes back to their bag to grab two more bottles.

“We did something right to end up here,” Sam says as Dean stands next to him again and hands him another bottle.

“We did everything right,” Dean says into the bottle before taking a drink, “with no help from anyone,” he adds.

“We’re better for it,” Sam says as he turns to look at Dean. He smiles and leans forward to press a kiss to Dean’s lips.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Dean says softly as he pulls back, his eyes moving from Sam’s lips to his eyes.

“That is so cheesy,” Sam laughs, uselessly trying to make joke when Dean can read him like a book. He takes another long swig off his bottle and looks out over the town.

“You can joke all you want, it’s okay. I know you feel the same way,” Dean smiles.

“I do,” Sam says and leans in to kiss Dean again. Sam’s lips are soft and beer bitter, he opens up and Dean’s eyes fall shut. He pushes his fingers through the hair on the back of Sam’s neck as he cradles Sam’s head in his hand. Sam’s hand is resting on his chest and as they kiss his fingers close around the fabric of Dean’s shirt.

His eyes open when Sam steps back to pull his shirt over his head, dropping it onto the wood floor of the catwalk. Sam pops the buttons on his shorts and Dean watches over his bottle as he pushes them down over his hips, letting them fall to his feet. One last drink and Dean tosses the bottle over the rail before stepping forward, pressing in close against the warmth of Sam’s body. He kisses and licks down Sam’s neck, feeling Sam’s throat work against his lips as Sam downs the rest of his beer.

A car passes on the road near them and Sam turns around, climbing up to sit on the top rail. Dean steps between Sam’s spread legs and kisses him again. He grips the railing as Sam wraps his arms around his neck and kisses back.

“Would you push me if I asked you too?” Sam asks, his voice low against Dean’s mouth and Dean sighs, “I know you would,” Sam says as he nips at Dean’s lips, “and you’d jump right after me, even if I didn’t ask you to.”

“I wouldn’t hesitate,” Dean smiles as a train whistle echos across the town.


	43. September 1999

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by enamourous

“Could’ve at least found us a house without broken windows to squat in, _baby_ ” Sam said, mimicking Dean and looking at the broken glass jutting from the window frame from where he was laying on the dirty floor. Dean picked up a beer bottle lying next to him and aimed it at the last shard of intact glass in the frame. The bottle took the glass clean out and shattered loudly somewhere on the pavement outside. Sam rolled his eyes and shifted the sucker he’d swiped from the 7/11 a town back to the other cheek.

“Wish granted. No window at all now,” Dean flashed him a grin in the dim light.

“Or a mattress, that’d be nice,” Sam whined, stretching out and letting his thin t-shirt rise up on his abdomen.

“You ain’t worth the twenty bucks I spent on you.” Dean said, crawling over from where he was sitting cross legged on the floor. “You complain too much.”

“I ain’t worth a dime if you don’t fuck me, shy guy.”

Sam pulled the sucker out of his mouth and Dean bent down to kiss him deep, not breaking to sling a knee over Sam’s body so he was propped above him.

“Don’t need a mattress to fuck you,” Dean said low when he finally pulled away. “You know that.”

“Gonna tell me about it some more?”

When Sam made to put the sucker back in his mouth Dean caught his wrist and pinned it to the ground, before lowering his body against his brothers’ and kissing him again hard.

“Not if you show me what else that smart ass mouth of yours can do.”


	44. September 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

Bright, colored lights are swimming around his vision and the sounds of the games surrounding them are ringing in his ears. It’s late and the arcade is empty except for the attendant at the front desk. They've staked out the back corner as theirs and Dean is leaning against a wall working on a beer.

He has his eyes locked on where Sam is leaning over a pinball machine. He’s leaning his weight on one foot, pushing his hip out, as he bends over farther and pulls the ball launch his shorts ride up above the crease of his ass. Dean takes another swig.

Sam is pushing his fingers through his hair, biting his lip, and glancing at Dean through half lidded eyes. Dean knows exactly what Sam is doing, and he knows Sam knows he’s going to get exactly what he wants. He downs the rest of his beer and with a glance around, strolls over to where Sam is standing.

He grabs onto Sam’s hips and grinds against his ass making Sam gasp and arch his back.

“This what you want, Sam?” Dean whispers against Sam’s ear, “want me to bend you over this pinball machine?” He asks as Sam pushes his ass back against him, “want me to fuck you right here, where anyone could see?” Dean rolls his hips again.

“What do you think?” Sam smiles as he reaches down to work open his fly.

Dean opens his jeans as Sam pushes his shorts down his thighs and bends over, laying his chest against the glass. He pushes Sam’s shirt up and rolls his hips, grinding his dick against the crack of Sam’s ass.

“Think we can finish before someone comes around that corner?” Dean asks as he digs in his pocket for his wallet where he finds the tiny packet of lube he keeps in there. He rips it open with his teeth and spreads some onto his fingers.

“Fuck,” Sam groans at the thought. He holds himself open as Dean presses his index finger into him. He makes quick work of opening Sam up and slicking himself before he lines up and presses in.

Dean lays a hand over Sam’s where he’s gripping the side of the machine for support and rolls his hips against Sam’s ass. He drops his slick hand down and wraps it around Sam’s dick, pushing Sam forward into it with every thrust. Sam’s moans turn to whimpers as he gets closer, Dean can hear the little ah-ah-ahs over the sound of the games surrounding them, so he strokes faster.

Sam’s muscles flutter and he comes onto the cool metal of the pinball machine. Dean works him through his aftershocks and cups him in his hand as he fucks into him faster. As he gets closer to the edge Sam leans up and turns to pull him into a kiss. Dean’s hips slow and shudder as he comes, rocking slowly into Sam through the waves.

When he pulls out after what felt like hours, he drops to his knees and licks up his come slipping down Sam’s thigh. He spreads Sam open and laps at his ass, running his tongue across Sam’s smooth skin until Sam turns around. He pulls Dean up and kisses him, licking the traces of come out of his mouth.

“Let’s get out of here,” Sam grins as he pulls back.

They tuck themselves into their jeans and make their way toward the front door, Dean’s arm around Sam’s shoulder and Sam’s hand tucked into Dean’s back pocket. Smiles on both of their faces.


	45. November 1999

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

Sam is leaning over the worn wooden bar, resting his weight on one foot, working on a beer. The lights above them are dim and the air is thick with smoke. Dean’s eyes trace down the curve of Sam’s back, and as Sam shifts his weight to his other foot, his eyes drift lower. Dean rubs his hand across his mouth absentmindedly and takes another drink, he knows exactly what Sam is doing. He watches as Sam licks at the mouth of his beer then wraps his lips around it and tips his head back. Dean hears a cough from the back corner of the bar and pulls his eyes away from Sam to look. The men there are sitting in a haze of smoke, watching Sam. Dean knows exactly what Sam is doing, but that doesn’t stop him from falling for it again.

The men drag their eyes over his brother’s body and lean in to whisper things to each other as Sam sucks on his beer. Dean’s pulse rises as thoughts of them picturing the things they want to do to Sam flood his mind. Sam on his knees, swallowing them down. He turns back to the bar and stares down at his drink. Sam bent over the bar as they take their turns with him. He clenches his jaw to the point of pain. Sam begging for it. Dean loosens his grip on his glass and flexes his stiff fingers. Sam laughs at something the bartender says and turns to look at the men in the corner. Dean focuses on the thoughts, repeating over and over again, unable to stop.

Dean feels Sam’s hand slide up his thigh. He looks over and Sam is leaning with his back against the bar now, still looking at the men in the corner. Dean downs the rest of his drink in one swallow and slams the empty glass down on the bar. The bar goes quiet and Sam turns to look over at Dean as he stands. He takes hold of Sam’s wrist and pulls him toward the bathroom at the back of the bar. Sam grins as they pass by the men in the corner.

The door swings open as Dean pushes through it and the smell of stale smoke and piss lingering in the air hits him. He flips the light switch and the harsh fluorescents flicker as they buzz to life. He pulls Sam into the room with him and leads him to into the only stall. The partitions are covered in stains and writing, and Dean stands by the toilet as Sam shuts the stall door behind them. Dean hears the click of the lock sliding into place and steps forward to press Sam against the door. He slides one hand up to rest around Sam’s throat as he kisses down Sam’s neck and pushes his other hand up under Sam’s shirt. As Dean rolls his hips against Sam’s ass, Sam’s head falls back against Dean’s shoulder and he lets out a soft moan.

“This what you wanted?” Dean asks against the skin of Sam’s neck.

“Just fuck me up,” Sam breathes out. 

Dean increases his grip on Sam’s throat for a moment before letting go and dropping his hands to Sam’s waist. He pops the buttons on Sam’s fly open and yanks his jeans down past his knees. Sam’s half hard dick brushes against the cool surface of the door and Dean feels him shiver. He steps back and reaches into his pocket for his wallet, and pulls out the tiny packet of lube he keeps there, he rips the packet open with his teeth and pours it onto his fingers. He spreads Sam’s cheeks apart with one hand and circles Sam’s hole with the first two fingers of the other, then pushes through into the silken heat inside of him.

Sam’s choked out little whimpers are muffled against the door as Dean pumps his fingers into him rough, again and again. He rocks his hips back against Dean’s hand as Dean works him open, needy for more.

“Fuck,” Sam whimpers, “c’mon.”

Dean pulls his fingers out and flips Sam around. He pulls Sam’s jeans the rest of the way down and Sam kicks them off, leaving them in a pile next to them. Dean unbuckles his belt, pulls his fly apart, and shoves his jeans down under his ass. He strokes his dick a few times, spreading what’s left of the lube over it and grabs Sam’s thighs and lifts him up, pressing him against the stall’s partition. Sam wraps his legs around Dean’s waist as Dean lines up and nudges into him. Sam lets out a long broken moan as he sinks down onto Dean’s cock. Dean waits for a moment then pulls out and adjusts his grip, making sure Sam is supported, then pushes back in. He feels Sam’s muscles gripping him as he fills the familiar space inside his brother.

Sam wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and Dean feels him panting against his skin as he starts moving in him. The partition jostles on it’s bolts with every thrust as Dean fucks his jealousy and rage away into Sam. His thoughts disappear and soon he feels Sam’s muscles contract around him as he comes, he slows his pace, savoring every second of it. Dean crushes his lips against Sam’s slack mouth, trapping Sam’s moans between them. It’s clumsy and rushed and over too fast. Dean pulls back, breaking the kiss and drives into Sam fast, he feels the pressure inside him building until the last moment when he pushes into Sam as deep as he can and freezes as wave after wave rolls through him. He holds onto Sam tight as he spills into him again and again.

Dean lets out shaky breaths against Sam’s neck as he stills. Sam huffs out a laugh and drops his head back against the partition, and Dean lifts his head to looks him. His hair is sticking to his face and neck and his face is flushed. Sam never looks more beautiful than he does in these moments. Dean pulls out slowly and sets Sam down. He kisses Sam again, this time it’s slow and warm and full of everything they need to say to each other. They stop to breathe and Dean kneels down, he reaches between Sam’s legs and gathers his come slipping down Sam’s thighs. He stands and smears it across the door.

Dean tucks himself back in as Sam gathers his jeans from the floor, he helps Sam balance as he pulls them back on.

“Let’s get out of here,” Dean grins.

They walk out looking like a mess, with smiles on their faces and Sam’s come drying on Dean’s shirt.


	46. August 2000 or Pink Flamingo Motel pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


There is a motel forty miles outside of Carson City called the Pink Flamingo. It sits on the side of the highway, across from a gas station, surrounded by miles of desert and not much else. The motel itself is painted a bright, obnoxious fuchsia, to match the sign out front.

They arrive after dark, the neon reflects off the hood of the car as Dean pulls into a spot. The half full parking lot is covered in a hot pink glow. They get out of the car and the Sam stops for a moment to look around as Dean disappears into the office. He kicks at the gravel with the toe of his sneaker as he walks over to the cement planter surrounding the base of the sign. It’s full of tropical plants and Sam reaches out to touch a shining leaf. The texture feels off, too smooth, and then he realizes they’re plastic.

“We’re on the second floor!” Dean’s voice comes from the base of the stairs. Sam lets go of the leaf and jogs over to where Dean is waiting.

“I like this place,” Sam says as he follows Dean up the stairs, “it’s a lot nicer than most places we stay.”

“I figured you would, so I booked us for a couple days,” Dean says as he reaches the second floor.

“Really?” Sam asks.

“Yeah,” Dean smiles, “we’re in room 204.”

Their room is covered in tropical print wallpaper and pink fixtures. Sam walks in and falls immediately onto the bed, it’s soft and smells like detergent and he takes a deep breath as he gathers one of the pillows in his arms.

“I’m going to go down and get our bags,” Dean says, looking at Sam curled into a ball on the bed, “do you want anything from the gas station?”

Sam turns over and smiles at Dean, “I’ll take a cherry slushie if they have them, and something to eat, a bag of chips or something.”

“You got it, babe,” Dean says as shuts the door behind him.

Sam scoots off the bed and walks over to the bathroom door. The bathroom is covered in more tropical wallpaper, with a pink toilet and a pink bathtub surrounded by lighter pink tiles. There is a counter under a big mirror on the wall, with a pink sink in the center. In the corner there is a little tray with tiny bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. He picks one up and pops the lid open, it smells like coconut. He kicks off his shoes and turns the hot water on and the shower head sputters to life. The bathroom begins to fill with steam as he strips off the rest of his clothes and kicks them into the corner. He gathers up the little bottles and grabs one of the pink washcloths off the rack and sets them on the edge of the tub. He steps under the water and closes his eyes. When he opens the door again and steps out into the room, Dean is back and sitting on the edge of the bed watching the TV.

“Feel better?” Dean smiles as he asks.

“Much,” Sam answers as he rubs the towel through his hair and hangs it on the hook on the door. He walks over to the dresser where his slushie is sitting next to the TV, with a bag of Cheetos, and a six pack.

“Mmm,” Sam hums as he sucks up a mouthful of freezing cherry flavor, “thank you.”

“You smell good,” Dean says from the bed, “like coconuts.”

“It’s the shampoo and stuff this room comes with. I left you some, it’s sitting in the shower.” Sam says as he flops down onto the bed on his stomach, letting his skin air dry under the fan on the ceiling.

“Yeah, I think I could use one right about now, I probably stink,” Dean shifts so he can see Sam.

“I like the way you smell,” Sam smiles up at him with his straw between his teeth, “but yeah, you could probably use a shower,” he laughs.

Dean reaches over and ruffles Sam’s hair, pushing it down into his face, and stands up. Sam shakes his hair back out of his eyes and watches Dean pull his t-shirt over his head and slip out of his jeans. Dean disappears into the bathroom and Sam hears the shower start. He takes another drink and turns his head so he can see the TV. The man on the screen is selling cooking equipment, some kind of little grill. There are burgers sizzling on the grate and Sam feels his stomach rumble, wishing there was a burger place near by. He watches the sales pitch and enjoys his slushie until he hears the shower shut off.

Dean walks back into the room, rubbing himself down with one of the towels, then hangs it up and walks over to the bed. He grabs the six pack and climbs onto the mattress behind Sam. Sam feels Dean lips on his skin as Dean kisses up the back of Sam’s thigh. Sam bites down on his straw as Dean’s lips reach his ass, then Dean stops and flops over next to him on his back. He pulls one of the beers off the six pack and sets the rest on the night stand. He lays down against the pillows and pops the can open.

Sam wakes up the next morning pressed against Dean’s side. He stretches and pulls the sheet off of himself and climbs out of the bed. His half empty melted slushie is sitting on the nightstand next to six empty cans and he finds the little garbage can and tosses the mess in there. He opens his duffle and finds socks, underwear, and shorts and pulls them on. He digs around for a clean t-shirt and ends up just borrowing one of Dean’s. The curtains are pulled shut and Sam can see sun peaking out from around the edges, so he pulls them open. Sunlight floods room and Dean stirs and shades his eyes with his hand.

“Morning sunshine,” Sam sings.

“Mornin’” Dean yawns as he stretches in the bed, “how did you sleep?” He asks, his voice still sleep rough.

“Great, you?” Sam answers as fishes his toothbrush and some toothpaste out of Dean’s bag.

“Awesome,” Dean says and he throws the sheet off and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. He rubs the back of his neck as he yawns again, and stands up. Sam stands in front of the mirror and runs his toothbrush under the faucet. Dean walks in and flips the seat on the toilet up and lets loose a steady stream into the bowl. When he finishes he flushes and steps behind Sam, he wraps his arms around Sam’s waist and kisses the side of his face. Sam spits into the sink and rinses his mouth out, then stands back up and turns around in Dean’s arms. He tastes Dean’s sour morning beer breath as he kisses him.

“I think you need some of this,” Sam says as he pulls back and grabs the toothpaste from the counter.


	47. August 2000 or Pink Flamingo Motel pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


“Does this place have a pool?” Sam asks, as he digs into the Cheetos bag.

“Yeah,” Dean answers from the bathroom.

“Let’s go down there then,” Sam says as he rolls the bag up and sets it back on the dresser.

The pool is in the middle of a courtyard, surrounded by the pink walls of the rooms. There are palm trees around the edge and more plastic tropical flowers in pots. Around the edge of the pool there are people laying in lounge chairs and kids playing in the water.

Sam kicks his shoes off and tucks his socks into them. He walks up to the edge and sits down, kicking his feet through the water. Dean rolls his jeans up to his knees and sits next to Sam.

“I’m going to run back into town and get some provisions, we need some food that isn’t covered in cheese dust,” Dean says as he stands back up, “you coming?”

“No, I’ll stay here and enjoy the pool,” Sam says as he looks up at Dean.

“Alright, I’ll be back in an hour or two,” Dean says, looking around the courtyard.

“Sounds good, I’ll be here waiting,” Sam smiles.

Sam sits at the pools edge, moving his feet through the water, watching the children laugh and play. They throw the beach ball and it floats over to where Sam is sitting, so he picks it up out of the water and throws it back to them.

“What’s your name, kid?” Sam hears from behind him, he turns around. There is a woman sitting up on one of the lounge chairs, she’s got to be in her seventies. She’s wearing a big flowy orange and pink floral print dress and sunglasses too big for her face. She taps her cigarette into the ashtray sitting on the side table next to her.

“Sam, what’s yours?” Sam answers. She smiles and lifts her sunglasses up to rest on top of her head surrounded by big blonde curls.

“Candy, Candy Darling,” she motions to the lounge chair next to her. “What brings you out here, Sam?” She asks. Sam pulls his feet out of the water and walks to the chair and sits.

“I just graduated high school, my big brother is taking me on a graduation road trip,” Sam lies.

“Well good for you!” She smiles wide, she has bright pink lipstick on her teeth, “do you want a drink?” she asks as she sips on hers.

“No, I’m alright, thanks though.”

“Suit yourself,” she says as she sets her drink back down.

“What about you?” Sam asks.

“What about me what?” She looks over at him.

“What are you doing out here?” He asks again.

“Living the dream,” she says as she tips her sunglasses back down over her eyes.

“Good answer,” Sam says and lays back against the lounge chair. He sits there, talking to Candy and soaking up the bright summer sun.

“How come you’re not swimming?” She asks, after a few minutes of silence between them.

“I don’t have anything to swim in,” Sam says.

“I think I probably have something you can borrow in my room,” she says as she moves to get up. She slips on her pink feather kitten heels and motions for Sam to follow, which Sam does.

Her room is full of stuff, old pictures, clothes, flowers in hanging macrame pots. She has a small dining table in the corner with two chairs, and a big floral rug on the floor.

“Do you live here?” Sam asks, walking into the room.

“Live here and own it,” she answers, shutting the door behind them.

“You own the motel? That’s amazing!” Sam says, taking in his surroundings, “I love this place.”

“Opened it up with my late husband, Clyde,” she says, digging through a drawer, “years and years ago,” she continues.

“Mr. Darling?” Sam asks, she looks over at him and smiles. Sam walks over to her closet, it’s full of old dresses and coats, fur and feathers and sequins. He picks up a boa and the feathers slide through his fingers. On the wall next to him is an old black and white photo of a showgirl.

“Is that you?” he asks.

“You bet, used to be a dancer in Vegas,” she says, rummaging through another drawer.

“That must have been amazing,” Sam says as he runs his hand down the sleeve of one of the fur coats.

“Best time of my life,” she answers. He explores through the room as she continues to search and then she stops.

“Sorry kid, can’t find what I was looking for,” she says shutting the drawer.

“That’s okay, I appreciate the offer,” Sam smiles at her, “and I enjoyed seeing all your things. But I should really get going, my brother will be back soon.”

“Oh, you can stop by anytime, I’ll make us mimosas and I can tell you all about the old days,” she says making her way back to the door, “and you can tell me about this brother of yours.”

Sam climbs the stairs back to their room and switches on the TV. Soon he hears the keys in the lock to the door and Dean walks in.

“Got us some real food,” he says as he drops the bags and the keys onto the dresser.

“Great, I’m starving,” Sam says, scooting off the bed. He digs into one of the paper bags and pulls out a burger in a wrapper. Dean hands him one of the cokes and he sits back down on the bed.

“How was your afternoon?” Dean asks, with a mouthful of food.

“I met someone,” Sam says around his straw, “her name’s Candy and she’s an old showgirl from Vegas,” he continues.

“Really?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, and she owns the motel. She’s really nice and she invited me to her room,” he says and takes a bite of burger, “she has so much cool old stuff,” he continues, “she was so glamorous. She uses Chanel No.5 because ‘that’s what Marilyn used to wear’,” Sam says and takes another bite.

“Sounds like you had fun,” Dean smiles and nudges Sam with his arm.

“I did,” Sam laughs.


	48. August 2000 or Pink Flamingo Motel pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


“Let’s go down to the pool,” Sam says from the window. Dean is lying on the bed watching another Gilligan’s Island rerun.

“Yeah?” Dean asks, looking over at him.

“It’s late enough, I bet nobody’s down there,” Sam answers, looking back out the window.

“Okay,” Dean says and he switches off the TV.

The curtains on all the windows are shut, and there are no lights on in any of the rooms, the moon is casting a cool blue glow over everything. Sam walks up to the pool’s edge and toes his shoes off, he dips a foot in and swishes it through the water. He unbuttons his shorts and pulls them down and kicks them off next to his shoes, then pulls his shirt off over his head. He looks over his shoulder at Dean, standing by one of the lounge chairs and pulls his briefs down and off. He sits on the pools edge then slips into the water and swims to the middle.

“Come on,” Sam says and dips his head back into the water. Dean strips down and leaves his clothes in a pile with Sam’s and jumps in, the splash is loud in the silence of the night. When Dean surfaces he looks over and Sam grins at him. Sam lays back and floats, looking up at the stars in the night sky. Dean swims back to the edge and pulls himself out of the water. He digs through the pockets of his jeans and pulls out a lighter and pack of cigarettes. Sam watches him as Dean lights up and takes a drag.

Dean lays back on the ground, his feet still in the water, and exhales smoke into the air. Sam swims over to where Dean is lying and kisses the side of Dean’s knee. Dean spreads his legs wider and Sam moves his lips up Dean’s thigh. Dean takes another drag and Sam presses a kiss to the crease of Dean’s hip and rests his cheek against Dean’s soft dick. As Dean exhales, Sam nuzzles his nose against Dean’s balls and he hears Dean hum in approval. Dean slides his free hand down his stomach and rubs his palm down against his dick, before wrapping his hand around it and stroking it, softly. He lets go of his half hard dick and Sam presses a wet, open mouth kiss to the base of it. Dean sits up and looks around.

“This is a nice set up they got here,” Dean says and takes another drag, absentmindedly rubbing his dick with his other hand. Sam pushes off the edge and swims out to the middle again.

“It’s beautiful,” Sam says, looking up. Dean puts his cigarette out in the water and tosses it on the ground. He slips back into the water and swims over to where Sam is floating.

They stay at the pool until the early hours of the morning and then gather their clothes and make their way back to their room without bothering to dress. Dean starts the shower and Sam steps under the hot water with him. They wash the strong smell of chlorine off each other and dry off quickly before climbing into bed.

The next day, Sam wakes up before Dean again. He pulls on Dean’s t-shirt, does his morning routine and eats a small breakfast. When Dean doesn’t wake up, Sam carefully pulls the sheet down and straddles Dean’s hips.

“Time to wake up,” Sam says quietly in Dean’s ear, rubbing his bare ass on Dean’s dick. Dean doesn’t open his eyes, so Sam stops.

“No, keep going,” Dean says and smiles, eyes still closed.

“Yeah?” Sam asks and rolls his hips again.

“Yeah,” Dean says as he stretches. He rests his hands on Sam’s hips as Sam rubs against him. Sam watches Dean’s eyebrows pull tight as he lets out a groan and bucks his hips up against Sam’s ass. Sam keeps going until he feels Dean coming beneath him. Sam rolls his hips, working Dean through it, his skin slipping against the mess on Dean’s stomach. 

“Good morning,” Dean says and lets out a shaky laugh. He opens his eyes and smiles at Sam. “Come here.” Sam scoots up Dean’s chest and Dean wraps his hand around Sam’s hard dick and guides it into his mouth.

…

Sam skips down the stairs and into the courtyard, then walks over to Candy’s door and knocks. It takes a moment but she answers.

“Just wanted to come by and say hi,” Sam says.

“Hey there, are you having a nice day?” She asks him as she holds the door open and gestures for him to come in.

“Yes ma’am, are you?” He asks her as he steps in. He sits at her table and listens to story after story from her past, she shows him different things from around her room, and he takes it all in. In one of the drawers he sees a camera, and asks about it. She tells him it’s a Polaroid camera and that he can have it if he wants, he accepts excitedly and she hands him a box of film.

He leaves a while later and heads back up to their room.

“Hey, look what Candy gave me,” he says as he closes the door behind him.

“Is that a Polariod?” Dean asks.

“Yup,” Sam says, bringing the camera up to his eye and clicking the button.

“Oh,” Dean says, “we could have fun with that,” he grins.

“I plan on it,” Sam says, taking the picture from the camera and setting it on the dresser.


	49. August 2000 or Pink Flamingo Motel pt. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


They spend the day down at the pool again, Sam introduces Dean to Candy and she says he’s very handsome, and that all the girls must be all over him.

“You have no idea,” Sam says and nudges Dean with his elbow.

Once it’s almost dark, they climb the stairs back up to their room. Sam opens the door and walks into the dim room. The light from the neon sign outside is flooding in through the open blinds casting bright pink lines across the room. Sam walks in and falls back against the bed, he props himself up on his elbows and watches as Dean closes and locks the door behind them. Dean reaches for the light switch and Sam tells him to leave them off.

Sam plays with the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and moving it around, while giving Dean a little smile. Dean walks over to the bed and climbs over Sam, he presses his mouth to Sam’s and Sam immediately opens up and kisses him back. Dean kisses him hungrily, pushing to get more and more. He pulls back to catch his breath, looking back and forth between Sam’s eyes, then moves back in. Sam reaches down and unbuttons his jeans as he kisses Dean. He lifts his hips up as much as he can to push his jeans down and Dean breaks away and sits up on his knees. He pulls Sam’s jeans down and off and Sam pulls his shirt over his head.

Sam spreads his legs wide and watches as Dean walks over to his duffle and pulls out the bottle of lube. He tosses it on the bed next to Sam and unbuttons his jeans and pulls them down and kicks them off onto the floor. Dean pulls his shirt off and drops back down on top of Sam. He kisses him again and then trails down Sam’s jaw to his neck. Sam squirms beneath him, rubbing his dick against Dean’s. He kisses down Sam’s collarbone to his chest, he licks his lips and presses an open mouth kiss to Sam’s nipple and nips at it, making Sam whimper.

He makes his way down Sam’s abdomen to his hips and peppers kisses down the bone to Sam’s thigh. He pushes Sam’s legs up toward his chest and Sam grabs his knees to hold them in place. Dean licks up the underside of Sam’s dick, then spreads Sam’s cheeks apart with his hands, using his thumbs to rub Sam’s hole. Sam feels the heat of Dean’s tongue roll through him as he licks at his hole. Dean presses his tongue into him and Sam lets out a moan, he drops his head back closes his eyes. He adjusts the grip on his knees and focuses on relaxing and opening himself up to let Dean in. He feels Dean press a thumb in, he pulls at the ring of muscle opening it more and pushes his tongue back inside.

“If I lived forever, I would never get tired of this,” Sam says and lets out a breathy laugh.

“Fuck, me neither,” Dean says, his voice muffled against him.

Dean pushes his other thumb in and spreads Sam’s hole, he pushes his tongue in as far as he can and flicks it against Sam’s inside, making Sam whimper and squirm against his face. Dean pulls his thumbs out wipes his face on the sheet. He kisses Sam’s inner thigh as his slips two fingers into him. He rubs them inside him and Sam lets out a moan as precome drips onto his stomach. Dean licks at his hole again then pulls his fingers free. He reaches for the bottle next to Sam and pops it open, he drips some onto his fingers and slips them back in Sam, rubbing them around, slicking Sam up. He pulls them out and rubs them around Sam’s hole. He drips it into his palm and rubs it around the head of his dick and then down the length.

Dean grips onto his dick and rubs the tip against Sam’s slick hole, then pushes through the stretched ring of muscle. Sam lets go of his knees and drops a hand down to his ass and feels Dean’s cock disappearing into him. Dean’s dick slides against his fingers as he sinks into him. When he feels the press of Dean’s body against him, he lifts his hands to rest on his lower stomach. Dean rolls his hips, rubbing his dick against Sam’s insides, making Sam squirm. He pulls back, then sinks back in, pushing a long moan out of Sam. Sam takes a hold of his flushed dick and strokes it, matching Dean’s rhythm as Dean begins rocking into him.

Sam pants as Dean fucks into him, every time Dean hits just right it pushes a broken whimper out of him. His hand slows as he feels the heavy pressure start to build, low in his gut. His muscles start to pull tight as he gets closer. His hips lift up off the mattress and his toes curl as his his body tips over the edge and he comes. His muscles contract in waves as he spills again and again across his stomach and chest. He lays his arm above his head and pants as Dean pushes the last drops out of him.

He feels Dean pull back and then slip out of him entirely, leaving Sam feeling empty. Before he opens his eyes to see what Dean’s doing, he hears the Polaroid go off. Dean pulls the picture out and sets it on the dresser with the other one then walks back over to the bed.

“You look so good,” Dean says. He climbs back above Sam and kisses him again, this time slow and sweet. Sam can taste himself on Dean’s tongue and feel the heat of the slick underside of Dean’s cock on his stomach. Dean rubs against Sam as he kisses him, leaking onto Sam’s skin. Sam pulls back, breaking the kiss.

“Finish in me,” he says and Dean nips at his bottom lip then nods. He scoots down the bed and nudges back inside Sam. He fucks into Sam fast a few times then slows his pace until Sam feels him push in as deep as he can. Dean’s cock twitches inside him and he lets out a groan as he spills into Sam, he rocks into him slow until he’s finished then pulls out. He settles back down between Sam’s spread legs and licks at Sam’s open hole, the heat of Dean’s tongue feeling good on his sore skin, then Dean closes his lips around the puckered skin and sucks. Sam squirms against Dean’s face as Dean licks him clean. When he’s done he kisses Sam’s hip again and climbs up the bed and lays down next to him.

They fall asleep in a mess of sticky sheets. 


	50. August 2000 or Pink Flamingo Motel pt. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

  


The next morning Sam peels the sheet off his stomach and jumps in the shower. He gets dressed and decides he wants another cherry slushie, so he locks the door behind him and crosses the highway to the gas station.

He’s standing at the slushie machine filling up a cup when a man about Dean’s age walks up next to him and leans against the counter.

“Haven’t seen you around here before,” he says.

“Nope, haven’t seen you around here either,” Sam answers, he doesn’t take his eyes off the machine.

“You’re a funny one huh? Alright,” the man says, “what’s your name?”

“Not interested,” Sam answers.

“Not interested, now that’s a name I’ve never heard before,” he laughs and reaches over to touch a piece of Sam’s hair near his cheek. Sam moves his head out of the way and the man drops his hand.

“My name’s Bill,” the man says, “but my friends call me Buck,” Sam lets out a long drawn out sigh, as Bill continues, “can you guess why that is?” Sam doesn’t answer, he walks around Bill and makes his way toward the register.

“I’ll get it,” Bill says.

“No, really, I’m not-” Bill hands the cashier the money before Sam can finish.

“Don’t worry, you don’t owe me,” Bill says and smiles at Sam and it makes Sam’s skin crawl. Sam turns to head out the door and Bill follows him, he puts his hand on Sam’s lower back and Sam shrugs it off.

“What’s your problem, sweetheart?” he says as the door closes behind them, “I’m a nice guy, I even bought your drink for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” Sam says as he walks into the parking lot. Bill steps in front of him.

“I know you didn’t ask me to, I did it out of the goodness of my own heart, now it’s your turn,” he says, as he tries to touch Sam again.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam asks, looking Bill straight in the eyes.

“What?” Bill asks, taken aback.

“What do you want from me, Bill?” Sam asks, and Bill smiles at him again.

“I want you to get in my truck and then you tell me what,” Bill says.

“You want me to suck your dick or something?” Sam asks.

“Whatever you want, baby,” Bill says, brushing Sam’s hair away from his face.

“Alright,” Sam says. He takes a sip of his slushie and connects his foot with Bill’s balls. Bill drops to his knees and clutches himself as Sam walks away back toward the motel. Bill yells slurs and threats at him as he crosses the highway.

Sam opens the door to the room and closes it behind him. Dean is in the shower so Sam sits down on the edge of the bed and switches on the TV. He sucks down cherry slushie and watches a sitcom he’s never seen before as he waits. Dean shuts the water off and steps out onto the rug. He dries himself off and walks over to the dresser, he rummages through one of the plastic bags and pulls out a boxed fruit pie. He sits down next to Sam and takes a bite.

“How was your morning?” he asks Sam.

“Ah, it was fine, I went over to the gas station,” he says, motioning at his slushie.

“Right,” Dean laughs and takes another bite of pie.

They sit and watch TV as they eat their breakfast. Sam finishes his slushie and goes to throw it away, he stops to glance out the window and sees Bill’s truck pull into the parking lot.

“Hey, Dean?” Sam asks, still looking out the window.

“Yeah?” Dean answers. The truck parks and four guys get out. They head for the front office.

“We need to go,” Sam says, “like now.”

“What’s going on?” Dean asks, worry on his face.

“It’s nothing, we just have to go,” he says, throwing clothes into their bags. Not wanting to make a bigger deal out of it then it needs to be.

“Okay,” Dean says and he pulls some clothes on.

They throw the bags over their shoulders and shut the door behind them. They climb down the stairs into the parking lot and Sam drops the bag to pick up a large rock. He walks over to Bill’s truck and throws it as hard as he can. It shatters Bill’s driver side window and he runs back to pick up his bag and jump into their car as fast as he can. As they peel out of the parking lot he sees Bill and his friends rush out of the office.


	51. December 31, 2000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for public sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

They parked in a remote spot with ten other cars and a few bikes, all surrounding a bonfire. The sun has set on December 31st and the desert air is cool but still warm enough to be comfortable. Sam is sitting on the hood of their car with Dean’s arm around him and his head resting on Dean’s shoulder. After Dean takes a swig off the bottle of R&R he swiped, he passes it and Sam takes a sip and winces, it tastes like shit but he feels good. 

The rowdy group they’ve been riding with are drinking and howling and dancing around the fire. Music is coming from one of the cars and people are laughing and falling down. There is a couple getting frisky on the ground across from them. The air is buzzing with energy, Sam closes his eyes and nestles farther into Dean’s shoulder. He feels content and safe, and he wants to feel Dean.

He tucks a hand up under Dean’s t-shirt and rests it against the warm skin of Dean’s stomach, just above the waistband of his jeans. He strokes his thumb absentmindedly, ghosting over the soft hair there. When he opens his eyes it’s darker and the air is cooler, he isn’t sure how much time has passed. His body feels pleasant and heavy, and the almost constant want he feels for Dean is bordering on need. Moving his hand lower he pops the top button on Dean’s jeans and slips his hand in. He pushes his fingers through the coarse hair and cups his hand around Dean’s soft dick. The heavy warmth in his hand is comforting and he could sit like this for hours, just holding him.

Sam kisses Dean’s shoulder and rests his head down again as Dean pulls him tighter against him. He feels Dean shift to make more room, spreading his legs a little wider and Sam presses his palm softly against him. Dean takes another swig as Sam works him slow, rubbing until he feels Dean’s dick twitch as it begins to harden against his palm.

“Let’s fuck” Sam leans up and whispers into Dean’s ear. He strokes him one more time before he withdraws and takes a hold of Dean’s hand as he jumps off the hood. He strips off his jacket and kicks his shoes into the dirt. Dean grabs their Navajo patterned blanket out of the trunk and lays it across the backseat. Sam slides in lays back, resting his head against the door frame, using his jacket as a pillow. He watches Dean shed his own jacket and reach behind him to pull his shirt off over his head. Dean drops the clothing in a heap on the floorboard and climbs in, shutting the door behind him.

Sam spreads his legs to make room as Dean crawls forward and settles above him. The fire outside fills the car with flickering yellow firelight. It plays across Dean’s bare skin and shines off his tongue as he wets his lips. He leans in and kisses Sam, slow and lazy, and rolls his hips, grinding his half hard dick down against Sam’s. They work together, Sam’s hips raising up to meet Dean’s as he rolls them down. The slow friction of denim against his skin and the thought of having Dean inside him has Sam filling in his jeans.

He reaches down to unbutton his fly and Dean breaks away from his mouth, biting and pulling gently on his bottom lip as he leans back. He sits back and rests on his heels as Sam raises his hips off the seat. Dean pulls Sam’s jeans and briefs down and off. The cool air rushes against his heated skin and he shivers.

Dean scoots back and pushes Sam’s legs apart and up towards his chest, spreading them wide. Sam meets Dean’s hands as he holds onto his knees to keep them in place. He lays there, eyes locked on Dean’s as he leans in and kisses down the back of Sam’s thighs, his skin tingles with every press of Dean’s lips. The heat of Dean’s mouth melts through him as Dean sucks one of his balls into his mouth. Rolling his tongue against it before letting it pop back out of his mouth, then moves onto the other.

Sam rolls his hips, pushing up against Dean’s tongue as he takes his time dragging it up the underside of Sam’s dick. When he reaches the head he takes it into his mouth in one fluid motion and sinks his lips to the base. He sucks base to tip a few times before letting it slip from his lips and slap wet against Sam’s stomach. Sam squirms at the loss of contact until Dean rests his hands on either side of his ass and spreads him open with his thumbs. Goosebumps erupt across Sam’s skin at the first hot press of Dean’s tongue against his skin. Dean’s tongue travels almost all the way up to Sam’s balls and back down.

Sam whimpers as Dean licks over his hole with quick little strokes and shudders as he feels him push in, filling him with pleasant heat. Dean fucks him open with his tongue and by the time he feels Dean press his thumb in to hold him open, Sam is a moaning mess.

“We forgot to grab the lube.” Dean laughs against Sam ass. Sam drops his head back against his jacket in frustration before his head clears enough to think.

“There’s some in the glove box, remember?” he manages through panting breaths.

“Right” Dean says as he sits up and climbs half way over the seat.

When he finds it he settles back on his heels and pops the cap, squirting a small amount onto his fingers and rubs them together to warm it up. He leans forward and kisses Sam again and he moans into Dean’s mouth as Dean slips two fingers into him with ease. Shadows move through the car as people walk passed the fogged windows. A rush goes through Sam at the thought of the people surrounding them knowing what they’re doing in here. Everyone will hear the sounds they’ll make as Dean fucks him senseless in their car.

Dean reaches up and takes a hold of Sam’s dick with his free hand, keeping it still as he sucks it into his mouth again. Sam whimpers and pushes his hips down onto Dean’s fingers, keeping them deep as Dean rubs inside him. Then bucks them up, pushing his dick further into the perfect heat of Dean’s mouth. He keeps up a steady rhythm,rolling his hips as Dean fucks into him with his fingers and sucks his dick down. It doesn’t take long before he feels the familiar heat pooling low in his gut.

“Fuck,“ Sam whines, almost choking on the word. His toes curl and his muscles flex and he rocks faster. "De-ahh-Dean,” he moans. Dean hums around his dick and his abdomen pulls tight. For a split second he feels as if he’s floating before hips shudder and he tips over the edge. He cries out as he comes, pulsing again and again onto Dean’s tongue. Clenching around Dean’s fingers as his body pulls tight with each contraction. He closes his eyes and collapses back against the seat. Panting as he catches his breath while Dean works him through his remaining aftershocks.

“That’s it, baby,” Dean coos, stroking Sam’s spent dick nice and slow until Sam opens his eyes and looks at him.

“Fuck me,” Sam sighs.

Dean withdraws his fingers and Sam feels incredible emptiness. Dean sits back on his heels and pops the rest of the buttons on his fly. He pulls his dick out and strokes it a few times before he slicks it up. He scoots forward and holds it steady. Sam feels the blunt pressure nudging at his hole, smearing his skin with cool lube. As Dean rocks forward, Sam feels the pleasant, familiar stretch as the head of Dean’s dick pushes in. Dean pauses and pulls back, rolling his hips in tiny movements, the lip of the head of his dick teasing Sam’s rim.

Sam closes his eyes and groans. He rocks his hips, trying to pull Dean farther in. Sam’s head falls back and his mouth opens wide in a silent howl as Dean finally begins to sink into him. He takes his time, Sam feels each ring of muscle in him stretch around Dean. He finally feels the perfect fullness he lives for when Dean’s balls rest against his skin. Dean rolls his hips, rocking into Sam in a steady rhythm, Sam’s soft dick lolling against his thigh with each slow thrust.

Dean leans in and wraps himself around Sam, pulling him close. His pace picks up, driving into Sam again and again. His damp hair falling into his eyes as he pants against Sam’s neck. Each time Dean presses in deep it pushes a whimper from Sam’s lips.

“So good,” Dean breaths against Sam’s ear, keeping up the fast pace. “God, Sammy. So fucking good,” he groans.

Sam holds onto Dean tight, his legs wrapped around Dean’s waist. He drags his fingers down Dean’s back and feels him shudder. Dean’s muscles tense and his hips work against Sam’s ass as he collapses onto him and comes. He rocks into Sam and pants against Sam’s neck as he works himself through it. He pace slows until he’s almost still and the friction against his sensitive dick is too much.

When Dean slips out, the unbearable emptiness floods Sam’s emotions almost to the point of tears. He holds onto Dean until Dean kisses his cheek and pulls back to sit up. Dean cleans them both and the mess pooling on the seat with his t-shirt and tucks his dick back into his jeans. Sam scoots to the edge of the seat and Dean lays down half on him and pulls the blanket down over them. Different colored lights reflect in the moisture covering the windows as fireworks burst outside. It’s beautiful and as perfect as it gets and Sam couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be.


	52. March 2001

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for violence and sexual assault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

It only takes about forty-five to sixty minutes to burn a car completely. No accelerants needed. Minutes after it’s lit, the fire will free burn to temperatures of 1700 degrees or more, with major destruction occurring within 15 minutes in many cases. Dean knows all this from experience.

…

It’s late. The city block is lit with neon light reflecting off wet concrete and black at the edges. Sirens in the distance echo through the quiet streets and fade to silence. Every so often, someone will hurry passed them, with their hood pulled over their face, then disappear back into the darkness. 

Dean is leaning against the brick covered side of a building across from a boarded up Gentleman’s Club. He takes slow drags of his cigarette and the smoke drifts from his parted lips. Sam is tucked under his free arm, watching him and Dean tries to pretend not to notice. After a few moments, he takes another drag and smiles. He blows the smoke into the night air before looking down at Sam smiling back at him. Sam reaches out and takes the half smoked cigarette from Dean’s hand and brings it to his lips. 

A car passes by them, driving slow, but neither of them pay it much attention. Sam passes the cigarette back to Dean and pull’s Dean’s jacket tighter around him. 

“You cold?” Dean asks as he takes another drag.

“No, I’m okay,” Sam says, “are you?”

“Naw, it’s not so bad out tonight,” Dean says and smiles down at Sam.

He looks at Sam and thinks about when they used to be so careful to hide what they have between them. Sneaking around, trying to be quiet at night so dad wouldn’t hear them in the next room. Not touching in public so people wouldn’t ask questions. How scared they both were that someone would find out and they’d lose each other. 

Dean breaths out a puff of smoke and asks, “Where do you want to go next?” Sam is silent for a moment as he looks off down the street. 

“What about Route 66?” He asks, turning back to Dean with hopeful eyes. “We could visit every tacky roadside attraction along the way, then end up in Chicago. We’ve never been there.”

“Sounds perfect,” Dean says as he leans over and hovers close to Sam’s lips for a moment. He looks from Sam’s eyes to his mouth and presses his lips to Sam’s. Sam closes his eyes and opens up like he’s done a million times before as Dean pulls him in tight. He kisses Sam hungrily, always starving, then pulls back and takes one last drag of the spent cigarette before tossing it to the ground.

Headlights turn the corner and cover them in bright, almost blinding light. They both shield their eyes as the car comes closer. The lights dim and after Dean regains normal sight, he can make out the light bar on the roof. The car comes to a stop in front of them and Dean waits, completely at ease. It’s not the first time they’ve had a run in with the police, and it wont be the last.

“Evening,” the cop says as he closes the door of his car behind him. “Are you uh, gents,” he puts an obvious emphasis on the word as he drags his eyes over Sam, “having a nice night out here?” He continues as he steps closer.

“Yes sir, and we were just about to leave,” Dean says and grins.

“That so?” The cop says, “I haven’t seen you two around here before.”

“We’re just rolling through,” Dean says and gestures into the darkness. 

“Yeah? What were you you two doing out here at this time of night?” The cop asks in a flat voice.

“Just standing by a wall, smoking a cigarette,” Sam says, cutting in.

“Yeah, okay,” the cop says as he unhooks the cuffs from his belt. “Both of you turn around,” he orders.

“Bullshit,” Dean laughs, “on what grounds?”

“On grounds that you two are illegally soliciting sex on the street, and on the grounds that I say so, you got that?” The cop snaps back.

Dean stares at the cop and doesn’t move. “Fuck you,” he spits.

“Turn around or I’ll put a fucking bullet in your head. I’m well within my rights as an officer of the law,” the cop smiles at him and then turns to look at Sam. Dean watches the cop’s eyes drag down Sam’s body.

Dean clenches his fists, wondering if he could get a solid hit in before the cop could reach his gun.

“Okay,” Sam says quickly, before Dean makes a move, and turns around. He looks over to Dean, silently pleading with him to keep his mouth and fists to himself, and it just makes Dean angrier. He looks at Sam, and going against every fiber of himself, he turns around.

“That’s right,” the officer says as he walks up. He slaps a cuff onto one of Dean’s wrists and then pulls his arm over to cuff the other. “Doing just as you’re told, like a good boy,” the cop say under his breath in Dean’s ear.

Dean sees red. All he can focus on is the rage boiling inside his head, with each breath it gets worse. The cop turns from Dean and steps behind Sam. 

“You sure are pretty,” the cop breathes against the skin of Sam’s neck and Sam turns his head away. The cop steps closer and presses Sam against the brick wall. “Spread ‘em,” he says and Sam catches Dean’s eyes. 

“Touch him and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground,” Dean promises and moves to step closer to the cop.

“Dean, don’t,” Sam warns.

“What are you going to do?” The cop asks as he draws his weapon and points it at Dean’s head. “Get back against the wall,” he orders. Sam meets Dean’s eyes when Dean doesn’t move. “Get back against the wall or I’m going to paint it with your brains.” Dean’s clenches his jaw until it hurts and turns back against the wall, keeping his eyes on Sam’s.

“Gotta check you for weapons, sweetheart,” the cop says as he drags his free hand down Sam’s chest. His other arm outstretched keeping the gun on Dean. The cop’s hand drops lower and lower and disappears between Sam’s spread legs. Dean hears Sam’s frustrated breaths against the bricks as the cop pulls the buttons of his fly open. He sees Sam shut his eyes tight as the cop slips his hand in and slides his fingers around his dick.

Dean is going to fucking kill him. The thought repeats again and again.

“You want it bad, don’t you?” The cop says. He rubs against Sam as he drags his tongue from the base of Sam’s neck to his ear. “Whore,” he punctuates the word with hard thrust of his hips against Sam’s ass. 

“You son of a bitch,” Dean’s spits. “I’m going to kill you, I swear to God, you’re gonna fucking die,” Dean snarls and the cop doesn’t even look up, he just laughs.

Sam looks at Dean, warning him not to do anything stupid.

The cop pulls his hand from between Sam’s spread legs and slips it into the back of Sam’s jeans. He rubs his finger against Sam’s hole, then presses into him dry, and pushes it in as deep as he can. Dean watches as Sam shuts his eyes tight and holds his breath as the cops hand starts moving. As he finger fucks Sam, his hand begins to sag, his grip on his gun loosens.

Before the cop knows what’s going on, Dean smashes his head against the cop’s. Then he’s on the ground and Dean’s got blood streaming down his face. The cop reaches for his gun and Dean deliver’s a sharp kick to the cop’s skull, then the cop isn’t moving anymore. 

“Find the keys,” Dean growls. Sam kneels down and searches the cop’s pockets. “Get me out of these things,” Dean says as he turns around. Sam finds the keys and stands up to unlock the cuffs as fast as he can. 

The cop chokes for air and spits out some blood. Dean tucks the cuffs into his pocket and drops down, straddling the cop’s chest. His fist cracks against bone, again and again, there’s blood everywhere. He keeps hitting until the cop goes limp beneath him.

“Dean, stop!” He pleads as he grabs a hold of Dean’s wrist. “Don’t kill him!”

“Yeah, okay,” Dean says, his voice shaking with anger. Dean reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his knife. He flicks it open and bends down, hovering over the cop’s face. He presses the blade into the cop’s skin, as he drags it down his forehead, blood pours out of the cut.

When he’s done, he stands and looks down at the jagged P I G spelled out in flesh.

“Let’s go,” Dean hears Sam say, as Sam tugs at his arm.

“One more thing,” Dean says and turns to Sam. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out his lighter. Minutes later the cop’s cruiser is engulfed in flames.

They run from the scene hand in hand as fast as they can, back toward their car, and take off into the night.

…

“You okay? Did he hurt you?” Dean asks and takes his eyes off the road to look at Sam.

“I’ll be fine,” Sam says and smiles, “I just hope he’s not dead.”

“Fucker deserves it,” Dean says, turning back to the road.

“That’s _murder_ , Dean, of a cop. They’ll fry you for that,” Sam says as he reaches into the backseat to find a t-shirt.

“Only if they catch me, which they wont. Besides, I told him if he touched you I’d kill him. He didn’t listen.” Dean smiles as Sam dabs at the cut on his head.

“This is so fucked up,” Sam laughs. 

…

When they finally get to a room as far away from the city as they can, they see the reports on the news. The cop is in critical condition, they don’t know if he’s going to pull through. Officially, they are wanted for assault and battery on an officer of the law, destruction of government property, fleeing the scene of crime, the list goes on but Dean tunes it out.


	53. April 21, 2001

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written by goandgetthegun

The pale floral wall paper around them is water stained and peeling in the corners. Water drips steadily from the faucet, echoing off the mint colored floor tiles. The grout is stained orange in places from years of iron in the water. Dean is sitting in the tub, leaning back against the edge. He taps the ash off the end of his cigarette into the water and takes another drag.

He watches the razor drag up through the shaving cream on Sam’s leg, leaving a shining trail of smooth wet skin behind. The water around him sloshes genty as Sam reaches down and rinses the razor between strokes. When Sam’s finished, he rinses the rest of the shaving cream off and sinks into the water between Dean’s legs. He rests an ankle on Dean’s shoulder and relaxes in the still warm water.

Dean kisses the skin just above Sam’s ankle and Sam hums happily as he melts into the touch. He slides his hand down his stomach and rubs himself lazily as Dean mouths at his sensitive skin.

They were doomed from the start and both of them know it, short fuses lit too early, born to die.

Nothing beautiful lasts.

…

Dean lays back on the bed, his unbuttoned jeans resting low on his hips, he’s got one arm propping his head up and the other hand tucked into his waistband as he watches a naked Sam dig through their bags.

“What do you think?” Sam says as he turns around, “shorts,” he holds up a pair of flower patterned shorts, “or shorter shorts?” he holds up a pair of tiny denim cut offs.

“Hmm,” Dean hums as he thinks, “shorter shorts,” he says with sly grin.

“You got it,” Sam smiles back. He pulls the shorts up his smooth legs and hops to get them over his ass. The white pocket liners lay against his thighs, peeking out from under the frayed material. Sam turns around, Dean can see the crease where his ass cheeks meet his thighs, Sam bends over and touches the floor.

“Can you see my balls?” he asks with a laugh.

“No, not from the back anyway,” Dean answers, “but I can just about see your asshole.”

“Good,” Sam laughs again and reaches up, he pulls the fabric to the side, exposing his freshly waxed, pink hole, “oops,” he says and Dean can hear the smile in his voice. Sam stands back up and adjusts himself. He digs through a duffle and pulls out a wrinkled white tank top, it used to be one of Dean’s t-shirts until Sam cut out arm holes that almost reach the hem and a new collar that hangs off one shoulder. Sam pulls it on and the old thin fabric drapes over his torso..

“I love that shirt,” Dean says, adjusting his head on his arm.

“Is it because you’re a dirty pervert and it leaves nothing to the imagination?” Sam asks in a serious tone as he pulls the arm holes to the center of his torso, trying not to smile.

“Well that,” Dean grins, “and because it was the shirt I was wearing when I kidnapped you from CPS. We started our lives together with that shirt.”

“That is beautiful, Dean,” Sam says as he climbs onto the bed, “I’m surprised you remember that,” he continues as he straddles Dean’s hips, “I didn’t even remember that.”

“I guess I just care more,” Dean says with a smile.

…

They walk out of the room and into the bright California spring day. Sam stands almost as tall as Dean in red cowboy boots they picked up at a second hand store last year. His hair reaches past his shoulders now, it shines in the sun as he walks next to Dean to the car. Dean tucks the front of his tight t-shirt into his jeans and runs his hand through his hair, pushing it back out of his face.

Sam pulls his red, heart shaped sunglasses out of the glove compartment and hands Dean his gold pair, Sam says Dean looks like a sexier Elvis when he wears them, so he doesn’t fight it. They drive down the coastline with all the windows down, the fresh air blows through the car and Sam thinks this must be what true freedom feels like.

Sam suggests they pull off at a small beach town with a boardwalk lined with shops. They get out and walk past store after store, looking at the wares through the windows. People stare at Sam as they pass, confusion and disapproval on their faces, and Dean silently dares them to say something. Sam doesn’t seem to notice, and if he does he doesn’t care.

They find a candy shop and go inside, salt water taffy of all colors lines the walls in plastic bins, Sam picks a bag of cherry and Dean gets a bag of peach. At the register Sam grabs a pina colada flavored sucker and lays it on the counter next to their taffy. They leave the store with a pink bag full of candy and a white stick sticking out from Sam’s raspberry painted lips.

They find a coffee shop next, with an open air counter under an awning. Sam leans down against the counter as he studies the menu, Dean stands next to him and tucks one of his hands into Sam’s back pocket as he waits. They get a fruit smoothie to share and make their way to the beach.

They spend the rest of the day on the sand picking up shells and seaweed. The sun starts to set, painting the sky bright pink, purple, and orange. Back in the car, Sam rests against Dean’s side as he drives.

…

Dean kicks off his boots when they’re back in their room. Sam sits on the bed and unlaces his boots carefully and toes them off with a sigh.

“What a beautiful day,” Sam says as he flops back against the mattress. Dean pulls off his t-shirt and unbuttons his jeans and drops down on the bed next to Sam.

“Good call on the beach town,” Dean says, his eyes closed. Sam leans over and props himself up on his elbow. He reaches over and slides his hand across the warm skin of Dean’s stomach then down the trail of hair from his belly button to the patch just above his waistband. Dean hums to himself as Sam runs his fingers over his skin absentmindedly.

“Thank you,” Sam sighs. They lay like that for a while, quiet and comfortable, then Sam gets up. He pulls his shirt off and slips out of his shorts, Dean opens his eyes and looks at Sam, standing in the dim light of the bedside lamp, his skin tanned and red in places from the sun. Sam runs his hand through his hair, brushing it back away from his face and grins at Dean.

“What?” Dean asks, as Sam looks back at him.

“Take your pants off,” Sam says as he reaches out to help, Dean lifts his hips as he pushes them down and Sam pulls them off. Dean’s half hard dick is resting against his hip bone, framed by the roses tattooed on his skin. He reaches down and strokes his hand down it once as Sam climbs back onto the bed. Sam presses an open mouth kiss to the faded old ‘S.W.’ barely visible on his other hip, leaving a dark pink lip mark behind, as Dean looks down at him.

“Have I ever told you how fucking hot you are?” Sam asks against Dean’s skin.

“A few times,” Dean laughs, he rests an arm behind his head as he watches Sam kiss a trail down his stomach until his lipstick fades from his lips. Sam moves down his hip to his thigh then nuzzles his nose against Dean’s balls. Dean instinctively spreads his legs a little and Sam kisses the crease of his thigh.

“Hand me a pillow,” Sam says as he sits back up, “or two,” Dean grabs two pillows from above his head and hands them down to Sam. Dean knows full well where this is going and he feels pressure in his gut just thinking about it. He lifts his hips and helps Sam get the pillows under him and then rests back down. He lets his knees fall apart, and Sam leans back down, he watches as Sam mouths at the skin under his balls and his stomach flutters.

Dean pulls his knees up to his chest, and holds them apart. Sam looks up at him, faded lipstick smeared over his lips and chin, cheeks flushed and eyes dark. He looks like sin. A sin that Dean would gladly suffer the worst pits of hell for. Sam holds his gaze as he drags his tongue up Dean’s skin making Dean’s body shudder at the sensation of heat. He places a wet open mouth kiss on Dean’s hole and flicks his tongue over the velvety soft, puckered skin.

“Fuck,” Dean swears under his breath and Sam licks him, he lets his head fall back and he closes his eyes as he melts into it. Sam presses his tongue into the heat of Dean’s body and rubs it against the silky tissue inside of him. As Sam works, Dean’s thighs begin to shake, he sits up and runs his tongue up Dean’s flushed dick, and gathers the small pool of precome on Dean’s stomach into his mouth. Dean’s abdomen tenses and he bites his lip as Sam dips his tongue back into him.

He feels Sam press his thumb against him and push in, he gently pulls him open and licks the stretched rim. Dean lets go of one of his knees and reaches down, he slips a finger in next to Sam’s thumb and stretches himself more. Sam keeps going until Dean is a trembling mess of saliva and sweat. Sam sits up and wipes his wet mouth on the back of his hand, he stands up and digs through one of their duffels.

Dean relaxes and reaches down with both hands, he rubs his fingers against his wet hole and then dips two in, he rubs inside himself as Sam searches. After a while, Sam turns back around with their lube, he pops the cap and pours some onto his fingers. Dean pulls his own fingers free and Sam slides his back in. He rubs them around then pulls them back out and slicks himself up. Dean pulls his knees back up, and holds them while Sam presses his cock against his slick hole. Dean closes his eyes and relaxes, he breathes steadily through his nose as Sam presses into him.

Dean lets out a long moan as Sam slides the rest of the way in. The room is hot, they’re already covered in a shining layer of sweat, Sam’s wet bangs hang in his face as he looks down to where he disappears into Dean. Sam braces his hands on Dean’s thighs as he starts to roll his hips, keeping himself in deep. He leans down and catches Dean’s mouth in a sloppy kiss as he fucks him.

Sam can feel himself getting close, he pulls out and Dean’s muscles flex as he breathes, watching Sam stroke himself fast over Dean’s stomach. Sam slows his hand as his cock jerks and he comes on Dean’s skin, he works himself through it, squeezing every last drop out of himself. He leans down and kisses Dean again, Dean lets go of his knees and takes hold of either side of Sam’s face. Sam rubs himself down against Dean’s dick, sliding against it through the mess of lube, sweat, and come on Dean’s skin.

Dean bites Sam’s bottom lip as he comes between them. Sam slows, rubbing against Dean until Dean breaks their kiss to breathe. Dean drops his head back against the mattress and Sam rolls off him. Dean pulls the pillows out from under him and uses one the pillowcases to clean himself up and hands it to Sam when he’s done.

Dean sits up against the headboard and reaches over to the bedside table for his cigarette pack and lighter. He puts two between his lips, lights them and hands one to Sam.

Nothing beautiful lasts.


End file.
